I haven't laughed so hard in about...3 days! ha! tonite was so fun though, I love people who just like to have a good time.
I admire talented people who can dance and create emotions with simple gestures and movement. They don't have to speak or look at you, simply looking at their hands, their arms, their feet, the way they move, you understand so much. Dance is such a beautiful art.
So is laughing, being able to laugh and being able to make people laugh...without trying too hard, its an art in itself (period) .
I have managed to escape the surrounding disease of the terrible head cold, seriously everybody around me has been sick or is sick, and I felt so lucky that the sickness had decided to skip me...not so much anymore...terrible soar throat...IT HURTS!
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
something like...
the deepest thoughts always come to us in silence.
what does this mean?
It means that when we are alone, at one with ourselves, in complete and utter silences, the thoughts that come to our minds, are the things that really matter to us, the things we really want, the things that really hurt, the things that we really care for and so on.
I love this quote, its by a poet...shall have to post her name later, I don't have it with me right now.
what does this mean?
It means that when we are alone, at one with ourselves, in complete and utter silences, the thoughts that come to our minds, are the things that really matter to us, the things we really want, the things that really hurt, the things that we really care for and so on.
I love this quote, its by a poet...shall have to post her name later, I don't have it with me right now.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Michigan immigrant
So today in the Diag at the University of Michigan a group of republican conservatives decided to protest against illegal immigrants in the U.S. They played a game called catch the illegal immigrant. Which is a reenactment of an immigrant crossing the border and having police beat him down and chase him returning him to Mexican Land.
I have a problem with this. I believe its the year 2006 and that people are so beyond common sense, or comprehension, that they find stupidity as...enlightenment.
How can you tell me that beating someone up just because they are trying to gain a better life is a good thing? What makes a person better than the next?
If anything I think is the motivation to strive. Not the need to feel superior, just because you are blessed to be born in "the land of opportunities."
There are soooo many things that people could concentrate on bettering, like the fact that we waste too much energy, that we should concentrate on being at one with the world and with each other. Instead people choose to be angry, but they don't even know why they are angry, they don't even know why they feel they are entitled to bring other people down and supress them.
I am extremely disappointed at all the people who support this movement. You are wasting your energy and giving yourself such a bad image, when in fact you should be dealing with your own personal problems because most likely than not...you have many of them. If not you would be trying to make the world a happy place, not hostile.
I do believe that there are rules and laws to be followed. These rules however DO NOT give people the right to hurt or damage a person, especially when they have committed no crime and are not harming anyone. There are ways to deal with issues without having to resolve to violence and it is painful and disgusting that the best solution to arguments, are fights and sometimes unfortunate casualties. It is on your shoulders, all of you who choose to participate in violence, because of you this world is what it is, full of crime and corruption...and I do believe that conservative people are against crime and corruption...so why are you perpetuating it?
I greatly applaud the Latino community and all the people that were able to make it to the diag. and peacefully protest this horrific scene. (latino kids chose to wear yellow shirts that say michigan immigrant on it, and thats all they did)
I believe this is the best way to deal with such situations and it is my hope that history and kindness teaches people that violence and superiority leads to nothing but pain.
I have a problem with this. I believe its the year 2006 and that people are so beyond common sense, or comprehension, that they find stupidity as...enlightenment.
How can you tell me that beating someone up just because they are trying to gain a better life is a good thing? What makes a person better than the next?
If anything I think is the motivation to strive. Not the need to feel superior, just because you are blessed to be born in "the land of opportunities."
There are soooo many things that people could concentrate on bettering, like the fact that we waste too much energy, that we should concentrate on being at one with the world and with each other. Instead people choose to be angry, but they don't even know why they are angry, they don't even know why they feel they are entitled to bring other people down and supress them.
I am extremely disappointed at all the people who support this movement. You are wasting your energy and giving yourself such a bad image, when in fact you should be dealing with your own personal problems because most likely than not...you have many of them. If not you would be trying to make the world a happy place, not hostile.
I do believe that there are rules and laws to be followed. These rules however DO NOT give people the right to hurt or damage a person, especially when they have committed no crime and are not harming anyone. There are ways to deal with issues without having to resolve to violence and it is painful and disgusting that the best solution to arguments, are fights and sometimes unfortunate casualties. It is on your shoulders, all of you who choose to participate in violence, because of you this world is what it is, full of crime and corruption...and I do believe that conservative people are against crime and corruption...so why are you perpetuating it?
