2007 I see you

Oh dearest, how we have drifted apart, you know, its funny how we let others influence our energy and spirit so much to the point that we stop being ourselves and we become this thing walking around that we most definitely do not want to be...I think thats why I stopped writing, it was not me writing about my everyday life, it was the things influencing me that were writing and that is not fair to my intellect, more importantly my soul and the few out there that read this.
I did want to take a few minutes of quite time that I have right now to write about the year that is leaving. 2006 was like one of those teachers in high school that you fear and feel intimidated by. They put you on the spot and they grade you really hard but at the end of the year you realize just how much they taught you and how they helped you become a better student and you realize that everything they do is not for their own pleasure but they are doing it for you. That was 2006 easily summarized. for me.
Over the past two weeks I had the opportunity to read To Kill a Mockingbird,Which is just a great awesome book, there is so much there than just words, highly recommend it. I had never read this book before, but once again things happen for a reason, and I read this book at just the right time. It was a good reflection on who I am and how I view myself (Scout and I could very well be the same person.) Growing up, especially the teen age years, it is hard to find an image of yourself, its hard to view yourself because...well its simply the time when "you are trying to find yourself"
Although, I have always had a pretty clear view of who I am, thankfully, I have never seen myself in a clearer most definite way and...I always say this, as I smile to myself, it is a wonder, discovering yourself as a human being, as a soul, it is simply amazing. I will never stop seeing myself as a child, I think like one and act like one and yet, I have so much maturity in me, and this in the humblest of ways (if that is even a word). Being almost 20 there are so many things that you slowly wake up to, situations that you have never been put in and yet its the little things that bring me the most satisfaction. For example, I now have a say in the Christmas dinner menu or the New years menu, and I cook and I arrange the house and these little responsabilites are the things that I look forward to every year, it is what brings my family closer and closer and I am so blessed to say that I have enjoyed the holidays this year with such.....i don't even know what the word is. It is simply greatness.
You know, I was once told, the world you live in Ana, is not real, you have to cut the ombilical chord, come down to Earth, and for the longest time these words hurt me so, because, I believed to be doing something wrong, I believed there was something wrong with me and I struggled with it for a while, but, now I see that I need not do such thing, this family is the glue that hold it all together and as much as we fight and yell and whatever, we love and cherish each other to death, I am closer to my dad, my mom and I are finding so many similarities btwn each other, and my sister is like my other half, and the best part is that I have great people surrounding me to show me that this is it. That I am doing nothing wrong, but still...thank you for the lesson.
I guess in the end, it is always about maintaining the soul fed and happy, if there is no soul, then there is nothing, and people you may attempt to go on without understanding this, but I promise you, you will find such happiness and comfort if you take a look inside...that is what I have learned.
2007 somehow looks promising and exciting, something about it just looks damn right...awesome.

hey now

I met you at the club that night
around was spinning records
and my heart said
hey now
hey now
hey now
hey now
yaaaow

you said you were pleased to meet me
through the sweet smell of your perfume
blew me
away now
away now
away now
away now
yaaaow

later on that week we went out,
talked under the stars until the next
day now
day now
day now
day now
yaaaow

you drank your fruitopia
and we never ran out of things to
say now
say now
say now
say now
yaaow

any minute im not with you
i hope ill see you soon
theres just something that happens
when you walk into the room

and instantly i feel so complete
it hits me right about the time you kiss my cheek
and you give me this feeling
its like no other feeling
but it knocks me off my feet

please dont ask me what i like about you
cause its every little thing you do

ummm yeah...

Breathing time

So I haven't written in fooorever which is really sad because it means that I am not even making time for myself these days. Everything is going and happening so quickly though, that I feel, there is not enough time to sit and collect my thoughts. It sort of feels like if I do, I will lose pace and rhythm and stop working and that is the last thing that I want to have happen to me right now. I however, thought it would be wise to take a deep loooong breath before releasing it and working my butt of for the next 5 days.
I feel wiser, I feel like I am learning how to deal with life and not suffer the consequences, it is a great thing to find inner strenght and power for creativity. And...it's funny how much one can learn in 4 little months, something that seems like it would take a lifetime yet, I am over coming my fears and it is such a great feeling of satisfaction, when you strive to achieve a certain goal and you reach it and it isn't pride that comes after, simply, good understanding of yourself.
The other day at one of my classes, my professor talked to us about the big scheme of things and life. Our planet is about 4.5 billion years old and from that time...human evollution has only been present for 150,000 years...that is mind-blowing. We are such a small part of something soooo big yet, think of all that we know, of all that we think and create and of all the ways we have improved our lives on this planet. We are product of something so grand and so big that even our greatest accomplishments, as great as they seem, make up a very tiny part of it all.
Situations like that, or thoughts like that really put things into perspective. Like, I have this new great and wonderful understanding of the energy I create and how I radiate it and where i spend my energy. And so, well, actually I have always known this...complicated is not fun, people bring upon themselves such martyrdom and we are all victims of this, but there is a better way to live and those who understand that...are just glorious beings.
Compassion is a hard thing to learn I think. Being able to gain a sense of compassion for others and for yourself, or the work that you do. But what it all comes down to...you are granted 100 years on this planet that has been alive for 4.5 billion change, and it may change and do whatever it wants, but it will still be there, we however, are only here for so long and so...why not create pleasant memories, why not create positive energy and kharma, why limit our flow of good energy?
It doesn't make sense does it???
my drawing professor, whom I love to death, like some girls and I say...we would take a bullet for him...he is such a wise man and today he said, mistakes are everywhere, nobody, not even the greatest artists went without making mistakes, be aware of this, you have to be serious about the work you do but in a relaxed state of being, enjoy it, laugh along the way and learn.
I think being too hard on ourselves limits us and creates fears and this too limits our flow of energy.
I can't believe that it has been like...3 weeks since I last wrote, but breaks, are good, I think this blog needed a break, there are more intersting thoughts coming along the way and I realize that writing is no longer a thing, it is simply within me. You know...people influence the way we write, like...I hope I never change the way I write or at least remember it instead of getting side tracked....whoah...so much on my my little head right now, I could go on and on and on but I will just comment on the important stuff
Parents: great good and happy with a fake christmas tree in our living room. we think it's funny, fake trees are foreign to us but it looks great, the theme this year is department stores...Macy's.
Sister: greatest sister ever, she is finding herself and her priorities in life (work, beliefs, people) and she is someone I can just have hold my hand and she paints my world in a pretty picture.
Friends: really need to get in touch with Mexico friends and Syracuse ones, I have drowned myself in other things and people and I miss these amazing lovable friends, but I know they are there and they know I am here. I love these bizarre friendships but the greatest feeling is being able to come back and even though we all have completely different lives and sometimes forget about the past...we can come back to each other and feel like we have never left mexico in 8th grade or high school in little fayetteville-manlius new york.
School: Although haha...I question sometimes what in the world it is that I am doing there and where I will end up...I love creating, I love having the responsibility to put something together. I hate calling art, its creativeness that drives me to keep going and I love improving.
Work: I FREAKING LOVE MY JOB...there no more needed to explain.
the boy: he is silly goofy and very dramatic but he makes me laugh and smile and relax and we have fun together and we listen to each other and so far so good.
ann arbor: such a great place to be, it embraces me and i adore it.
memories: keep on getting better :)
flow of energy: positive...disturbed once in a while but the important thing is to keep it flowing and not getting mad at yourself because it was disturbed, finding your way back is what matters :)

all the rest does not matter.
this is a long freaking entry.

