check, check, check...check?

Our lovely airports are so fun to go to that, it is not enough to spend a day in them, it is more fun to spend two!
I was all ready to make my trip home, and, all excited, all happy, and Continental Airlines kinldy (not) told us that our flight detroit-houston was delayed and therefore houston-mexico, would kindly leave with out us. So, disillusioned and sad we left the airport to come back tomorrow at noon and attempt to board our plane again.
I am convinced that this was an act of higher divinity and that we were not meant to board a plane today, it just was not the right day. I am now even more excited to go to mexico, all the doubts of feeling foreign in my own country are a thing of the past and I cannot wait to be there and kiss the blessed ground of Morelia, Michoacan.
So now my family and I are being very american and grilling outside making cheese burgers, and going to a 30 movie theatre amc to watch...a movie, don't know which one yet.

check, check, check...check?

Our lovely airports are so fun to go to that, it is not enough to spend a day in them, it is more fun to spend two!
I was all ready to make my trip home, and, all excited, all happy, and Continental Airlines kinldy (not) told us that our flight detroit-houston was delayed and therefore houston-mexico, would kindly leave with out us. So, disillusioned and sad we left the airport to come back tomorrow at noon and attempt to board our plane again.
I am convinced that this was an act of higher divinity and that we were not meant to board a plane today, it just was not the right day. I am now even more excited to go to mexico, all the doubts of feeling foreign in my own country are a thing of the past and I cannot wait to be there and kiss the blessed ground of Morelia, Michoacan.
So now my family and I are being very american and grilling outside making cheese burgers, and going to a 30 movie theatre amc to watch...a movie, don't know which one yet.

thoughtful

So, I am about to embark on this trip, that I have been waiting for...for a long time now and I am excited, I am thrilled in fact, I know that it will be very exciting and all.
I, however, am making a life changing decision, and for some reason I always feel like I have no time, like so much is expected of me, but, why the hell can't I do what I want? I'm really not worried or overwhelmed, I just like feeling secure on the things that are about to come and so far I do not feel that way. I just want to have enough time to do it all, and not think about the future, just now. And, I want a job, it's stressing me out that I can't find one.
For now, I am going to re-teach myself Pre-Calc. it will be great fun, no joke.

song- worth paying attention to the lyrics

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

If only

I could have all the answers to all my questions..now. Wouldn't that be nice? I always tend to tell myself, Ana, do not worry because everything works out in the end and the answer will come. Sometimes I am not patient enough to wait though, sometimes I just want to know and be told that things will work out. It is so tempting to try to plan my life out, but if it is THAT tempting does that not mean I should do it? If it's that tempting should I not go ahead and plan it out? Perhaps I should wait for the next train.

i say

Not just because you are american does it mean that you can make apple pie.


p.s. Jazz and I don't mix. I tried sitting through 5 min of a Jazz song and I couldn't do it, it was painful my record is 1:05 before I have to turn it off.

being home

My dad has given up all hope of me learning to drive a stick car and has now allowed me to drive the other cars (non stick) and its like I have discovered a new world again, I absolutely love driving non stick cars! I bless the person who decided to make them and sell them! they are lovely. I refuse to see it as failure, not being able to drive a stick, it just isn't for me. It was very nice of my dad to let me drive instead of me sitting here without doing anything.
I did clean my room and re-settled to my house. Although, it actually is more like...i settled for the first time because I haven't actually lived in this house at all. It is really very new to me, I think I wan't to plant flowers, make it more of my house, for some reason planting flowers makes me feel like I could feel more attached to this house. I like my room, it looks good, its missing a desk though, it could really use a desk...by the window. I am most proud of my closet, it looks good.
I have also given in to the power of Cha-cha. Since it is the only thing my parents do, no joke, I have now learned an entire cha-cha routine. I can see why they like it though, it is really fun and the both really get into it. They were trying to teach me and they corrected me as if they were the cha-cha masters. It's ok though, I learned and i was congratulated by the cha-cha masters for being a quick learner. It kind of felt like they had forgotten about all those years of dance technique and dance classes that they have been paying for. They're the kind of parents that are there, but not really, they watch, but they don't get too involved. I kind of felt like telling them, of course I'm good, dance has been my life for my entire teenage years, what do you expect, where you not there?, not in a mean reproach kind of way, I am too old for that, but in a, give me some credit and look at what I can do, which you should be proud of. I don't blame them though, they have been through many changes. As long as they enjoy together dancing, I'll just smile and nod my head and learn a step or two.
I went to get a haircut today, when it comes to my hair, I love getting the 40 dollar hair cuts, I really do. I got a 10 dollar haircut, the most awkward thing ever! I mean it isn't bad, but they don't even blow dry your hair!!! ah! how!!
it's ok though, saving money is important,
I applied to like a million jobs, I really hope someone hires me! please!

