Karma!? maybe!!!
sometimes I don't believe I deserve all I get, sometimes things are dressed up as challenges and scary things, oh gosh thats terrible writing and vocabulary, but anyway the point is that in the end, these are great things and just to have the opportunity to have them should make us realize that there is someone who cares and who watches over us, always always :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
thiiiiiis weeeeeek
It can only get better from now on :)
I love the feeling of relief, its probably one of the most amazing feelings in the world, just like ahhh, relax, breath...love it.
It's like when you go to a pool and you get it and the water is so soothing and relaxing
maybe that's why I love swimming :)
I decided that perhaps I want to start actually exercising.
Im looking forward to this weekend lots and lots
and now Im liking school. Im attending CSU (cleveland state university) and I'm starting to thing I might actually want to wear the shirt, it doesn't compare to Michigan of course but, it's still nice and I like like a lot a lot my economics courses.
p.s. Im only attending CSU for the next six weeks, well now five yay!
I am ever faithful to U of M.
I love the feeling of relief, its probably one of the most amazing feelings in the world, just like ahhh, relax, breath...love it.
It's like when you go to a pool and you get it and the water is so soothing and relaxing
maybe that's why I love swimming :)
I decided that perhaps I want to start actually exercising.
Im looking forward to this weekend lots and lots
and now Im liking school. Im attending CSU (cleveland state university) and I'm starting to thing I might actually want to wear the shirt, it doesn't compare to Michigan of course but, it's still nice and I like like a lot a lot my economics courses.
p.s. Im only attending CSU for the next six weeks, well now five yay!
I am ever faithful to U of M.
Friday, May 18, 2007
ana,
you were made for more than that, you very well know that
it's not about the ones who make you feel weak, because you know you are not, and it hurts, that the people you think will be there to support you and help you find a way, only seem to find your weaknesses, but even then... their words should not matter.
it should be about the opportunity, it should be about faith and it should be about surpassing one more challenge.
You know it seems like this life of mine, cannot be simplified, it seems like when I think it will get easier...it doesn't, I must work to simplify it, and its true, I did not ask for this, but, everything that I have already been through should remind me of the strength within and make me see that I am looked after and that it is only up to me from here on.
I think the hardest thing... is feeling like we are not good enough in the eyes of the person that we think we have to prove ourselves to, but...why should we have to prove ourselves? if in the end, its always about the bad, the things that we haven't done, the things that we are not taking care of... its never really about the things that we are already doing.
thats a lie though, the hardest thing is being able to rid myself of the guilt left in me for "not doing enough" and the anger I feel, I don't like those feelings, those feelings stop our inner beauty from shining through and revealing itself to the rest of the world.
Ana,
this is a time to learn, this is a time to challenge yourself and that's a promise :)
baby steps.
it's not about the ones who make you feel weak, because you know you are not, and it hurts, that the people you think will be there to support you and help you find a way, only seem to find your weaknesses, but even then... their words should not matter.
it should be about the opportunity, it should be about faith and it should be about surpassing one more challenge.
You know it seems like this life of mine, cannot be simplified, it seems like when I think it will get easier...it doesn't, I must work to simplify it, and its true, I did not ask for this, but, everything that I have already been through should remind me of the strength within and make me see that I am looked after and that it is only up to me from here on.
I think the hardest thing... is feeling like we are not good enough in the eyes of the person that we think we have to prove ourselves to, but...why should we have to prove ourselves? if in the end, its always about the bad, the things that we haven't done, the things that we are not taking care of... its never really about the things that we are already doing.
thats a lie though, the hardest thing is being able to rid myself of the guilt left in me for "not doing enough" and the anger I feel, I don't like those feelings, those feelings stop our inner beauty from shining through and revealing itself to the rest of the world.
Ana,
this is a time to learn, this is a time to challenge yourself and that's a promise :)
baby steps.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
this town
is beginning to feel familiar, it's beginning to feel like there is real purpose for being here and like I'm about to make some great discovery about life or perhaps myself.
If I were to explain just how I live right now or basically the entire situation that I find myself in, I think you would find it far from normal or stable but I somehow, am not jealous of those who are able to go home to their parents and their own room, their own kitchen, their own garden and who sort of have it all planned out.
I think I long for that, for that stability because I hardly ever find it, but this situation is beginning to feel stable and good and fun. i don't think there is greater feeling than when we find purpose for our lives, even just for waking up.
I don't know if this makes sense to people but its so great to be able to look in the mirror and not be afraid of the image that stares back at you, it's so great to be able to look at yourself, to really look at yourself and know that there are a million things behind you holding you up. I think as a woman more than anything that security is so necessary and I think that the times that we are able to recognize beauty in ourselves, in and out, is when we see and feel safety and purpose in our lives.
And, finally for today, I was tallking to a friend the other day about the power of prayer and how even the smallest little worries in your life are necessary to pray about and to me its so amazing that other people are able to recognize this, that it is powerful :) I think that if there is that desire in your heart to pray or to just sit for a few minutes and recognize that power, that energy around you, you should find the time, it will only ever help you.
If I were to explain just how I live right now or basically the entire situation that I find myself in, I think you would find it far from normal or stable but I somehow, am not jealous of those who are able to go home to their parents and their own room, their own kitchen, their own garden and who sort of have it all planned out.
I think I long for that, for that stability because I hardly ever find it, but this situation is beginning to feel stable and good and fun. i don't think there is greater feeling than when we find purpose for our lives, even just for waking up.