I greatly applaud the Latino community and all the people that were able to make it to the diag. and peacefully protest this horrific scene. (latino kids chose to wear yellow shirts that say michigan immigrant on it, and thats all they did)
I believe this is the best way to deal with such situations and it is my hope that history and kindness teaches people that violence and superiority leads to nothing but pain.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Its a gorgeous day
I could sit and stare out my window all day long at the beautiful sun and the way it hits on the building across the street, makes it seem like an enchanted beautiful little place. I have been outside, however, and its a happy day. It's one of those days when you think, I'm damn happy to be alive! and you just want to talk to everybody and smile and be peachy and ay ay ay! the world should have more of these days.
I love my drawing class so so so much. My professor officially named the duck I drew Clarice...but I wanted to name it Haywood, so we left it at Clarice Haywood.
Time can be our best friend sometimes. Time and life...well the things we do in life. I think my biggest flaw is that I try to control things when I know they can't and don't want to be controlled. I don't notice it though, I don't notice that I want to control things, I just sort of do it. It saves me the trouble of having to worry about things at the last minute, but I'm starting to see, that somethings just like to work themselves out.
Ohh, how I love thinking and analyzing thoughts, I could do it all day.
Monday, September 25, 2006
does it ever happen to you?
You find yourself at a crossroad and you know where you are supposed to go, there is no question about it, your heart, your soul and your mind tell you to follow that road, but there are too many barriers, too many people in the way and too many self-doubts, that you just stand there or even worse, you turn the wrong way. I don't want to be the one to do that, I don't want to be the one to walk away. I was once told that my entire life was going to be a struggle to fight for the things that I wanted. That it was going to be hard, but that my life had a purpose, so I should fight for the things I really want.
Here is how I see it, I am not verbal enough to defend myself, thats what people think. People say I let others walk all over me, the worst part is that the ones that tell me this, are the people walking all over me. I think this is how most people see the way I handle situations.
How sad life would be for me then, if I found the need to yell and bring people down, just the way they bring me down. My dad once told me, what is humble? what does it mean to be humble? I still don't know very well, but I have a certain understanding of what it is, and I try to be just that everyday. I don't see my silence as weakness, I see it as humbleness.
Being able to be compassionate for others, for the people who hurt us, for the selfish people, for the ones who believe they are the only victims or they are the only defenseless people, it's a virtue.
I am the observer, the listener. I am the one who understands everything you believe I dont understand.
While people spent their time being angry or victimizing themselves, I spend it forgiving and wishing them the very best. Just be sure that just because I dont say anything, does not mean that you havent done anything wrong, or that you havent harmed me in anyway. I am just too humble to think that I deserve the chance to scold you for any of it.
Perhaps it seems hypocritical to write about this in my blog, but I get sick and tired of those who believe I dont think things thru or that I am not hurt by the things they do, I am, but who am I to make you feel bad for it? I dont wish it upon you but If you are human enough, you would feel guilt. And today, is one of those days were I would like to let all of you know that, it is not weakness, it is not ego, it is not unawareness, its about being able to sit down and analyze and reanalyze situations, its about patience and compassion, its about forgiveness and humbleness.
Today in english class we got our first assignments back, and I got an A on mine! I got really amazing feedback from my professor and its such a great feeling. I enjoy writing, I enjoy the art of it, and committing to an idea, to a phrase, to a word. It is all so fun. Its something I have definitely become passionate about and it makes me smile!
You know those days, when you just feel soo pretty and so comfortable with yourself and the way you look...the way you are, today is one of those days :)
Here is how I see it, I am not verbal enough to defend myself, thats what people think. People say I let others walk all over me, the worst part is that the ones that tell me this, are the people walking all over me. I think this is how most people see the way I handle situations.
How sad life would be for me then, if I found the need to yell and bring people down, just the way they bring me down. My dad once told me, what is humble? what does it mean to be humble? I still don't know very well, but I have a certain understanding of what it is, and I try to be just that everyday. I don't see my silence as weakness, I see it as humbleness.
Being able to be compassionate for others, for the people who hurt us, for the selfish people, for the ones who believe they are the only victims or they are the only defenseless people, it's a virtue.