And So

With 14 flowers
and 14 kisses
on the 14 of november
he swept me off my feet.
It is such a wonder...how this life works, how it makes things happen and how it brings new things without us expecting them...when we least realize it, our life has changed forever.
It's as if life waits for the moment to catch us off guard to surprise us with something great and that is exactly what has happened to me.
When I saw very little light, I turned and at the corner, there it was, very patiently waiting for me and its good, its peaceful giving light.
there is so much that I wish I could say, there is so much that I know people don't understand but there are times when it becomes impossible to sacrifice ourselves for others and I am happy. I am oh so happy. I have so much hope and I feel utter bliss because this boy brings light into my life. He sees in me, what I thought I had lost and things I had forgotten to see and there is something unconditional about th way he treats me, about the way he listens, about the way he smiles, about the way he talks and people tell me I look happier when I am with him. I feel happier.
I don't believe yet that I deserve all this. It all seems very new to me and like it isn't for me, almost as if destiny was confused and gave me something that infact belongs to someone else but I have hope that it isn't so and that in fact I will learn to see that I do deserve what life has put infront of me.

All I want to do is smile. c'est tout.

:)...thats me smiling 24/7.

Coffee and thoughts

For some reason I am starting to drink coffee more and more and I don't like coffee but perhaps now that is simply an act of denial. It lightens my heart though, especially mid afternoon around six, after dinner. It makes me smile.
And I feel so like...healthy recently. Besides the fact that I have this cough that will not go away and that I have no idea where it came from. I feel happy and joyous. Its so great to find peace. Its so great to find love for something, to have gratitude for things and people in our lives and to bless the days we are granted along with what they bring.
I am back in my oh so amazing ana working mode and I love it. I am truly one of those persons that finds joy in doing things, doing homework, making things, being productive. I love it and indulge in it. I think more of us need to learn that, it is soooo much better when we learn to stop complaining about all we have to do and we actually do it and enjoy doing it. It took me a while to learn that, and I am sure I will encounter maaany situations where I will not be happy with what I am doing, but I want to strive to have it be otherwise.
I had dinner at potbellys today and for the first time ever I actually finished my sandwich. I was really hungry apparently, it was delish.
I saw this huge yellow leaf, which I lie not, was the size of my head, made me wish I had a small camera so I could carry it around everyday and have it for random exciting moments such as the big leaf.
I haven't done my yoga in like...4 days and its making me sad, I really need to do it tmw. maybe a little tonite.
there is something exciting and scary and fun and great and aaahhh on the way...very soon I believe...you will all find out :)

Dear Ana

On behalf of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Washtenaw County, we are happy to inform you of your acceptance as a Big in our School Based Program. We hope you will find your experience richly rewarding. The agency is deeply appreciative of the time you have already invested in the program and promises to offer you support and assistance throughout your involvement.

:) I cannot wait to make this experience so rewarding for a little one. It is funny how the world works, it is funny how God works.
Yay!

these are the days

I absolutely adore days when I can talk to a million people and a million people talk to me and we can talk about anything. It goes to show how as humans we are so great and complex and great thinkers and just amazing. You know, growing up there is always that sense of, who am i? are the words that I am saying really my words? and it seems like we spend a lot of time (I spent a lot of time) thinking about the things I was going to say, instead of saying them, or thinking about the way i wanted to portray myself instead of portraying myself.
I feel like there are days that even though may be challenging and may test my patience are full of rewarding little incidents and somehow, I am beginning to notice those incidents. Its like my attention is shifting away from my self, my inner self, thoughts and questions, to noticing what surrounds me and giving back to the things that bring optimism and positive vibes to my life.
This is not to sound egotistical at all, in fact its otherwise, but as humans, we dont realize that we can make a difference in someone else's life. One person alone, can make the difference. It is so evident that there is that one person who genuinly just needs a little help through their day, or with a project. There is that one person who genuinly needs to talk about their life and pressures and worries. And just listening, just smiling, just saying its ok, can make the difference.
Today at my lecture series, a priest came to talk to us and it was the weirdest thing because, we usually have well known artists come who probably dont believe in religion or a spiritual life themselves. I feel like the higher being has been talking to me lately, telling me, look ana, its clearer than water, I am here for you, do not leave my side.
I have this need to live such a spiritual life that comes from within me and radiates out and he is telling me, do it through me, let me be your light.
That light is always there, in never disappoints and if it delays, wait for it, it will come- this was God talking to me through the man that spent an hour and a half sharing his wisdom with people who unfortunately are too foolish to realize that love and compassion and kindness is the only way to happiness.
Quick thoughts:
The sun came to visit Ann Arbor today and it was lovely, it doesn't get any better than sunny fall.
I can't stop eating...its crazy, my stomach has no limit, I can keep on eating forever and ever.
I am happy that I am planning out all that I have to do and I will get it done
My throat hurts like hell
ugh...some people are a bore
I love my sister
My pretty flower died, kind of sad about that.
I'm still obsessed with John Mayer.
I wore a really pretty shirt today.
It's 11.11, make a wish everyone.

Ok...emm

I love my life, I love the things going in my life right now. all of it, its like God is looking out for me, no matter what happens, he really is and I am so blessed and so thankful because of that.
I however cannot cannot accept lies
I cannot accept rude people
and as hard as I try to tell myself that it is not important I cannot accept people who do not respect limits.
Do unto others, what you want done on to you. Accept the things that are going on in your life as your own succes or your own failure...that is all there is to it.
Anyway....unto better things...
Art and I are truly finding a common ground, it is like we are genuinely becoming lifelong friends and holding each other by the hand, saying, I will be there for you no matter what.
I'm still pissed
happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts....
perhaps a good night would be best.

sooo

Ana you look so serious, what is the matter?
It's just that im busy and I don't like feeling pressured or stress...must be the alignment of the planets or something.

After losing myself blissfully in what seems like something that could take up ALL my time...its back to me and work and studying and getting it together, because that is what I like to do, and I will not complain, I will simply say that...oh my I need to remember to breath because in the end...everything will get done. Breath it in...breath it out.

oh my

...I think my knees are still shaking...
(you can't tell but I'm smiling and I try to hide it but it isn't really working)
oh my my.

"Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me."

what you gonna do about it?

tmw will be productive as in...academically productive.

tooo dooo dooo doo

I waaaant tooo haaaave a daaance party tooonite!!!
:)
toooo doo dooo do tooo do do do.

