Oh dearest, how we have drifted apart, you know, its funny how we let others influence our energy and spirit so much to the point that we stop being ourselves and we become this thing walking around that we most definitely do not want to be...I think thats why I stopped writing, it was not me writing about my everyday life, it was the things influencing me that were writing and that is not fair to my intellect, more importantly my soul and the few out there that read this.
I did want to take a few minutes of quite time that I have right now to write about the year that is leaving. 2006 was like one of those teachers in high school that you fear and feel intimidated by. They put you on the spot and they grade you really hard but at the end of the year you realize just how much they taught you and how they helped you become a better student and you realize that everything they do is not for their own pleasure but they are doing it for you. That was 2006 easily summarized. for me.
Over the past two weeks I had the opportunity to read To Kill a Mockingbird,Which is just a great awesome book, there is so much there than just words, highly recommend it. I had never read this book before, but once again things happen for a reason, and I read this book at just the right time. It was a good reflection on who I am and how I view myself (Scout and I could very well be the same person.) Growing up, especially the teen age years, it is hard to find an image of yourself, its hard to view yourself because...well its simply the time when "you are trying to find yourself"
Although, I have always had a pretty clear view of who I am, thankfully, I have never seen myself in a clearer most definite way and...I always say this, as I smile to myself, it is a wonder, discovering yourself as a human being, as a soul, it is simply amazing. I will never stop seeing myself as a child, I think like one and act like one and yet, I have so much maturity in me, and this in the humblest of ways (if that is even a word). Being almost 20 there are so many things that you slowly wake up to, situations that you have never been put in and yet its the little things that bring me the most satisfaction. For example, I now have a say in the Christmas dinner menu or the New years menu, and I cook and I arrange the house and these little responsabilites are the things that I look forward to every year, it is what brings my family closer and closer and I am so blessed to say that I have enjoyed the holidays this year with such.....i don't even know what the word is. It is simply greatness.
You know, I was once told, the world you live in Ana, is not real, you have to cut the ombilical chord, come down to Earth, and for the longest time these words hurt me so, because, I believed to be doing something wrong, I believed there was something wrong with me and I struggled with it for a while, but, now I see that I need not do such thing, this family is the glue that hold it all together and as much as we fight and yell and whatever, we love and cherish each other to death, I am closer to my dad, my mom and I are finding so many similarities btwn each other, and my sister is like my other half, and the best part is that I have great people surrounding me to show me that this is it. That I am doing nothing wrong, but still...thank you for the lesson.
I guess in the end, it is always about maintaining the soul fed and happy, if there is no soul, then there is nothing, and people you may attempt to go on without understanding this, but I promise you, you will find such happiness and comfort if you take a look inside...that is what I have learned.
2007 somehow looks promising and exciting, something about it just looks damn right...awesome.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
hey now
I met you at the club that night
around was spinning records
and my heart said
hey now
hey now
hey now
hey now
yaaaow
you said you were pleased to meet me
through the sweet smell of your perfume
blew me
away now
away now
away now
away now
yaaaow
later on that week we went out,
talked under the stars until the next
day now
day now
day now
day now
yaaaow
you drank your fruitopia
and we never ran out of things to
say now
say now
say now
say now
yaaow
any minute im not with you
i hope ill see you soon
theres just something that happens
when you walk into the room
and instantly i feel so complete
it hits me right about the time you kiss my cheek
and you give me this feeling
its like no other feeling
but it knocks me off my feet
please dont ask me what i like about you
cause its every little thing you do
around was spinning records
and my heart said
hey now
hey now
hey now
hey now
yaaaow
you said you were pleased to meet me
through the sweet smell of your perfume
blew me
away now
away now
away now
away now
yaaaow
later on that week we went out,
talked under the stars until the next
day now
day now
day now
day now
yaaaow
you drank your fruitopia
and we never ran out of things to
say now
say now
say now
say now
yaaow
any minute im not with you
i hope ill see you soon
theres just something that happens
when you walk into the room
and instantly i feel so complete
it hits me right about the time you kiss my cheek
and you give me this feeling
its like no other feeling
but it knocks me off my feet
please dont ask me what i like about you
cause its every little thing you do
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Breathing time
So I haven't written in fooorever which is really sad because it means that I am not even making time for myself these days. Everything is going and happening so quickly though, that I feel, there is not enough time to sit and collect my thoughts. It sort of feels like if I do, I will lose pace and rhythm and stop working and that is the last thing that I want to have happen to me right now. I however, thought it would be wise to take a deep loooong breath before releasing it and working my butt of for the next 5 days.