I don't know if this makes sense to people but its so great to be able to look in the mirror and not be afraid of the image that stares back at you, it's so great to be able to look at yourself, to really look at yourself and know that there are a million things behind you holding you up. I think as a woman more than anything that security is so necessary and I think that the times that we are able to recognize beauty in ourselves, in and out, is when we see and feel safety and purpose in our lives.
And, finally for today, I was tallking to a friend the other day about the power of prayer and how even the smallest little worries in your life are necessary to pray about and to me its so amazing that other people are able to recognize this, that it is powerful :) I think that if there is that desire in your heart to pray or to just sit for a few minutes and recognize that power, that energy around you, you should find the time, it will only ever help you.
Monday, May 14, 2007
ahhhhh I'm BAck!
hiiii blog. how are ya
so sorry about not writing, i've missed ya, just as much as you've missed me
here is the thing though, my writing abilities rely on this thing called, the internet, this thing we've sadly come to take as granted and necessary for our lives to function properly. and really truly, creativeness relies on new technology??????
paper and pencil is no loonger good enough???
sadly for me, im gonna have to say yes to that one. I only feel like the words flow from the tips of my fingers when I can type, not when I can hold a pen.
I've said it many times and I still honestly believe that there is a need for a revolution, for us as a society to realize that we are better than the computers that we create, that our brains are so powerful that beauty would take over our world if we went back to a simpler life, where we actually recognized each other, not tried to guard ourselves with tv's, computers and all the funky gadgets.
Oh la,
Sooooo, Here are the things I've learned about...life...i guess...while living in Cleveland for the past three weeks.
1. I worry too much, about stupid little things, trust is lacking, I don't know that I understand how trust works, like, how does trust make sense in your head???? trust in anything??? Note: the bigger, more important things in life don't worry me at all, its the little things. Its like math, I get the super complicated things, but I always mess up on the simple adding and subtracting, you know what I mean?
2. I freakin' love going to Bob Evans and reading those little books they have about the past while I wait for my table. It's sooo great to learn about the past or about the year you were born.
3. It's awkward and sad when people recognize you whenever you walk into a restaurant or store because you go there way too often, but, like....there is really nowhere else to go.
4. trains used to scare the crap out of me, now I live in a town where trains go by every other hour, woohoo.
5. ummm...television sucks, I honestly don't like it, I don't understand the people that can sit hours watching tv and not get a headache, and so far these past weeks, I wake up no later than 10 am because otherwise I'll miss the Martha Stewart show....how terrible I've fallen.
6. I can sell shoes :) it's great fun, now I know that for sure one day I will own a business, perhaps not a shoe store but something.
7. Want an excuse for not going to the gym to workout? Have no address, they won't let you join the gym.
8. Boredom leads to short hair, short short hair. It's still cute hair, it's just way short.
9. I no longer enjoy going out to eat, it's become an everyday, every meal thing, not cool.
10. It's really not that bad, its a matter of sucking it up, its kind of funny sometimes, the kind of life I get to live, especially when my family is put in one tiny room...together...tiny room...togehter.... I can feel it getting better soon, I really can, except for the part where I get up at 6.30 every morning to go to school.
yay for cleveland.
so sorry about not writing, i've missed ya, just as much as you've missed me
here is the thing though, my writing abilities rely on this thing called, the internet, this thing we've sadly come to take as granted and necessary for our lives to function properly. and really truly, creativeness relies on new technology??????
paper and pencil is no loonger good enough???
sadly for me, im gonna have to say yes to that one. I only feel like the words flow from the tips of my fingers when I can type, not when I can hold a pen.
I've said it many times and I still honestly believe that there is a need for a revolution, for us as a society to realize that we are better than the computers that we create, that our brains are so powerful that beauty would take over our world if we went back to a simpler life, where we actually recognized each other, not tried to guard ourselves with tv's, computers and all the funky gadgets.
Oh la,
Sooooo, Here are the things I've learned about...life...i guess...while living in Cleveland for the past three weeks.
1. I worry too much, about stupid little things, trust is lacking, I don't know that I understand how trust works, like, how does trust make sense in your head???? trust in anything??? Note: the bigger, more important things in life don't worry me at all, its the little things. Its like math, I get the super complicated things, but I always mess up on the simple adding and subtracting, you know what I mean?
2. I freakin' love going to Bob Evans and reading those little books they have about the past while I wait for my table. It's sooo great to learn about the past or about the year you were born.
3. It's awkward and sad when people recognize you whenever you walk into a restaurant or store because you go there way too often, but, like....there is really nowhere else to go.
4. trains used to scare the crap out of me, now I live in a town where trains go by every other hour, woohoo.
5. ummm...television sucks, I honestly don't like it, I don't understand the people that can sit hours watching tv and not get a headache, and so far these past weeks, I wake up no later than 10 am because otherwise I'll miss the Martha Stewart show....how terrible I've fallen.
6. I can sell shoes :) it's great fun, now I know that for sure one day I will own a business, perhaps not a shoe store but something.
7. Want an excuse for not going to the gym to workout? Have no address, they won't let you join the gym.
8. Boredom leads to short hair, short short hair. It's still cute hair, it's just way short.
9. I no longer enjoy going out to eat, it's become an everyday, every meal thing, not cool.
10. It's really not that bad, its a matter of sucking it up, its kind of funny sometimes, the kind of life I get to live, especially when my family is put in one tiny room...together...tiny room...togehter.... I can feel it getting better soon, I really can, except for the part where I get up at 6.30 every morning to go to school.
yay for cleveland.
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