oh snowflakes, it smells llike winter

I'm ready to write.
Hello november, welcome to my life. There is something about you, I feel like you are welcoming me with open arms so I will do the same for you. THere used to be something about you, for some reason, I couldn't get myself to like november but today, you seem different, like we are ready to meet each other. You have entered with a snow storm and although I was literally "breaded" in snow, it wasn't too bad. There is something bittersweet about the cold and about snowfalls. I almost delight in it even though the cold wind feels like needles on my face. I specially enjoy walks at night, I may be freezing, but there is something about it, it is so hard to explain, it is just safe, it means christmas is coming, it means I don't have to have a reason to hug people if I feel like it, it means being emotional is ok, You winter serve very much as a metaphor.
I wish I carried a notebook with me so I could write down little notes to remind me of all I saw in a day and all that I want to write. This blog would be a heck of a lot more interesting.
Today in drawing class, something clicked, art clicked, a calm soothing feeling clicked. whatever it was, it just brightened my oh so very loooooong day. My self-portrait is looking awesome by the way.
One of my very good friends told me a story and it made me realize that the dreams, the ideals and the beliefs that I have are not really thaaat out there or crazy. Sometimes I feel like I live in this fantasy world away from reality, not so much because I think that I am crazy but becauswe there have been people that have judged and have brought me down and decided to tell me that I need to come back to reality, yet...I am not the one wondering what to do with my life or who I am, I very well know and this story just made me smile.
Apparently, her friends parents are from Italy and they met one day on the Street, back in Italy. They never exchanged numbers or made anything of it and they seperatley decided to go to Yale. One day the man (dad) dropped something and went to pick it up and when he stood up there was this woman standing infront of him and they stared at each other and recognized each other from the day they had met and fell in love and have been married ever since (years and years.)
And then, the guy (my friends friend with the parents with the cool story) wrote her the most beautiful letter I have ever read in my life. It is the kind of letter you wish to have written about you because it talks about all the qualities that you don't see in yourself that this other person sees and its marveled by. I always wished that someone would write something like that about me, that I could inspire someone in that way, and I am not writing out of jealousy, it may sound like that, but I'm really not, I was touched and truly honestly geniunly believe that my friend deserves this in her life, she deserves that letter and she deserves this boy in her life. These are the types of things that matter in life at the end of the day. Not the gifts, the presents, not woohing someone off their feet, the simple things, being able to put in words how much someone matters to you, as simple as that, makes life worth living.
I spent an hour at a bookstore today, it was blissful me time. I bought a book about yoga because I believe that it is time I start reading about it, learning about it and its philosphy and I am so excited about it. :) It is truly something I want to commit to and dedicate to. I am one of those persons who will do something for a while and then kind of stop doing it...and let it go and never come back to it. I don't want to do that with yoga, it is too good to me.
I bought the new (kinda new) John Mayer cd, i really really like it, it is like...exactly how i feel and ever since tuesday night I feel like an older person, Like i grew up, once again...life clicked and John Mayer writes good songs about that.
"Pain throws your heart to the ground, love throws the whole thing around." So true.

Lastly, I've written about this a million times but hypocrisy and cynisism really bother me. These things really get to me and I don't understand why people behave in this way, honestly, do you not see that there are better things to do with your life? a better way to live your life? People...just don't, try to learn not to behave in this way, you ruin it for yourself and for other people.

On a lighter note...I am loving the art school and I am so afraid that this feeling will go away, I don't want it to go away, please feeling don't go away :)

oh and...its snowing like a mofo...

good day good song

No I'm not the man I used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where I started
So I can watch you back all over again

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Who do you love?
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever gets you through through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you

patience

i feel like crying, like i am being held back and can't do anything about it, and i could keep on pushing, i could keep on trying to let loose, but it wouldn't do much because there is no one standing there to catch me.
meaningless. meaningless. meaningless.
It is starting to become a bore.

another grapefruitless morning

Oh when will the grapefruits be back!!! I can only wonder and hope that tmw morning when I go downstairs for breakfast I will see delicious grapefruit
Today is such a bahhh day, I don't know why recently I haven't felt the need to write, I can't seem to gather thoughts in my head that are actually interesting or worthy or writing.
Perhaps you and I blog need a break from each other. It's not you, it's me.

I no longer have love handles

I really honestly kind of miss them, it may sound really weird, but i never meant for them to disappear. Its kind of like...i lost a part of me because my love handles used to be such a part of me like ana used to = love handles. And the worst part is...i never noticed when they left me, they just kind of did. its funny how those things happen, how our bodies change with time and we dont really notice, but they do.
I haven't written in forever and there truly is sooo much that i would like to write about but its all a mess in my head, that...well it wouldn't make sense. I think what it all comes down to however, is that, life will hand you lemons and you decide what you make with them, in this case I am making lemonade. And, you know, we believe that life is some complicated scheme that is way too hard to figure out and...its really not. You just have to have a clear understanding of the things you want and the things you believe in and...life/destiny will guide you.
A lot of times we don't see the result of our actions as fast as we wish we could, and so we grow frustrated, we grow impatient and we may even stop believing, but, life has this funny way of rewarding us when we least expect it, when we stop asking for things, they just come to us. We do deserve certain things in life, its knowing how to wait for them that matters.
Even though this was suuuch a hard week to get through in some matters, it was rewarding, it was a motivating week, it was one of those weeks that if I looked back upon it months from now, I would probably cry.
I have these gorgeous flowers, that i very unexpectedly received from a very unexpected person ;) and they are gorgeous and they mean a lot to me, so thank you unexpected person. There will always be love from me to you and more than anything being able to talk to you, meant the world to me, because...you know why, it just did.
Art...yeah...theres just something about it (im nodding my head)...it makes me smile.
music too, dancing and singing makes me smile, even though i cant sing but i can definitely dance.
I just feel like giving everybody I see a big hug and telling them to smile because all good things come to us, they really do, and its a great feeling. It's delightful.

happy as a peach

Even though I only got four hours of sleep...today was a great awesome day, it was almost surreal like...do I really deserve such a good day, because its not that I dont deserve things, but I usually dont get sooooo many great things in one day and it made me happy, like...faith is important. It guides us, no matter how tense or stressful life can get, it simply guides us and I strongly believe in giving, simply giving even if I dont get credit or anything in return, giving just feeds my soul.
I love knowing that I am capable to do things, just whatever it is, if I put my mind to it, it works, it just works and I am being so much better about not stressing, about letting things work how they want to, honestly...we have no control over life or where it takes us.
I heart yoga with...all my heart, haha. I really do though, its sooo great, its so ahhh, wonderful.
Mmmmmonday, thank you for being so good to me.

hoooolaaa

Soo...this is the first stressful weekend I have had since the beginning of the semester and I believe it is worthy of noting because well...I have to start complaining some time right??? It's actually not that bad because I enjoy all the work that I do but, its just too much at once! I think we are bad planners, we always manage to pile a huge amount of work at the same time and assume that we can get it all done when really...its too much! Im getting there though. This test I have tomorrow is stressing me out, kind of, because, I have no idea what it is going to be on.
I have pictures, not right now because I still have to download them unto my computer but, soon, I will beautify this blog with pretty pictures.
There is too much in my mind and in my heart and in my soul, I wish I could just brush it all off but, its one of those things that...you know when ppl tell you, don't think of pink elephants, what do you think of? PINK ELEPHANTS!
and so...I guess its not even worth mentioning anymore, because well...it can get me in trouble and I don't have time or the mind frame for trouble anymore....it kind of feels like opression doesnt it Ana? (this is me thinking outloud) And so, what do wise people do when they can't yell at the world when they are hurting...they practice yoga! :)
anyway, I want to let the world know how much I love my parents and admire their desire to live like there is no tomorrow. I discover everyday that they were meant for each other, no matter how much they fight and the bad memories we may have of the past, they are too good together to be apart.
I am oh so excited for tonight! It's my very first bridal shower (of my actual friends, not my mom's) and yay! its good to be pink, its good to be a girl, it gives us the privilidge to celebrate life in great great fun ways. And its kind of exciting, its like...one of the good things about growing up and be part of, its hard to exlpain but it makes me smile.

"Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew me at all."

we only get what we give

Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we got you down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri - enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes - Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile
Were flat broke but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial

This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way
I'm right behind
Now say youre mine

I am freeeeakkinnnng oooout!!!