I am the observer, the listener. I am the one who understands everything you believe I dont understand.
While people spent their time being angry or victimizing themselves, I spend it forgiving and wishing them the very best. Just be sure that just because I dont say anything, does not mean that you havent done anything wrong, or that you havent harmed me in anyway. I am just too humble to think that I deserve the chance to scold you for any of it.
Perhaps it seems hypocritical to write about this in my blog, but I get sick and tired of those who believe I dont think things thru or that I am not hurt by the things they do, I am, but who am I to make you feel bad for it? I dont wish it upon you but If you are human enough, you would feel guilt. And today, is one of those days were I would like to let all of you know that, it is not weakness, it is not ego, it is not unawareness, its about being able to sit down and analyze and reanalyze situations, its about patience and compassion, its about forgiveness and humbleness.
Today in english class we got our first assignments back, and I got an A on mine! I got really amazing feedback from my professor and its such a great feeling. I enjoy writing, I enjoy the art of it, and committing to an idea, to a phrase, to a word. It is all so fun. Its something I have definitely become passionate about and it makes me smile!
You know those days, when you just feel soo pretty and so comfortable with yourself and the way you look...the way you are, today is one of those days :)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
the art of making art
I've never believed in calling myself an artist. I think people who call themselves artists and have not practiced art for more than 40 years are purely egotistic. I am a student of art, I learn about art and then practice and practice until it becomes a little bit of second nature (it never really does.) Right or wrong, I am very doubtful of my skills. I know I am talented but I don't believe it sometimes. I always think, I still have so much to learn instead of wow I have less to learn because look at me, look what I can do!
When I work, I work for the satisfaction of learning along the way and of finishing. I work to better the way I draw. I work to create an emotion in a drawing and to be detailed. I work to perfect I guess its the way to put it and this way, I will work all my life because there is no perfect.
I went to the Natural history museum, We are drawing birds in my drawing studio and so I am drawing a duck. We usually go to the museum as a class but I decided I wanted to work ahead (Im utterly slow) and I went to the museum this morning. I was all by myself and I drew for about 2 hours. Little kids came by and watched me draw, people walked by and I could feel them looking but it didn't bother me. It was entertaining. I could watch their reflection on the window and its such a weird feeling, like people look at you because you are able to do something that they can't. This woman came up and she was with a bunch of kids, I'm assuming a field trip, and she started telling another woman how she thought I drew beautifully and she asked me if I was in art school and what technique I was using, because she had taken art classes in college. She told me to keep up the good work and walked away. All I could say was thank you in a very shy kind of way, because, well...thats what I do.
Ten minutes later she came back and said, you've inspired me, I'm going to take my drawings out and draw and happily walked away. And... I happily laughed and thought, well good! but your art is not just your art, your art is yours and whoever else sees it, it belongs to both of you and it impacts both of you.
A little later on this man came up to me and asked me if I was with an art class. I told him I was doing work for an art class but I wasnt with my class then. He said he kept seeing students drawing and wondered if they were from U of M. He told me he taught classes in the museum and also puts up displays for the museum. He then said, I just appreciate good art, very nice work. And I could not believe it. Like I was there to work, but, I got comments from people that were not grading me or critiquing me, they were admiring my work and so for a little while I actually believed that I am good, that I deserve to believe i'm good in a non-egotistic way.
I went to the art store to buy watercolors and watercolor paper, and I believe this place is pure good vibe. I hadn't seen a 1999 penny in a good six months, and today I found one, I didn't just find one, it was given to me, I was MEANT to recieve this penny and so I believe in what is next with full and utter faith, because I was also given a 1994 D penny. As unreal as it seems, its true, its very true.
When I work, I work for the satisfaction of learning along the way and of finishing. I work to better the way I draw. I work to create an emotion in a drawing and to be detailed. I work to perfect I guess its the way to put it and this way, I will work all my life because there is no perfect.
I went to the Natural history museum, We are drawing birds in my drawing studio and so I am drawing a duck. We usually go to the museum as a class but I decided I wanted to work ahead (Im utterly slow) and I went to the museum this morning. I was all by myself and I drew for about 2 hours. Little kids came by and watched me draw, people walked by and I could feel them looking but it didn't bother me. It was entertaining. I could watch their reflection on the window and its such a weird feeling, like people look at you because you are able to do something that they can't. This woman came up and she was with a bunch of kids, I'm assuming a field trip, and she started telling another woman how she thought I drew beautifully and she asked me if I was in art school and what technique I was using, because she had taken art classes in college. She told me to keep up the good work and walked away. All I could say was thank you in a very shy kind of way, because, well...thats what I do.