the difference

there is a great sublime difference between a cutesie child-like person who lives and jokes and has the soul of a child and therefore radiates happiness to the rest AND between a person who seems like a 20 year old pretending to be a little kid and talks really loud because they become annoying and appear really...not smart. Its not good people, don't do that to yourself, you are really hurting yourself by doing this. You make people not like you and not want to talk to you. It is really just advice because I have nothing else to do and I am annoyed that I am just sitting here waiting to be picked up and I am also hungry.
I applied to 4 summer jobs, one is bound to hire me right?

Dear Blog

I miss you! I miss writing! out of all the people in the entire world, Me! I miss you. Quite truthfully, I am horrible at keeping in touch with people, I always promise to write and I never do, but with you blog, I always wrote back! it really became a habit and I began to appreciate the art of writing, something that had never happened before, so, I have decided to keep writing. Even though the whole concept of blogs is still an enigma to me, I will continue to do so. I find that I am going to have a lot to write about this summer and I wish to do so through the space I have available right now, which is my beloved you!
I walked home in the rain today, although i was soaking wet by the time i made it to the door, i enjoyed it. It reminded me of the spring days when I would go grocery shopping with my mom and we would get wet trying to get everything in the car and we would get home get everything inside, go change, make cafe con leche, and spend the afternoon arranging the pantry and making dinner. I think that a lot of times we get caught up in jealousy and frustration because we want what we can't have and it drives us insane. We all have good memories, simple memories, that we should cherish and that in the end make us who we really are. I think its important that we strive to keep those memories alive because they direct us to the real us and there is no better day than when you feel like you have found your true self. I am packing to go home, it isnt hard, I have had years of experience and I am a pro at it but there is so much that made this year such a good year and I feel like I am putting it all in a box andn putting it away. Perhaps its a cycle though, actually I think it is, we put experiences that we've lived in order to make room for new ones, not better ones, just new ones. I'm excited for the things to come, i just want to be able to make the best of them and do it for me, because I have fun with it, not for other people. THAT is my challenge for the months to come.

my dentist

was really good looking...i was like whoah...but he didn't know much, I have to go to another dentist which I really hate because its like they all get together and decide to make people come back for as many useless appointments as possible so that they make a lot of money. I told him how i was going down to mexico in a couple of days and he was like well if you need more medicine i can give it to you...i might become a motrin addict, i hate that, maybe i'll just be really earthy and believe that nature can heal me and I will no longer have pain. It was still worth going though, now im not freaking out because I know that it's not that serious and my dentist was really good looking.
I got flowers from my boyfriend! (he's not jealous of the dentist) they are so pretty and purple and spring like, they are gorgeous.
I should be using my time wisely and studying but I really don't want to, I just want to sleep.
p.s. I hate listening to people type, it is the thing that annoys me the most.