Screaming at the top of my lungs jumping up and down and swinging my arms all over!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALEJANDRO SANZ JUST RELEASED A NEW SINGLE AND....ITS A SIIIIGN, ITS SOOO MY SOOOONG AND I LOOOOOOVE IT.
I dont just love the song, I love him for making such great music, music that just speaks to me. MMMMM cannot possibly describe how happy I am right now!! He just makes everything better, no matter what it is, he just makes it better.
My goal is to make it to a concert of his in the very very VERY near future.
He is the love of my life!
and just because I am nice
here, enjoy!
http://www.alaprimerapersona.com/

YAAAAAAYYYYYYYY

the happiness in our lives

is the result of caring for ourselves and caring for others. The unhappiness in our lives is the result of only caring for ourselves.
this holds so true and its so sad when people cant see it, or understand it, or even worse, they dont even attempt to analyze their behavior and see just why they are so unhappy.
If there is one thing that bothers me, and I had not noticed before is...selfishness. there is something about selfish people that really gets to me. how can it be that there are people that only care for themselves and cant stop to think about the people in their lives, even more so, they only notice the people in their lives when they are feeling in need of help or support and once they get it, they walk away.
people, dont be selfish, learn to share the love, be giving, in an unconditional way, be giving, it will make you happy.

im thinking thinking that i need to hold back, stay right where i am.

the things im starting to love

Its not so much that I am starting to love, perhaps I always liked these things. I just never paid much attention to them and now I am. You know its funny how, there are different levels at which we can like things. Im not really sure that makes sense, but I don't want to be one of those people that lives stuck in the past. I know too well that life doesn't work that way. The world doesn't stop for us to come back to the past. I like noticing the "new things." And, it doesn't mean I am changing or replacing the past, I am simply growing. There is nothing better than realizing just how it is we grow, just how we let others into our lives and just how we can make a difference in someone's life.
I don't know why recently I've been having such a hard time explaining myself, or getting people to understand what I am saying. I used to be much better at explaining myself, don't know what happened. Must have something to do with the loosing everything and being so forgetful.
Do you ever have those days where you just smile at yourself and think to yourself, damn, i am nearly perfect? Its not to sound arrogant at all, really, its everything but arrogance, its confidence, its being at one with yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. Its not letting the damn fears get in the way. I am working on those fears. There of course, is no perfect, I've established that many times.
Oh how blessed I am to know that no matter how gloomy the day can get, I am looked after, I am lucky enough to always have your presence here with me. :)
It's so funny how simple things can bring such joy to our souls. at least to me, and I am sort of beginning to see the light after such a long time of "hardships" which seem oh so silly now. But, simply looking out the window makes me smile. Eating grapefruit makes me smile. A line from a song makes me smile. Feeding squirrels and eating chocolate (not at the same time) makes me smile.
Im hoping for a good week. Im hoping that I can get done everything that I need to get done and do it right because oh boy, do I have stuff to do!
I kind of wish I had a picture for y'all but...I don't. next time.

I'm playing with my toes

plain, plain, easy to get.
get it?

first snow of the year

Ay ay ay, how exciting!!! I know it is terrible that its mid-October and it shouldn't be this cold, but there is something about that first snow...it just never gets old. It always feels like I am nine years old again, waiting for winter becaue I was going to see a snowfall for the very first time. And so I walked home...in the middle of the snow blizzard and loved every minute of it. There is something...magical, for lack of a better word, about the first snow of the year.

I started my self-portrait in drawing studio today....it made me realize that yes I am incredibly gorgeous but I am going to have wrinkles at 30! not old lady looking like wrinkles, you know...cute endering wrinkles but they're still wrinkles...baaah.

teal is pretty

the title has nothing to do with what Im about to write, but teal IS pretty.
Anyway...I think history is such an important part of our education and people need to take the time to study history in depth. Honestly, honestly, those who ignore the past absolutely cannot understand the present and much less...the future. And! the worst part is that people dare to talk about history when they know nooothing nooothing about it and try to apply to our present. Like, seriously people...just dont, if you dont have anything to back up your argument with, keep your mouth shut. It is frustrating to see how, Im really sorry, but, ignorant people live in this world and dare to speak their points of view with no valid "sources" for what they are saying, andd...you make yourself look bad.

Pheww...ok...calming down...
Eleven is most positively my favorite number now a days...remember how I wrote about it a couple months ago...it's still happening, its a sign.
Yellow is beautiful.

random thoughts

I don't like water. It should be one of those things that I should be thankful for, but, it takes me such a long time to get used to just drinking water. I have to keep telling myself...its good for you and you'll have gorgeous skin.

The meanest people are sometimes those that complain about mean people.

Memories are good, they never leave us, they are like eternal unconditional friends.

I totally skipped class today, but, im feeling ok about it.

...if i were to describe this tuesday in one word, it would be...confusing.

I love the word linger, it has got to be one of the greatest words ever.

i have faith in that I won't break any plates at work tonite.

reflecting

Im just going to write about today because it was good, it's one of those days you want to have happen over and over, its one of those days that serves as reprieve. It was gorgeous outside, with beautiful weather and beautiful sun. I was outside the entire afternoon laying out in the sun and doing homework. It was so incredibly enjoyable and relaxing. Nature is a good thing, enjoying nature is something we should all do at least one day a week.
Then, I got free conditioner out in the street, this group of people just gave it to me, they were doing some kind of activity and it was really funny and they took my picture. So I guess now I will have to start using conditioner, I will let you know if its good or not.
There is a ton of leaves on the grass in the diag now because well...fall is here and so these parents were playing with their little kid, who must have been three years old. They were tossing the leaves up in the air and burying him with the leaves and they were having so much fun, it made me wish that was me. Thats what I want my sundays to be like in 15 years when I'm married and have little kids.
Change is scary, it is good, but sometimes it feels too fast and it becomes frightening. Like, there is no one there to carry me through the threshold and let me know that I will be ok, that it will be better at the other side of the bridge. It's intimidating though, at it kind of feels like I would be leaving a big part of me behind, a part of me that I am still very attached to. It feels nostalgic, but it may just be right, maybe it is really time to move on, if nothing can be done to start over, then there is no need to force things, it may just be time to move on.
I've come to the conclusion that this is the year of losing things. I'm still standing.

I have oceans of hope

I hope that today was a super lovely memorable day for everybody. I hope it was a happy day for everbody.

tequila

I could go for some tequila right about now
and tomorrow too.

good day for a good song

Siguiendo la luna no llegare lejos,
tan lejos como se pueda llegar
las cosas que dije no tienen sentido
no puedo detenerme, ponerme a pensar, oh

siguiendo La Luna y su vuelta invisible
la noche seguro que me alcanzara
no es que tu mirada me sea imposible
tan solo es la forma como caminas.

Vamos mi cariño que todo esta bien
esta noche cambiare, te juro que cambiare
vamos mi cariño ya no llores mas
por vos yo bajaría el sol o me hundiría en el mar.
Y esto parece verdad para mi.

Suena como un crimen lo que tu me has hecho
deberias ir a parar a la prisión
suena como un crimen que me hayas mentido
que hayas engañado a este corazón oh

Siguiendo La Luna no llegare lejos,
tan lejos como se pueda llegar
son casi las cuatro de la madrugada
mi casa brillaba, cruzando ese mar.

Vamos mi cariño que todo esta bien
esta noche cambiare, te juro que cambiare
vamos mi cariño ya no llores mas
por vos yo bajaría el sol o me hundiría en el mar.
Esto parece verdad para mi...