Ten minutes later she came back and said, you've inspired me, I'm going to take my drawings out and draw and happily walked away. And... I happily laughed and thought, well good! but your art is not just your art, your art is yours and whoever else sees it, it belongs to both of you and it impacts both of you.
A little later on this man came up to me and asked me if I was with an art class. I told him I was doing work for an art class but I wasnt with my class then. He said he kept seeing students drawing and wondered if they were from U of M. He told me he taught classes in the museum and also puts up displays for the museum. He then said, I just appreciate good art, very nice work. And I could not believe it. Like I was there to work, but, I got comments from people that were not grading me or critiquing me, they were admiring my work and so for a little while I actually believed that I am good, that I deserve to believe i'm good in a non-egotistic way.
I went to the art store to buy watercolors and watercolor paper, and I believe this place is pure good vibe. I hadn't seen a 1999 penny in a good six months, and today I found one, I didn't just find one, it was given to me, I was MEANT to recieve this penny and so I believe in what is next with full and utter faith, because I was also given a 1994 D penny. As unreal as it seems, its true, its very true.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
it's beginning to get to me
I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense
We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost.
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense
We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Hey little darling
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
~david gray
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
~david gray
Monday, September 18, 2006
uuummm
...I don't think it would matter today, I could stand on my head, dance and jump around, yell or sing and it all wouldn't matter today...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Hello Cuba!
My daddy's birthday was today!!! and so last night we went out to a cuban restaurant in downtown Detroit. We had all our family friends there plus my roomie Catherine and my sister's bf which I shall refer to as radish. It was soooo much fun. There was great food, great music, great laughs and fun and we all looked gorgeous ;).
After a great feast of paella, cakes and mojitos haha! we danced and although the dancing started very low key...people get crazy these days, lets just say it CANNOT be called dancing...its something else. Still we all enjoyed it. My favorite part was watching my parents dance together. It's like the years never pass them by and as the years go by they learn to appreciate each other more and more and love being around each other. I love my parents because they know how to have fun and they teach me how to have fun.
favorite phrase of the night: Stop making mojitos and dancing flamingo dammit!!! - me.
Most expensive flan I have ever had, but delicioso!
I love these girls...we're tight! hehe
Mr. and Mrs. Del Angel...they're in their late 20's....FELIZ CUMPLE PAPI!!! LOS ADORO! :)
It's flamenco not flamingo!!! She reminded me of my good old dancing days...someday I'll go back
Not only were our outfits matching....we ate the whole thing! yuuumm ( we are such roommies!)
After a great feast of paella, cakes and mojitos haha! we danced and although the dancing started very low key...people get crazy these days, lets just say it CANNOT be called dancing...its something else. Still we all enjoyed it. My favorite part was watching my parents dance together. It's like the years never pass them by and as the years go by they learn to appreciate each other more and more and love being around each other. I love my parents because they know how to have fun and they teach me how to have fun.
favorite phrase of the night: Stop making mojitos and dancing flamingo dammit!!! - me.
Most expensive flan I have ever had, but delicioso!
I love these girls...we're tight! hehe
Mr. and Mrs. Del Angel...they're in their late 20's....FELIZ CUMPLE PAPI!!! LOS ADORO! :)
It's flamenco not flamingo!!! She reminded me of my good old dancing days...someday I'll go back
Not only were our outfits matching....we ate the whole thing! yuuumm ( we are such roommies!)
Friday, September 15, 2006
Like....
there are sooo many things that I would like to write about today, I wish I could spend a whole day writing on my blog, but I kind of dont want to do that so Im gonna write about how I spent about four hours playing with photo shop today and I absolutely love it! Its like...whoah! I think I spent last semester afraid of my computer and how to use all the programs that I have but now I know where to find things and do things and it is soooo much fun! the feeling of...conquering...is such a great feeling. Its like knowing that yes absolutely like a wise man once told me...cant, is not an option.