after classes are over

What happens? Am I automatically supposed to forget about the tension and stress and constant need to do something. I can't seem to do it. It is the saddest thing but I can't seem to enjoy the free worry-free days I have suddenly been granted. For some reason I feel like I am wasting time, on the other hand, I do not wish to do anything but sleep.
Out of the blue I developed a tooth infection, it's really not that severe I mean the pain was not unbearable and now that I have been put under penicilin and motrin around the clock, I don't even feel it. I will tell u a secret, I am terrified of dentists. I have this awful fear of them and the worst is when they make you come back to their office. Why can't they just do everything they need to do for you, in one day! like seriously!!! Anyway I have my appointment tomorrow, we'll see how that goes.
My boyfriend was here friday and saturday. It was so nice, we did absolutely nothing (one of the side effects of the medicine is drowsiness, terrible drowsiness) and we just enjoyed each other's company. We walked around town endlessly, that we did! it was so nice outside and we layed down on the grass and bought bubble stuff, to make bubbles u know, and made bubbles, it was soo much fun. He walked up to one of the many beautiful trees with white flowers on them and cut a flower and gave it to me, so now, everytime I walk by that tree I feel like crying. Since I am going to Mexico, I won't be able to see him for a really long time and it brakes my heart. I know it's not possible, but, my biggest fear is that we will drift apart being so far away from each other and not talking to each other in days. I hope time flies by because I am at my happiest when I am with him. Yesterday was our anniversary, one year and 4 months and it still feels like the first date, its the best.
I've been watching lifetime the whole afternoon. Going to church to the spanish service with loud annoying crying babies really put me in a bad mood. I know it sounds mean but really, a million babies crying at one time gets on my nerves.
so lifetime, for some odd reason...entertains me!

Today made me feel like a failure, and, I hate that feeling. It creates doubts and fears that are really hard to get past. It saddens me that my last day of classes was such a terrible day. I know that we perpetuate situations, I know that we create life negative for ourselves for lack of a better word, perhaps negative is too harsh. It is true that we are also impacted by people though, why is it, however, that instead of interacting with other people in a fun postivive way we must make each other feel upset. If we are going to impact each other's lives negatively, then what is the point of interacting with each other at all?? I mean, I don't need it, I'm sure most people do not welcome arrogance and disrespect and such. I like to think that I can move on and emerge and not care, it is a flaw in my character, I care too much, and it takes a while for me to forget. Today was definitely a day for myself, i just hope I wake up tomorrow to a better day, there are so many things that I just want to get done, get them over with and instead I have to wait for time to go by...and it sucks!
2 more days and william is here, yay!!!

I love ranch dressing

I had sooo much food today!!! the best is ranch dressing with yummy lettuce, I feel soo hot and stuffy and I know its not that hot out, but ranch dressing and lettuce makes it all better.
I love taking showers at 6.30 in the afternoon, its the best. If you've never done it, do it! you'll love it!
PHOTO PHOTO PHOTO
look at the cuute squirrel! :)

to all of you who read this

It is nearing the end of the semester and quite truthfully I do not know if I will keep on writing in this blog. I mean its not that I dont like to write to whoever read this, i do, but I do not know if I will be able to keep up with it. perhaps I will...I still don't know. I have enjoyed writing though, I hope that my ramble has brightened somebody's day or made them giggle, or think, or get mad, who knows! something!
I do not have much to say, for I dont know any of you, but i will say this, how great is the unknown mystery and force that takes care of us, guides us and makes sure that we are all ok. At least for me this has proven to be true in the last few days and I am oh so thankful for everything that I have learned this semester. I have a lot to look forward to this summer. It is my hope that I can tell you all about it and that someone will be interested in learning about it, and if not, that's ok too.
ta-ta!

last night

I went to go see Les Mis which has become my absolute all time favorite musical, I cannot get over how good and awesome it was, it was sooo good that I bought a shirt. Ha! Well my dad bought it for me. It was so nice to spend time with them, we hadn't spent time together in what seems like forever and it was so enjoyable. We went to this cuban restaurant in downtown detroit, which by the way is such a beautiful city and has so much potential. I cannot believe that it has not been taken care of because it has so much to offer. Anyway, we went to this cuban restaurant and it was soo yummy. It was incredibly expensive, but it was well worth it. It was enjoyable food and atmosphere and so fun. It was so nice to be able to spend the afternoon not doing hw, not feeling stressed, just having a good time.
We did not come back until really late and so, thats why I didnt post anything. I was exhausted.
P.S. whoever invented websites SUCKS and is ruining my life.