Siguiendo la luna- Los Fabulosos Cadillacs
(the bestest part about this song is the name of the band, yes i did say bestest)

the things I learned today

People say that we never stop learning, we learn something new everyday. I think we all take learning for granted. It doesnt necessarily require a big textbook, research paper, or a huge effort from our part, there are simple things that still matter and we should consider.
Babies when they are first born recognize solid colors and patterns better than anything else. Although pastel colors are lovely it is better to have solid colors such as black white and red in their rooms because it stimulates them visually.
If you have a 067 on your license as your part of your license number, one of your names is either Ann or Ana.
You could be sitting next to someone and not know it, but in fact, you have both lived in the same city in a foreign country and remember places like, Xochimilco, Naucalpan and Atzcapotzalco. Its great! :)
People you rarely talk to, or ppl who know you very well are wishing the best outcome of things for you. (does that make sense? it does in my head)
Sit-down dinners will probably become the most memorable times of your time in college if you live in Martha Cook and sit at my table.
And finally, rainy days and thunder don't have to be scary, they can be pretty excellent days.

tic tac tic tac

I don't know what to write about today
I can complain about how much I don't want to go to classes tomorrow.
I want a big hug and a yummy dinner.

hello October

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you say,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
-til kingdom come (coldplay)

sunny sundays

I just came back from hanging out with the jam prof. aka tom the man that sits out at the diag everyday and plays his harmonica spoons and wash board. He is sooo fun to talk to! I love making projects were I reach out to somebody and get to know about them, it really puts purspose behind the work I do. I feel like I care more about my projects this way because I owe it to the person who gave up an hour of their time to share a little about them with me! Plus its always fun to meet unique interesting people.
I have these pretty flowers in my room that came to me for no reason haha, they are lovely. I have them on my desk in a nalgene bottle and they are gorgeous...I don't know what they are called and the batteries for my camera died so I can't take a picture but they are oh so pretty!
Though you all might enjoy looking at Mr. Raccoon. He makes me laugh.

what a fun night

I haven't laughed so hard in about...3 days! ha! tonite was so fun though, I love people who just like to have a good time.
I admire talented people who can dance and create emotions with simple gestures and movement. They don't have to speak or look at you, simply looking at their hands, their arms, their feet, the way they move, you understand so much. Dance is such a beautiful art.
So is laughing, being able to laugh and being able to make people laugh...without trying too hard, its an art in itself (period) .

I have managed to escape the surrounding disease of the terrible head cold, seriously everybody around me has been sick or is sick, and I felt so lucky that the sickness had decided to skip me...not so much anymore...terrible soar throat...IT HURTS!

something like...

the deepest thoughts always come to us in silence.
what does this mean?
It means that when we are alone, at one with ourselves, in complete and utter silences, the thoughts that come to our minds, are the things that really matter to us, the things we really want, the things that really hurt, the things that we really care for and so on.
I love this quote, its by a poet...shall have to post her name later, I don't have it with me right now.

Michigan immigrant

So today in the Diag at the University of Michigan a group of republican conservatives decided to protest against illegal immigrants in the U.S. They played a game called catch the illegal immigrant. Which is a reenactment of an immigrant crossing the border and having police beat him down and chase him returning him to Mexican Land.
I have a problem with this. I believe its the year 2006 and that people are so beyond common sense, or comprehension, that they find stupidity as...enlightenment.
How can you tell me that beating someone up just because they are trying to gain a better life is a good thing? What makes a person better than the next?
If anything I think is the motivation to strive. Not the need to feel superior, just because you are blessed to be born in "the land of opportunities."
There are soooo many things that people could concentrate on bettering, like the fact that we waste too much energy, that we should concentrate on being at one with the world and with each other. Instead people choose to be angry, but they don't even know why they are angry, they don't even know why they feel they are entitled to bring other people down and supress them.
I am extremely disappointed at all the people who support this movement. You are wasting your energy and giving yourself such a bad image, when in fact you should be dealing with your own personal problems because most likely than not...you have many of them. If not you would be trying to make the world a happy place, not hostile.
I do believe that there are rules and laws to be followed. These rules however DO NOT give people the right to hurt or damage a person, especially when they have committed no crime and are not harming anyone. There are ways to deal with issues without having to resolve to violence and it is painful and disgusting that the best solution to arguments, are fights and sometimes unfortunate casualties. It is on your shoulders, all of you who choose to participate in violence, because of you this world is what it is, full of crime and corruption...and I do believe that conservative people are against crime and corruption...so why are you perpetuating it?
I greatly applaud the Latino community and all the people that were able to make it to the diag. and peacefully protest this horrific scene. (latino kids chose to wear yellow shirts that say michigan immigrant on it, and thats all they did)
I believe this is the best way to deal with such situations and it is my hope that history and kindness teaches people that violence and superiority leads to nothing but pain.

Its a gorgeous day

I could sit and stare out my window all day long at the beautiful sun and the way it hits on the building across the street, makes it seem like an enchanted beautiful little place. I have been outside, however, and its a happy day. It's one of those days when you think, I'm damn happy to be alive! and you just want to talk to everybody and smile and be peachy and ay ay ay! the world should have more of these days.
I love my drawing class so so so much. My professor officially named the duck I drew Clarice...but I wanted to name it Haywood, so we left it at Clarice Haywood.
Time can be our best friend sometimes. Time and life...well the things we do in life. I think my biggest flaw is that I try to control things when I know they can't and don't want to be controlled. I don't notice it though, I don't notice that I want to control things, I just sort of do it. It saves me the trouble of having to worry about things at the last minute, but I'm starting to see, that somethings just like to work themselves out.
Ohh, how I love thinking and analyzing thoughts, I could do it all day.

does it ever happen to you?

You find yourself at a crossroad and you know where you are supposed to go, there is no question about it, your heart, your soul and your mind tell you to follow that road, but there are too many barriers, too many people in the way and too many self-doubts, that you just stand there or even worse, you turn the wrong way. I don't want to be the one to do that, I don't want to be the one to walk away. I was once told that my entire life was going to be a struggle to fight for the things that I wanted. That it was going to be hard, but that my life had a purpose, so I should fight for the things I really want.
Here is how I see it, I am not verbal enough to defend myself, thats what people think. People say I let others walk all over me, the worst part is that the ones that tell me this, are the people walking all over me. I think this is how most people see the way I handle situations.
How sad life would be for me then, if I found the need to yell and bring people down, just the way they bring me down. My dad once told me, what is humble? what does it mean to be humble? I still don't know very well, but I have a certain understanding of what it is, and I try to be just that everyday. I don't see my silence as weakness, I see it as humbleness.
Being able to be compassionate for others, for the people who hurt us, for the selfish people, for the ones who believe they are the only victims or they are the only defenseless people, it's a virtue.
I am the observer, the listener. I am the one who understands everything you believe I dont understand.
While people spent their time being angry or victimizing themselves, I spend it forgiving and wishing them the very best. Just be sure that just because I dont say anything, does not mean that you havent done anything wrong, or that you havent harmed me in anyway. I am just too humble to think that I deserve the chance to scold you for any of it.
Perhaps it seems hypocritical to write about this in my blog, but I get sick and tired of those who believe I dont think things thru or that I am not hurt by the things they do, I am, but who am I to make you feel bad for it? I dont wish it upon you but If you are human enough, you would feel guilt. And today, is one of those days were I would like to let all of you know that, it is not weakness, it is not ego, it is not unawareness, its about being able to sit down and analyze and reanalyze situations, its about patience and compassion, its about forgiveness and humbleness.