I feel like Ive found inspiration again, it took me 6 long freaking hard months to find inspiration again and believe in my skills again and the best part is that Im having fun. Im having fun doing what I do and Im loving what I do. Its so weird how things just click one day, you can practice and practice, do and do, dread and dread, try and try and then one day...it just clicks, life just clicks. So here are a couple examples of my experiments today with photoshop.
Helloooooo Mr. Sun! your chubby cheeks make me happy. He just wanted to be black and white.
Well...what is different about this martini glass???
Oh she is so pretty in sepia!
This used to be all beige, now its blue and green.
This eye used to be green, I added blue tones to make it more exciting!
p.s. VIVA MEXICO AND OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! YAY!!!! PARTY!!!!! SO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE WHO GET TO EAT TAMALES AND POZOLE AND GO OUT AND BLOW UP CRAZY AMOUNTS OF FIRE WORKS AND PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!! I MISS MY MEXICO!!!!
I feel like Ive found inspiration again, it took me 6 long freaking hard months to find inspiration again and believe in my skills again and the best part is that Im having fun. Im having fun doing what I do and Im loving what I do. Its so weird how things just click one day, you can practice and practice, do and do, dread and dread, try and try and then one day...it just clicks, life just clicks. So here are a couple examples of my experiments today with photoshop.
Helloooooo Mr. Sun! your chubby cheeks make me happy. He just wanted to be black and white.
Well...what is different about this martini glass???
Oh she is so pretty in sepia!
This used to be all beige, now its blue and green.
This eye used to be green, I added blue tones to make it more exciting!
p.s. VIVA MEXICO AND OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! YAY!!!! PARTY!!!!! SO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE WHO GET TO EAT TAMALES AND POZOLE AND GO OUT AND BLOW UP CRAZY AMOUNTS OF FIRE WORKS AND PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!! I MISS MY MEXICO!!!!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
right in front of my face
I'm the kind of person who is incredibly capable of tunning out of the world, and drown in my own thoughts. I can be surrounded by noise but if I' thinking, or working, I completely ignore it, it's like it's not there. We always hear of people who live in their own world and bubble...thats me! I only see the important things, the things I'm used to thinking about and rarely notice my surroundings. Today was just like every other day, me and my little head, I had had a lot of water and went on this tour of our media resources (Video, lighiting, audio, blah blah blah) and so all I could think about after that was how bad I had to go to the bathroom and so I went into the bathroom and turned around to a wall of the bathroom stall and froze after seeing the following phrase, "destiny awaits" although the a in awaits was faded out so I first read it as "destiny waits"
I forgot about my bubble, I forgot about my thoughts, I realized that I was no longer tuning out the rest of the world and there it was just for me, this little phrase. Either way of reading it...it means something great, and so I once again prove that yes indeed there are signs everywhere and they come to you when you least expect them and it is so satisfying to know that the world does work in a certain way. It is not just some chaotic crazy thing, it was a purpose, we have a purpose, I have a purpose and slowly but surely it is being laid out for me and I am following it, that I'm sure, I am following the path I'm suppose to follow. BIG YAY FOR THURSDAY.
I forgot about my bubble, I forgot about my thoughts, I realized that I was no longer tuning out the rest of the world and there it was just for me, this little phrase. Either way of reading it...it means something great, and so I once again prove that yes indeed there are signs everywhere and they come to you when you least expect them and it is so satisfying to know that the world does work in a certain way. It is not just some chaotic crazy thing, it was a purpose, we have a purpose, I have a purpose and slowly but surely it is being laid out for me and I am following it, that I'm sure, I am following the path I'm suppose to follow. BIG YAY FOR THURSDAY.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
ahh... the joys of planning out life
The truth is, there is no way to plan out life. You can picture it and you can dream about it, but it will never work out that way. You cant choose the places where you are or where you'll be, you never know when you will start liking someone or when you'll stop liking someone and you can't yell at the world for not giving you what you THINK you need or you deserve. Life doesn't work that way. Life happily enough is a complicated thing and it takes and gives to make you wiser, to make you realize that the mind you possess is grand and much more greater and beautiful than anything in this world (nature is pretty wonderful too.) You are given A life that has already been planned for you, the people that come into your life are put there for a reason, the people that leave you, leave for a reason and letting that one life you were granted take you where it's supposed to is the only way to live. It is the root of what people need.
I just ate the most delicious cup cake ever. I should've stolen two instead of one from the kitchen.