i didnt post yesterday

So, i decided I would post twice today. Also, I'm in writing mode I have been writing paper since 2 pm with a one hour break but now I am done. I just have to go back and make sure it makes sense. I hope so because I don't feel like changing that much. I really want coffee and I already had some today and I never want coffee, I'm just really craving it, but, I'm not doing it, not unless someone else pays for it for me.
Anyway, I'm soooo glad that paper is more than half way done, edit, finish biblio and turn in, so relieved.
I really want to write because last night, the wonderful amazing professor Kathy Horn invited her cfc class from last semester to dinner and although not everybody was able to go, a lot of us did and it was sooooooooo much fun. I really have no other way to say this but this woman is the motherfucking shit! Not only did she have an amazing amount of food for us, she showed us her house and the artwork she owns, she talked to us like she is one of our best friends and shared so much of her life with us. She is so genuine and classy and sophisticated, if u ever have the chance to meet her and talk to her, i am confident you will feel the same way. We all seriously worship her. We seriously stayed at her house for like 4 hours and did not want to leave. She is always so motivating and friendly. I had not laughed as much as I did yesterday night, in a really long time, this woman is truly amazing and it was so refershing to be in the presence of someone who is so worldly and so educated.
One more thing, I don't know if this is true for everybody, but, I am not perfect, I have every right to not do so great in tests or projects, just like everybody else, I have good stuff and amazing stuff. It is not a bad thing that people find others motivating or inspiring or that we strive to work as hard and somebody else does. It however, is terrible to want to always compete with such a person. It bothers me to know that this person who shall remain unamed feels the need to compare herself to me no matter what and if she happens to get a better grade or if we happen to do the same on assignments, she finds the need to tell other people and put me down. It is even more bothersome when she pretends that she does no such thing. I don't care what kind of grades you get, I do not care to compete with you and I do not care to be compared to you, never have I cared, never will I care. People! just never do it.

i meant to write yesterday but it was like 1 am and i fell asleep before i wrote
now i have no time bc i have soooo much work to do it is absolutly insane
i think i will feel a year older once this weekend is over
1. write 10 page paper about herod the great for the land of palestine. be critical and analytical
2. make a website...
3. take a million pics of squirrels for photo
im not even having fun with any of this
terrible weekend

after hours art school

It is so enjoyable to stay here until late when there are no classes, it is soooo relaxing!
One of my friend noticed that today's date is actually a numerical sequence date, 04.05.06 ha! how great is that!
stressed backwards spells desserts
my boyfriend wants to be an engineer :)
I'm happy because he is coming to visit in 8 days!

blink, blink, blink

I am starting to feel the negative effects of stress.
This weak body of mine was not made for the life style my mind envisions.
All is well though, everything turns out just fine, better than fine in the end.
I may not look it, but I'm happy, under this tired face, I am smiling.
My sister told me today that, our house director, the lady that runs Martha Cook, came up to her and asked her if she had been the one to write a book about Geneva. My sister told her no, that it had been me. Marion, the woman's name told her that it had been such a nice thing to do. That Geneva had shown it to everybody in the house and was soo pleased with the end result. She felt that it had been such a special thing to do, for someone to notice her and make something for her. Marion saw the book and thought it was so nicely put together and it was evident that a lot of time was put into it and that was such a kind thing to do for Geneva.
It doesn't get any better than that. Not that the work is recognized or praised, not that it recieved a good grade, but that it impacted this woman's life in such a positive way and that she appreciates the end result so much, it means the world to me.

for today

People who talk but have nothing to say bother me.
cfc bothers me
cold wind bothers me
everything in the way of me and sleep bothers me
receiving packages from mr. william miles makes me happy

I made

A suitcase, a pair of shoes, a wallet, a watch, and a pair of train tickets.
If only the suitcase was bigger, the shoes were nine west, the wallet and the watch were coach and the train tickets were actually train tickets to some awesome place like ciudad de mexico or Syracuse.
dip, 12 days and I will see you! :)

2 words

exhausted
content