I feel wiser, I feel like I am learning how to deal with life and not suffer the consequences, it is a great thing to find inner strenght and power for creativity. And...it's funny how much one can learn in 4 little months, something that seems like it would take a lifetime yet, I am over coming my fears and it is such a great feeling of satisfaction, when you strive to achieve a certain goal and you reach it and it isn't pride that comes after, simply, good understanding of yourself.
The other day at one of my classes, my professor talked to us about the big scheme of things and life. Our planet is about 4.5 billion years old and from that time...human evollution has only been present for 150,000 years...that is mind-blowing. We are such a small part of something soooo big yet, think of all that we know, of all that we think and create and of all the ways we have improved our lives on this planet. We are product of something so grand and so big that even our greatest accomplishments, as great as they seem, make up a very tiny part of it all.
Situations like that, or thoughts like that really put things into perspective. Like, I have this new great and wonderful understanding of the energy I create and how I radiate it and where i spend my energy. And so, well, actually I have always known this...complicated is not fun, people bring upon themselves such martyrdom and we are all victims of this, but there is a better way to live and those who understand that...are just glorious beings.
Compassion is a hard thing to learn I think. Being able to gain a sense of compassion for others and for yourself, or the work that you do. But what it all comes down to...you are granted 100 years on this planet that has been alive for 4.5 billion change, and it may change and do whatever it wants, but it will still be there, we however, are only here for so long and so...why not create pleasant memories, why not create positive energy and kharma, why limit our flow of good energy?
It doesn't make sense does it???
my drawing professor, whom I love to death, like some girls and I say...we would take a bullet for him...he is such a wise man and today he said, mistakes are everywhere, nobody, not even the greatest artists went without making mistakes, be aware of this, you have to be serious about the work you do but in a relaxed state of being, enjoy it, laugh along the way and learn.
I think being too hard on ourselves limits us and creates fears and this too limits our flow of energy.
I can't believe that it has been like...3 weeks since I last wrote, but breaks, are good, I think this blog needed a break, there are more intersting thoughts coming along the way and I realize that writing is no longer a thing, it is simply within me. You know...people influence the way we write, like...I hope I never change the way I write or at least remember it instead of getting side tracked....whoah...so much on my my little head right now, I could go on and on and on but I will just comment on the important stuff
Parents: great good and happy with a fake christmas tree in our living room. we think it's funny, fake trees are foreign to us but it looks great, the theme this year is department stores...Macy's.
Sister: greatest sister ever, she is finding herself and her priorities in life (work, beliefs, people) and she is someone I can just have hold my hand and she paints my world in a pretty picture.
Friends: really need to get in touch with Mexico friends and Syracuse ones, I have drowned myself in other things and people and I miss these amazing lovable friends, but I know they are there and they know I am here. I love these bizarre friendships but the greatest feeling is being able to come back and even though we all have completely different lives and sometimes forget about the past...we can come back to each other and feel like we have never left mexico in 8th grade or high school in little fayetteville-manlius new york.
School: Although haha...I question sometimes what in the world it is that I am doing there and where I will end up...I love creating, I love having the responsibility to put something together. I hate calling art, its creativeness that drives me to keep going and I love improving.