One more thing, losing things cost you money. Not having the intention to leave keys, wallets, credit cards, ID's costs you money!!!! Does that make sense!???? It's like I'm being punished for something I never intended to have happen but hey...it all happens for a reason right? right!
I just ate the most delicious cup cake ever. I should've stolen two instead of one from the kitchen.
One more thing, losing things cost you money. Not having the intention to leave keys, wallets, credit cards, ID's costs you money!!!! Does that make sense!???? It's like I'm being punished for something I never intended to have happen but hey...it all happens for a reason right? right!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
apples apples
I've decided that I'm gonna try to have a picture or two go with at least one of my entries per week, I think it will be fun. This entire weekend has been about apples, all I can think about is apples in every form and the phrase "the apple of my eye" I think apples will be interesting only for this project and then...they'll get old, just like they were before. I'm only a fan of apple pie during fall because of apple season and of apple sauce.
How many times did I just write the word- apple- in that paragraph?
I like what I'm doing though, I so want to grow this year as an artist and more importantly grow in my drawing skills, I'm very passionate about drawing lately.
Here is a picture of my charcoal powder and a hint of the model for this project (a yellow greenish apple)
and here is also an eaten away apple ( I didn't actually eat it, I bit into it and threw out the apple bites)
but I liked this picture, it looks like an apple sculpture to me and makes me happy!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
thinking of...
"how precious was the grace that appeared
the hour I started to believe."
This week I have learned so much about myself, I think somewhere we lose ourselves sometimes. We begin to depend on people and things and until those are taken away from us we realize how strong/how weak we really are. A year ago I think I was only happy when I found myself in other people or in other things. Now I think I am starting to find myself enjoying people and enjoying things. As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I see things in a new light, I think faith had grown cold and monotonous within me, unreal. I feel it through me again and it's so gratifying not only because it feels good but because I am no longer afraid of loosing it, I am starting to understand how not to lose it once again. These are the times when we need to sit down and reflect and be proud of ourselves because we are defining ourselves as an individual as a real bone and flesh person. Yesterday I was thinking how in the blink of an eye, I will be twenty and where those years went I begin to realize that I don't know! I mean I do know...I was here and there and did this and that, but they went by sooo fast! Yet they have been good building blocks and life right now wants me to let go of you, past, not forget you, but simply not be attached to you because there is more to come and I believe in that, the better. I look at myself and the mistakes, happened for a reason, and the good choices happened for a reason and the pain happened for a reason, but I still learn and I can still pick myself up and keep on smiling. So that is what I will learn to do, give you up past, you no longer want me and I no longer need you. And there is no better day than the day when you realize that sometimes giving it all up to life, to where it wants to take you, is the best way to go.
the hour I started to believe."
This week I have learned so much about myself, I think somewhere we lose ourselves sometimes. We begin to depend on people and things and until those are taken away from us we realize how strong/how weak we really are. A year ago I think I was only happy when I found myself in other people or in other things. Now I think I am starting to find myself enjoying people and enjoying things. As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I see things in a new light, I think faith had grown cold and monotonous within me, unreal. I feel it through me again and it's so gratifying not only because it feels good but because I am no longer afraid of loosing it, I am starting to understand how not to lose it once again. These are the times when we need to sit down and reflect and be proud of ourselves because we are defining ourselves as an individual as a real bone and flesh person. Yesterday I was thinking how in the blink of an eye, I will be twenty and where those years went I begin to realize that I don't know! I mean I do know...I was here and there and did this and that, but they went by sooo fast! Yet they have been good building blocks and life right now wants me to let go of you, past, not forget you, but simply not be attached to you because there is more to come and I believe in that, the better. I look at myself and the mistakes, happened for a reason, and the good choices happened for a reason and the pain happened for a reason, but I still learn and I can still pick myself up and keep on smiling. So that is what I will learn to do, give you up past, you no longer want me and I no longer need you. And there is no better day than the day when you realize that sometimes giving it all up to life, to where it wants to take you, is the best way to go.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
change of plans
I was gonna write this letter to myself about how I should not let stress or fear get in the way of my learning and how I need to love myself and care for myself before I care for others. It was also going to be about thriving and not getting stuck but finding things were I can develop my skills and grow as a person.