Today in english class we got our first assignments back, and I got an A on mine! I got really amazing feedback from my professor and its such a great feeling. I enjoy writing, I enjoy the art of it, and committing to an idea, to a phrase, to a word. It is all so fun. Its something I have definitely become passionate about and it makes me smile!

You know those days, when you just feel soo pretty and so comfortable with yourself and the way you look...the way you are, today is one of those days :)

A J Muste

"There is no way to peace, peace is the way."

yes

It's a cold season for love and the heart is foolish.
I want a buddha board.

the art of making art

I've never believed in calling myself an artist. I think people who call themselves artists and have not practiced art for more than 40 years are purely egotistic. I am a student of art, I learn about art and then practice and practice until it becomes a little bit of second nature (it never really does.) Right or wrong, I am very doubtful of my skills. I know I am talented but I don't believe it sometimes. I always think, I still have so much to learn instead of wow I have less to learn because look at me, look what I can do!
When I work, I work for the satisfaction of learning along the way and of finishing. I work to better the way I draw. I work to create an emotion in a drawing and to be detailed. I work to perfect I guess its the way to put it and this way, I will work all my life because there is no perfect.
I went to the Natural history museum, We are drawing birds in my drawing studio and so I am drawing a duck. We usually go to the museum as a class but I decided I wanted to work ahead (Im utterly slow) and I went to the museum this morning. I was all by myself and I drew for about 2 hours. Little kids came by and watched me draw, people walked by and I could feel them looking but it didn't bother me. It was entertaining. I could watch their reflection on the window and its such a weird feeling, like people look at you because you are able to do something that they can't. This woman came up and she was with a bunch of kids, I'm assuming a field trip, and she started telling another woman how she thought I drew beautifully and she asked me if I was in art school and what technique I was using, because she had taken art classes in college. She told me to keep up the good work and walked away. All I could say was thank you in a very shy kind of way, because, well...thats what I do.
Ten minutes later she came back and said, you've inspired me, I'm going to take my drawings out and draw and happily walked away. And... I happily laughed and thought, well good! but your art is not just your art, your art is yours and whoever else sees it, it belongs to both of you and it impacts both of you.
A little later on this man came up to me and asked me if I was with an art class. I told him I was doing work for an art class but I wasnt with my class then. He said he kept seeing students drawing and wondered if they were from U of M. He told me he taught classes in the museum and also puts up displays for the museum. He then said, I just appreciate good art, very nice work. And I could not believe it. Like I was there to work, but, I got comments from people that were not grading me or critiquing me, they were admiring my work and so for a little while I actually believed that I am good, that I deserve to believe i'm good in a non-egotistic way.
I went to the art store to buy watercolors and watercolor paper, and I believe this place is pure good vibe. I hadn't seen a 1999 penny in a good six months, and today I found one, I didn't just find one, it was given to me, I was MEANT to recieve this penny and so I believe in what is next with full and utter faith, because I was also given a 1994 D penny. As unreal as it seems, its true, its very true.

it's beginning to get to me

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost.

Hey little darling

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
~david gray

uuummm

...I don't think it would matter today, I could stand on my head, dance and jump around, yell or sing and it all wouldn't matter today...

Hello Cuba!

My daddy's birthday was today!!! and so last night we went out to a cuban restaurant in downtown Detroit. We had all our family friends there plus my roomie Catherine and my sister's bf which I shall refer to as radish. It was soooo much fun. There was great food, great music, great laughs and fun and we all looked gorgeous ;).
After a great feast of paella, cakes and mojitos haha! we danced and although the dancing started very low key...people get crazy these days, lets just say it CANNOT be called dancing...its something else. Still we all enjoyed it. My favorite part was watching my parents dance together. It's like the years never pass them by and as the years go by they learn to appreciate each other more and more and love being around each other. I love my parents because they know how to have fun and they teach me how to have fun.
favorite phrase of the night: Stop making mojitos and dancing flamingo dammit!!! - me.


Most expensive flan I have ever had, but delicioso!

I love these girls...we're tight! hehe

Mr. and Mrs. Del Angel...they're in their late 20's....FELIZ CUMPLE PAPI!!! LOS ADORO! :)

It's flamenco not flamingo!!! She reminded me of my good old dancing days...someday I'll go back

Not only were our outfits matching....we ate the whole thing! yuuumm ( we are such roommies!)

Like....

there are sooo many things that I would like to write about today, I wish I could spend a whole day writing on my blog, but I kind of dont want to do that so Im gonna write about how I spent about four hours playing with photo shop today and I absolutely love it! Its like...whoah! I think I spent last semester afraid of my computer and how to use all the programs that I have but now I know where to find things and do things and it is soooo much fun! the feeling of...conquering...is such a great feeling. Its like knowing that yes absolutely like a wise man once told me...cant, is not an option.
I feel like Ive found inspiration again, it took me 6 long freaking hard months to find inspiration again and believe in my skills again and the best part is that Im having fun. Im having fun doing what I do and Im loving what I do. Its so weird how things just click one day, you can practice and practice, do and do, dread and dread, try and try and then one day...it just clicks, life just clicks. So here are a couple examples of my experiments today with photoshop.


Helloooooo Mr. Sun! your chubby cheeks make me happy. He just wanted to be black and white.

Well...what is different about this martini glass???

Oh she is so pretty in sepia!

This used to be all beige, now its blue and green.

This eye used to be green, I added blue tones to make it more exciting!

p.s. VIVA MEXICO AND OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! YAY!!!! PARTY!!!!! SO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE WHO GET TO EAT TAMALES AND POZOLE AND GO OUT AND BLOW UP CRAZY AMOUNTS OF FIRE WORKS AND PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!! I MISS MY MEXICO!!!!

right in front of my face

I'm the kind of person who is incredibly capable of tunning out of the world, and drown in my own thoughts. I can be surrounded by noise but if I' thinking, or working, I completely ignore it, it's like it's not there. We always hear of people who live in their own world and bubble...thats me! I only see the important things, the things I'm used to thinking about and rarely notice my surroundings. Today was just like every other day, me and my little head, I had had a lot of water and went on this tour of our media resources (Video, lighiting, audio, blah blah blah) and so all I could think about after that was how bad I had to go to the bathroom and so I went into the bathroom and turned around to a wall of the bathroom stall and froze after seeing the following phrase, "destiny awaits" although the a in awaits was faded out so I first read it as "destiny waits"
I forgot about my bubble, I forgot about my thoughts, I realized that I was no longer tuning out the rest of the world and there it was just for me, this little phrase. Either way of reading it...it means something great, and so I once again prove that yes indeed there are signs everywhere and they come to you when you least expect them and it is so satisfying to know that the world does work in a certain way. It is not just some chaotic crazy thing, it was a purpose, we have a purpose, I have a purpose and slowly but surely it is being laid out for me and I am following it, that I'm sure, I am following the path I'm suppose to follow. BIG YAY FOR THURSDAY.

contemplating the thought

I know what your worst fear is
and the worse part is that... it's true.

yup yup yup

I do believe that everything is a sign.

ahh... the joys of planning out life

The truth is, there is no way to plan out life. You can picture it and you can dream about it, but it will never work out that way. You cant choose the places where you are or where you'll be, you never know when you will start liking someone or when you'll stop liking someone and you can't yell at the world for not giving you what you THINK you need or you deserve. Life doesn't work that way. Life happily enough is a complicated thing and it takes and gives to make you wiser, to make you realize that the mind you possess is grand and much more greater and beautiful than anything in this world (nature is pretty wonderful too.) You are given A life that has already been planned for you, the people that come into your life are put there for a reason, the people that leave you, leave for a reason and letting that one life you were granted take you where it's supposed to is the only way to live. It is the root of what people need.