Work: I FREAKING LOVE MY JOB...there no more needed to explain.
the boy: he is silly goofy and very dramatic but he makes me laugh and smile and relax and we have fun together and we listen to each other and so far so good.
ann arbor: such a great place to be, it embraces me and i adore it.
memories: keep on getting better :)
flow of energy: positive...disturbed once in a while but the important thing is to keep it flowing and not getting mad at yourself because it was disturbed, finding your way back is what matters :)
all the rest does not matter.
this is a long freaking entry.
I feel wiser, I feel like I am learning how to deal with life and not suffer the consequences, it is a great thing to find inner strenght and power for creativity. And...it's funny how much one can learn in 4 little months, something that seems like it would take a lifetime yet, I am over coming my fears and it is such a great feeling of satisfaction, when you strive to achieve a certain goal and you reach it and it isn't pride that comes after, simply, good understanding of yourself.
The other day at one of my classes, my professor talked to us about the big scheme of things and life. Our planet is about 4.5 billion years old and from that time...human evollution has only been present for 150,000 years...that is mind-blowing. We are such a small part of something soooo big yet, think of all that we know, of all that we think and create and of all the ways we have improved our lives on this planet. We are product of something so grand and so big that even our greatest accomplishments, as great as they seem, make up a very tiny part of it all.
Situations like that, or thoughts like that really put things into perspective. Like, I have this new great and wonderful understanding of the energy I create and how I radiate it and where i spend my energy. And so, well, actually I have always known this...complicated is not fun, people bring upon themselves such martyrdom and we are all victims of this, but there is a better way to live and those who understand that...are just glorious beings.
Compassion is a hard thing to learn I think. Being able to gain a sense of compassion for others and for yourself, or the work that you do. But what it all comes down to...you are granted 100 years on this planet that has been alive for 4.5 billion change, and it may change and do whatever it wants, but it will still be there, we however, are only here for so long and so...why not create pleasant memories, why not create positive energy and kharma, why limit our flow of good energy?
It doesn't make sense does it???
my drawing professor, whom I love to death, like some girls and I say...we would take a bullet for him...he is such a wise man and today he said, mistakes are everywhere, nobody, not even the greatest artists went without making mistakes, be aware of this, you have to be serious about the work you do but in a relaxed state of being, enjoy it, laugh along the way and learn.
I think being too hard on ourselves limits us and creates fears and this too limits our flow of energy.
I can't believe that it has been like...3 weeks since I last wrote, but breaks, are good, I think this blog needed a break, there are more intersting thoughts coming along the way and I realize that writing is no longer a thing, it is simply within me. You know...people influence the way we write, like...I hope I never change the way I write or at least remember it instead of getting side tracked....whoah...so much on my my little head right now, I could go on and on and on but I will just comment on the important stuff
Parents: great good and happy with a fake christmas tree in our living room. we think it's funny, fake trees are foreign to us but it looks great, the theme this year is department stores...Macy's.
Sister: greatest sister ever, she is finding herself and her priorities in life (work, beliefs, people) and she is someone I can just have hold my hand and she paints my world in a pretty picture.
Friends: really need to get in touch with Mexico friends and Syracuse ones, I have drowned myself in other things and people and I miss these amazing lovable friends, but I know they are there and they know I am here. I love these bizarre friendships but the greatest feeling is being able to come back and even though we all have completely different lives and sometimes forget about the past...we can come back to each other and feel like we have never left mexico in 8th grade or high school in little fayetteville-manlius new york.
School: Although haha...I question sometimes what in the world it is that I am doing there and where I will end up...I love creating, I love having the responsibility to put something together. I hate calling art, its creativeness that drives me to keep going and I love improving.
Work: I FREAKING LOVE MY JOB...there no more needed to explain.
the boy: he is silly goofy and very dramatic but he makes me laugh and smile and relax and we have fun together and we listen to each other and so far so good.
ann arbor: such a great place to be, it embraces me and i adore it.
memories: keep on getting better :)
flow of energy: positive...disturbed once in a while but the important thing is to keep it flowing and not getting mad at yourself because it was disturbed, finding your way back is what matters :)
all the rest does not matter.
this is a long freaking entry.
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