Screw that though, it all goes through my head day and night and I think I'll be ok, I don't think I need to be reminded of that. I really really feel excited about my tues. thurs. classes and I'm hoping I feel the same about mon. wed. classes.
Somebody took my wallet! give it back! I hate you! because of you I couldn't sit down today to just rest, I was all over the place, trying to find it and the worst worst part is that my coca-cola key chain was in there! give it back!
... I wonder if it's bad karma, I really need to start yoga again.
I then went to get my hair cut, it was really fun and the lady kept on telling me how gorgeous my hair is and how happy she was to be able to cut it. She was really nice, it made me wish I were a hair stylist, like I could totally do it... maybe I will.
I feel like everybody in school looks so much older now. We are no longer the scared intimidated freshmen, it's like we all believe we belong there, yet there is soooo much to learn, and I don't feel older or wiser, if anything I think I want to stop myself from feeling all that.
I'm definitely finding myself, what I really want to do and that's a good feeling.
I had nothing to do this afternoon, I had to fill out this quiz and If everybody on Earth lived like me we would need 4.3 planets and my total footprint number on this number is 19, i dont know what that means but I like number 19
I'm eating a peach
and im gonna go get cookies and milk now and get fat yay!
Screw that though, it all goes through my head day and night and I think I'll be ok, I don't think I need to be reminded of that. I really really feel excited about my tues. thurs. classes and I'm hoping I feel the same about mon. wed. classes.
Somebody took my wallet! give it back! I hate you! because of you I couldn't sit down today to just rest, I was all over the place, trying to find it and the worst worst part is that my coca-cola key chain was in there! give it back!
... I wonder if it's bad karma, I really need to start yoga again.
I then went to get my hair cut, it was really fun and the lady kept on telling me how gorgeous my hair is and how happy she was to be able to cut it. She was really nice, it made me wish I were a hair stylist, like I could totally do it... maybe I will.
I feel like everybody in school looks so much older now. We are no longer the scared intimidated freshmen, it's like we all believe we belong there, yet there is soooo much to learn, and I don't feel older or wiser, if anything I think I want to stop myself from feeling all that.
I'm definitely finding myself, what I really want to do and that's a good feeling.
I had nothing to do this afternoon, I had to fill out this quiz and If everybody on Earth lived like me we would need 4.3 planets and my total footprint number on this number is 19, i dont know what that means but I like number 19
I'm eating a peach
and im gonna go get cookies and milk now and get fat yay!
Monday, September 04, 2006
tu peor error
Hace tiempo que comento con la almohada,
Que tal vez si para ti soy una carga,
Hace tiempo que ya no le creo nada
Y he notado tu sonrisa algo cansada.
Con los días se amontonan los momentos,
Que perdimos por tratar de ser sinceros,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.
Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.
He tocado con la punta de los dedos
Ese cielo que prometes con tus besos,
Como un niño me creí todos tus cuentos,
Y aunq tu me entiendas yo ya no te entiendo.
Solo quedan los recuerdos de ese invierno,
Que pasamos enterrando sentimientos,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.
Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.
No he sido yo, lo amargo de tu voz,
La mala entre nosotros dos,
Y no pasa nada, si apago la luz,
Y busco y no estas tú,
Si el tiempo no nos dijo adiós,
Y todo se acaba, yo.
-la quinta estacion
Que tal vez si para ti soy una carga,
Hace tiempo que ya no le creo nada
Y he notado tu sonrisa algo cansada.
Con los días se amontonan los momentos,
Que perdimos por tratar de ser sinceros,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.
Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.
He tocado con la punta de los dedos
Ese cielo que prometes con tus besos,
Como un niño me creí todos tus cuentos,
Y aunq tu me entiendas yo ya no te entiendo.
Solo quedan los recuerdos de ese invierno,
Que pasamos enterrando sentimientos,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.
Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.
No he sido yo, lo amargo de tu voz,
La mala entre nosotros dos,
Y no pasa nada, si apago la luz,
Y busco y no estas tú,
Si el tiempo no nos dijo adiós,
Y todo se acaba, yo.