I just ate the most delicious cup cake ever. I should've stolen two instead of one from the kitchen.
One more thing, losing things cost you money. Not having the intention to leave keys, wallets, credit cards, ID's costs you money!!!! Does that make sense!???? It's like I'm being punished for something I never intended to have happen but hey...it all happens for a reason right? right!

apples apples

I've decided that I'm gonna try to have a picture or two go with at least one of my entries per week, I think it will be fun. This entire weekend has been about apples, all I can think about is apples in every form and the phrase "the apple of my eye" I think apples will be interesting only for this project and then...they'll get old, just like they were before. I'm only a fan of apple pie during fall because of apple season and of apple sauce.
How many times did I just write the word- apple- in that paragraph?
I like what I'm doing though, I so want to grow this year as an artist and more importantly grow in my drawing skills, I'm very passionate about drawing lately.
Here is a picture of my charcoal powder and a hint of the model for this project (a yellow greenish apple)
and here is also an eaten away apple ( I didn't actually eat it, I bit into it and threw out the apple bites)
but I liked this picture, it looks like an apple sculpture to me and makes me happy!

thinking of...

"how precious was the grace that appeared
the hour I started to believe."
This week I have learned so much about myself, I think somewhere we lose ourselves sometimes. We begin to depend on people and things and until those are taken away from us we realize how strong/how weak we really are. A year ago I think I was only happy when I found myself in other people or in other things. Now I think I am starting to find myself enjoying people and enjoying things. As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I see things in a new light, I think faith had grown cold and monotonous within me, unreal. I feel it through me again and it's so gratifying not only because it feels good but because I am no longer afraid of loosing it, I am starting to understand how not to lose it once again. These are the times when we need to sit down and reflect and be proud of ourselves because we are defining ourselves as an individual as a real bone and flesh person. Yesterday I was thinking how in the blink of an eye, I will be twenty and where those years went I begin to realize that I don't know! I mean I do know...I was here and there and did this and that, but they went by sooo fast! Yet they have been good building blocks and life right now wants me to let go of you, past, not forget you, but simply not be attached to you because there is more to come and I believe in that, the better. I look at myself and the mistakes, happened for a reason, and the good choices happened for a reason and the pain happened for a reason, but I still learn and I can still pick myself up and keep on smiling. So that is what I will learn to do, give you up past, you no longer want me and I no longer need you. And there is no better day than the day when you realize that sometimes giving it all up to life, to where it wants to take you, is the best way to go.

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings

change of plans

I was gonna write this letter to myself about how I should not let stress or fear get in the way of my learning and how I need to love myself and care for myself before I care for others. It was also going to be about thriving and not getting stuck but finding things were I can develop my skills and grow as a person.
Screw that though, it all goes through my head day and night and I think I'll be ok, I don't think I need to be reminded of that. I really really feel excited about my tues. thurs. classes and I'm hoping I feel the same about mon. wed. classes.
Somebody took my wallet! give it back! I hate you! because of you I couldn't sit down today to just rest, I was all over the place, trying to find it and the worst worst part is that my coca-cola key chain was in there! give it back!
... I wonder if it's bad karma, I really need to start yoga again.
I then went to get my hair cut, it was really fun and the lady kept on telling me how gorgeous my hair is and how happy she was to be able to cut it. She was really nice, it made me wish I were a hair stylist, like I could totally do it... maybe I will.
I feel like everybody in school looks so much older now. We are no longer the scared intimidated freshmen, it's like we all believe we belong there, yet there is soooo much to learn, and I don't feel older or wiser, if anything I think I want to stop myself from feeling all that.
I'm definitely finding myself, what I really want to do and that's a good feeling.
I had nothing to do this afternoon, I had to fill out this quiz and If everybody on Earth lived like me we would need 4.3 planets and my total footprint number on this number is 19, i dont know what that means but I like number 19
I'm eating a peach
and im gonna go get cookies and milk now and get fat yay!

tu peor error

Hace tiempo que comento con la almohada,
Que tal vez si para ti soy una carga,
Hace tiempo que ya no le creo nada
Y he notado tu sonrisa algo cansada.

Con los días se amontonan los momentos,
Que perdimos por tratar de ser sinceros,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.

Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.

He tocado con la punta de los dedos
Ese cielo que prometes con tus besos,
Como un niño me creí todos tus cuentos,
Y aunq tu me entiendas yo ya no te entiendo.

Solo quedan los recuerdos de ese invierno,
Que pasamos enterrando sentimientos,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.

Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.

No he sido yo, lo amargo de tu voz,
La mala entre nosotros dos,
Y no pasa nada, si apago la luz,
Y busco y no estas tú,
Si el tiempo no nos dijo adiós,
Y todo se acaba, yo.
-la quinta estacion

too much eye make up

Last night was my first outing of my sophmore year and it was fun! I was soo exhausted but it was definitely good to go out get some fresh air and dance a little. I got to see all the people that I met last year when I first moved in, they are all part of the latino community here at Michigan. I love being part of this community its so great that a whole year could go by without us seeing each other and still feel soooo damn happy to run into each other again! And of course, we have good music. I got to wear my very new funky shoes and they are absolutely the most comfotable high heels I have ever worn. I then came home and you know what I hate about make up??? It does not come off! you have to scrub at your face for it to come off and it still won't! I love being girly and putting on make up and looking pretty but I don't want to have dark circles around my eyes because the mascara wont come off! what to do what to do????
Well, don't worry if it doesn't come off entierely, the next day, you don't have to bother about eyeliner or mascara! and that way you sleep more (especially when the alarm clock doesn't go off and you wake up 5 min before you are supposed to be out the door) and you keep your eyelashes healthier!
I went to Findlay Ohio today. It is out in the nowhere, all farms and tiny little town but it was fun. We went to visit some friends that live there and they have 3 kids, one that is 9 years old, one is 4 and one is 8 months old. They are amazing kids, sooo smart, so outgoing and so mature for their age. Their family moves around alot and the 9 year old girl reminds me soo much of me when I was her age. I so wanted to tell her, in ten year my dear, you'll be soo mature and so smart, I think I admire you already. I got to put the 8 month old baby to sleep and although she scratched my neck and it looks like a cat attacked me, I thought she was precious, she let me put her to sleep and you always hear, women have maternal instincts since birth, I never actually believed it, especially me, but it made me think, I could do this, I want to do this, in the future having a baby will be the best thing that could ever happen to me.
I also went to a cave, well cavern, I've never been to one before and they talked about all the stuff I learned in earth science this summer so it was kind of interesting, but then again not really...still I've been there.
I still have to arrange my closet and dresser, ahh!!
It's all good though, I think it will be good this year.

