I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...
~Alanis.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
on being a college student
I was told that yesterday was a good day to sit down and write and lately I dont have many of those days and so I was going to write but then...I forgot. I did not know that I could become such a forgetful person but I have... thats beside the point though. I wanted to sit down and write because being a student what do we do...study right?
And so, a lot of times it feels like we simply work to get done, to turn in a paper for a good grade, but we dont take the time to enjoy what we are learning. yesterday was different, I realize that i have gone through a sort of...shift I guess is the word, I am actually enjoying the work that I do, I want to spend the time doing it and yesterday was such a great day to show me just how great things can be. I didn't even feel all the time that I spent doing or learing...that is until I sat down at around midnight and it hit me that I was exhausted, but...it is so hard to explain, it is just a great feeling, things suddenly just click.
I have been going non stop, I no longer have time to sit down and waste time, every second I have, I have to be doing something, otherwise I fall behind, but I do not mind it, I delight in it, there is just such a sense of wonder, like I know there is something great at the end of this and I can almost see it.
I havent practiced yoga in a while, which is really sad, I really need to make time for that and find a place where I can actually do it, but, my instructor spent a lot of time saying, actually feel your positive energy flowing through you, create it from within and I meditated the other day and it worked, it really really worked. you find yourself smiling without telling yourself to smile, it just happens and it was wow...i need to become a yoga instructor one day, it is on my list of things to do.
Unto a not so happy note, my grandpa was in the hospital the entire week last week and it was a lesson for all of us I think. My dad has spent the past months looking for his...birthfather? like his real dad, because the man I know as my grandpa adopted him when he was little, and he finally found him and he was thrilled to find him and know about him, and suddenly my grandpa gets sick on the verge of a heart attack and it devestated my dad but I think it put things in perspective for him. He flew down to Mexico and spend a lot a lot of time with my grandpa and to think about that makes me so happy because, that right there, is unconditional love, it is the kind of example that God puts in our lives to say...look at all the great things that I have given you, why must you go and search somewhere else. The only thing is I wish that I knew my grandpa better, I feel so distant from him and when I found out about his condition the only thing that I could think of was..I feel scared, for my dad, I dont want my dad to hurt or suffer but...nothing else. It is the type of things that you give up for this kind of life, and I have the best of both worlds but how I wish I knew him better.
During the weekend I went to visit my mom, and although I think I will be ok with them moving away, even though it is only 3 hours away, I don't think I will be. I worry about her, when we are little the world is worry free and the older we get, the more responsible we feel for people, we feel that we have to be there for them, and I don't want to not be there for my mom.
The rest is piece of cake :)
ps. one of my favorite parts of the day...smiling at strangers and having them smile back.
or when professors congratulate me
or when people tell me how great and precious and glorious I am
or when I get to relax...shower time
or when I get to spend time with a certain kid.
And so, a lot of times it feels like we simply work to get done, to turn in a paper for a good grade, but we dont take the time to enjoy what we are learning. yesterday was different, I realize that i have gone through a sort of...shift I guess is the word, I am actually enjoying the work that I do, I want to spend the time doing it and yesterday was such a great day to show me just how great things can be. I didn't even feel all the time that I spent doing or learing...that is until I sat down at around midnight and it hit me that I was exhausted, but...it is so hard to explain, it is just a great feeling, things suddenly just click.
I have been going non stop, I no longer have time to sit down and waste time, every second I have, I have to be doing something, otherwise I fall behind, but I do not mind it, I delight in it, there is just such a sense of wonder, like I know there is something great at the end of this and I can almost see it.
I havent practiced yoga in a while, which is really sad, I really need to make time for that and find a place where I can actually do it, but, my instructor spent a lot of time saying, actually feel your positive energy flowing through you, create it from within and I meditated the other day and it worked, it really really worked. you find yourself smiling without telling yourself to smile, it just happens and it was wow...i need to become a yoga instructor one day, it is on my list of things to do.
Unto a not so happy note, my grandpa was in the hospital the entire week last week and it was a lesson for all of us I think. My dad has spent the past months looking for his...birthfather? like his real dad, because the man I know as my grandpa adopted him when he was little, and he finally found him and he was thrilled to find him and know about him, and suddenly my grandpa gets sick on the verge of a heart attack and it devestated my dad but I think it put things in perspective for him. He flew down to Mexico and spend a lot a lot of time with my grandpa and to think about that makes me so happy because, that right there, is unconditional love, it is the kind of example that God puts in our lives to say...look at all the great things that I have given you, why must you go and search somewhere else. The only thing is I wish that I knew my grandpa better, I feel so distant from him and when I found out about his condition the only thing that I could think of was..I feel scared, for my dad, I dont want my dad to hurt or suffer but...nothing else. It is the type of things that you give up for this kind of life, and I have the best of both worlds but how I wish I knew him better.
During the weekend I went to visit my mom, and although I think I will be ok with them moving away, even though it is only 3 hours away, I don't think I will be. I worry about her, when we are little the world is worry free and the older we get, the more responsible we feel for people, we feel that we have to be there for them, and I don't want to not be there for my mom.
The rest is piece of cake :)
ps. one of my favorite parts of the day...smiling at strangers and having them smile back.
or when professors congratulate me
or when people tell me how great and precious and glorious I am
or when I get to relax...shower time
or when I get to spend time with a certain kid.
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