-la quinta estacion
Sunday, September 03, 2006
too much eye make up
Last night was my first outing of my sophmore year and it was fun! I was soo exhausted but it was definitely good to go out get some fresh air and dance a little. I got to see all the people that I met last year when I first moved in, they are all part of the latino community here at Michigan. I love being part of this community its so great that a whole year could go by without us seeing each other and still feel soooo damn happy to run into each other again! And of course, we have good music. I got to wear my very new funky shoes and they are absolutely the most comfotable high heels I have ever worn. I then came home and you know what I hate about make up??? It does not come off! you have to scrub at your face for it to come off and it still won't! I love being girly and putting on make up and looking pretty but I don't want to have dark circles around my eyes because the mascara wont come off! what to do what to do????
Well, don't worry if it doesn't come off entierely, the next day, you don't have to bother about eyeliner or mascara! and that way you sleep more (especially when the alarm clock doesn't go off and you wake up 5 min before you are supposed to be out the door) and you keep your eyelashes healthier!
I went to Findlay Ohio today. It is out in the nowhere, all farms and tiny little town but it was fun. We went to visit some friends that live there and they have 3 kids, one that is 9 years old, one is 4 and one is 8 months old. They are amazing kids, sooo smart, so outgoing and so mature for their age. Their family moves around alot and the 9 year old girl reminds me soo much of me when I was her age. I so wanted to tell her, in ten year my dear, you'll be soo mature and so smart, I think I admire you already. I got to put the 8 month old baby to sleep and although she scratched my neck and it looks like a cat attacked me, I thought she was precious, she let me put her to sleep and you always hear, women have maternal instincts since birth, I never actually believed it, especially me, but it made me think, I could do this, I want to do this, in the future having a baby will be the best thing that could ever happen to me.
I also went to a cave, well cavern, I've never been to one before and they talked about all the stuff I learned in earth science this summer so it was kind of interesting, but then again not really...still I've been there.
I still have to arrange my closet and dresser, ahh!!
It's all good though, I think it will be good this year.
Well, don't worry if it doesn't come off entierely, the next day, you don't have to bother about eyeliner or mascara! and that way you sleep more (especially when the alarm clock doesn't go off and you wake up 5 min before you are supposed to be out the door) and you keep your eyelashes healthier!
I went to Findlay Ohio today. It is out in the nowhere, all farms and tiny little town but it was fun. We went to visit some friends that live there and they have 3 kids, one that is 9 years old, one is 4 and one is 8 months old. They are amazing kids, sooo smart, so outgoing and so mature for their age. Their family moves around alot and the 9 year old girl reminds me soo much of me when I was her age. I so wanted to tell her, in ten year my dear, you'll be soo mature and so smart, I think I admire you already. I got to put the 8 month old baby to sleep and although she scratched my neck and it looks like a cat attacked me, I thought she was precious, she let me put her to sleep and you always hear, women have maternal instincts since birth, I never actually believed it, especially me, but it made me think, I could do this, I want to do this, in the future having a baby will be the best thing that could ever happen to me.
I also went to a cave, well cavern, I've never been to one before and they talked about all the stuff I learned in earth science this summer so it was kind of interesting, but then again not really...still I've been there.
I still have to arrange my closet and dresser, ahh!!
It's all good though, I think it will be good this year.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
It's starting to feel like fall
I finally made it to Ann Arbor, it's really good to be back, the second time around it doensn't feel like such a strange place. It feels welcoming. Yesterday was the never ending day! I got here and unpacked all my stuff, then my roommate and I went to buy a couch bc we have a room for our beds and a room for our tv, desks and such. It's really nice and cozy the way we've set up everything. It took us like four hours to put the couch together though, it was incredibly complicated but soo worth it! It's a fun couch. And! we can turn it into a bed if anyone comes to visit! So by the time we were done it was already 2 am and our room looked like a disaster but we decided to go to sleep instead. We heard a person yell you mother fucker blah blah blah! And we laughed for like 10 min. straight and somehow managed to stay awake until 5 am. It was a fun night though.
I am soooo tired now and I'm still not done unpacking. It also didn't help that we went to a friends house to watch the U of M football game (we won yay!...i dont really care) so I wasted half the day and I just want to sleep now, sleep sleep sleep.
College feels different, a little over whelming but good, I really think its the cloudy rainy weather that is getting me down.
I am soooo tired now and I'm still not done unpacking. It also didn't help that we went to a friends house to watch the U of M football game (we won yay!...i dont really care) so I wasted half the day and I just want to sleep now, sleep sleep sleep.
College feels different, a little over whelming but good, I really think its the cloudy rainy weather that is getting me down.
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