It's starting to feel like fall

I finally made it to Ann Arbor, it's really good to be back, the second time around it doensn't feel like such a strange place. It feels welcoming. Yesterday was the never ending day! I got here and unpacked all my stuff, then my roommate and I went to buy a couch bc we have a room for our beds and a room for our tv, desks and such. It's really nice and cozy the way we've set up everything. It took us like four hours to put the couch together though, it was incredibly complicated but soo worth it! It's a fun couch. And! we can turn it into a bed if anyone comes to visit! So by the time we were done it was already 2 am and our room looked like a disaster but we decided to go to sleep instead. We heard a person yell you mother fucker blah blah blah! And we laughed for like 10 min. straight and somehow managed to stay awake until 5 am. It was a fun night though.
I am soooo tired now and I'm still not done unpacking. It also didn't help that we went to a friends house to watch the U of M football game (we won yay!...i dont really care) so I wasted half the day and I just want to sleep now, sleep sleep sleep.
College feels different, a little over whelming but good, I really think its the cloudy rainy weather that is getting me down.

My new favorite song is Express yourself by charles wright
my new favorite fruit are nectarines

the material

COACH AND NINEWEST CAN HAVE MY LIFE

I haven't talked about the new member of the family, its a brand new fully equipped red Jeep Compass and I love it! It is by far my favorite car that my family has ever had! I like to hug it whenever I get the chance.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

--Elizabeth Bishop

I smell really good

I surprisingly smell ridiculously good, like i get this lovely smell and i say to myself, what is thaat!?? and I realize its me, i thought I'd share that.
I was going to write about this yesterday but I realized I didn't, im really out of it though, I feel really weak today, I can hardly get out of bed and a fork has never weighed so much!
I literally have to ask my arms for permission to move, but I feel fine, I just wish I didn't have to be in bed, I can't just be in bed but I think that's why God is doing this to me, I always put others before me and I would rather take care of someone else than myself and I don't learn the lesson so this is the only way that God can get me to slow down and say relax, stop worrying about others and worry about yourself, now rest!
anyway, what I really wanted to write about was that yesterday I took a shower and got in bed and watched tv and there was nothing interesting I was getting bored and really wanted to get out of bed and do something and then suddenly at 1 pm i was flipping through the channels and there it was, my favorite movie ever starting on tv!!!! Serendipity!!! I really think it was a sign, its hardly ever played on tv and it made me sooooooooooooooooooo happy, I can't explain how happy it made me, like soooooooooooo happy haha! it really was a sign of you're gonna be ok ana!
I love that movie, I know every line by heart, i know what song is about to play and it never ever gets old, it gave me hope, it sounds silly i know but it did, not hope for one single specific thing, just hope :)

Dear year 2006:
You suck! you have been so mean to me and even though intuition told me you were gonna be hard on me from day one, I underestimated you! but you know what!??? I still win! soon you'll be gone and I will still be alive, move on and forget about you! plus 2007 will be much better to me! You, 2006, are not liked!

Beaumont

So...I spent two days in the hospital...yeah...
I suddenly found myself in the emergency room early morning on thursday with a fever, with a poked right arm and attached to I.V. and on a very uncomfortable bed and it took the entire day for doctors to figure out what I had.
First, it was my ovary, poor left ovary, but after useless exams and a very painful ultra sound, my ovaries are fine.
So then, the doctor insisted that I had early appendicitis, by the way that doctor graduated from U of M and he was clueless, by white blood cell count was really high, by this time it was already 7 pm and I hadn't eaten anything and he insisted that I had cronic abdonimal pain, which I really didn't, so he wouldn't let me eat. So I had a cat scan done, that was fun, except for the solution they make you drink but then they inject iodine and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and its fun, So I obviously was not going home and I was given a room in observation, with tv and all, very private all the hospital staff acted like it was a big deal. I really wanted to go home though, like all the pain, the fever, even the need to sleep was gone, I felt fine, but noooo my catscan showed that I had severe intestinal inflamation...colitis (that word makes me laugh, I think it's really funny) and so I had to be checked into the hosptial. They sent me to pediatrics because after all I'm only 19 (that's what the nurse said) It was really fun though, the bed was incredibly comfortable and it adjusts according to your body and all, its so much fun! and the hallway had these huuuge colored dots and the walls were all different colors, I faced a lime green and blue wall, so that made me happy, it comforted me because I did feel a little scared, I didn't know how severe it was. And you get your own individual t.v. and nurses come in and check your blood pressure and temperature like every hour. So I was able to sleep and all the next day I had to have blood drawn again, I was given ridiculous amounts of potassium, who knew we have a limit for how low our potassium can be... and potassium really really hurts so I was given a pain killer, which put me to sleep for like 2 hours, I think it's really funny how you can feel in seconds what you are being injected and you react to it right away, like I immediatly passed out. I was also injected antibiotics and more I.V. but no food. The food lady kept on coming in to the room with food trays for my mom and she'd yell, not for you for your mom and everytime I was woken up from my sleep it was because of her, I still like her though. I also had another test done for which I had to be given and anesthetic, all I remember from that is the white milky looking stuff going into the I.V. tube...like the first ml, and then waking up to the doctor saying it was nothing too serious that I had to eat all fluids and mashed potatoes, when I proceeded to yell, I love mashed potatoes! and then mumbled and fell asleep again, and then they finally fed me at like 7 at night, the yummiest chicken noodle soup i've ever had, (it probably wasnt that good, i was just really really hungry) and then I was released at midnight and wheeled out. I can walk a little, can't really do much yet, I feel dizzy and tired and like I have no energy but I thank God that it wasn't anything too severe.
It really wasn't that bad, except for the emergency room, which, emergency rooms really have to be improved and need more personel, I kept getting mad at the old ppl because they all got to leave and I didn't and I didn't get to shower for two full days, and I hadn't showered the day before soo my shower today was pure glory, I kept on getting poked for my blood because my of my low potassium and low blood sugar and I didn't get a big balloon.
All the nurses were really really nice and sweet and made me feel safe and looked after and of course my awesome mom who was there with me!
Now I just have to get my energy back and I was supposed to move in to school today, but as soon as I feel ok, I'll be able to go, yay!!!

city lights and what not

It's me! Smile Ana! You are looking reeeeeally tan!

everytime I looked for my parents, I found them here!

Cleopatra, Caesar, their servant and two random people

I thought it was marshmallow but it turned out to be banana... yuck! but it was ok bc I had cotton candy before that and like 4 other pastries plus rainbow sorbet

Cirque du Soleil at TI... fabulous and could-not-stop-laughing-funny!

Oh me and my shopping spree! If you are really feeling in the mood to shop, go to Vegas! while my mom and dad spent their time at the casinos, my sister and I shopped, it was soo much fun!

the Bellagio Fountain! it is so much fun to wait there 10 min and see water dancing to a song. I loved the Bellagio

Sun Vegas Style!

This was my absolute favorite part of the trip! Being out in the sun and seriously being there, everybody looks just as tan as the next person so it's hard to notice how tan you really are, until you come home and lets just say that I have no need for blush anymore, my cheeks are always red! and I also have bathing suit marks...really marked!
The Garden of the Gods at the Caesar's Palace is like heaven, I could have spent all day there, but we would get up at 8 am when it opened, and stay there until 1 pm and have lunch there and read and swim and the pools were soo much fun, the one with the Gazibo type of thing was freezing cold. Karla and I are convinced that it used to be a fountain and they made it a pool but the don't heat the water at all, not even a little bit. My mom made us swim across it so she could take a picture of us on the stairs and it was painful and the worst part is that after you swim onto the gazibo steps, you have to swim back to get out! and it was so so so cold, but it was still fun. All the pools are named after a god or goddess, like Venus, Apollo, etc.
The weather obviously is very dry, so whoever was the genius to put down a resort there, pave some streets, put some pools and make it extravagant, yay for you!

*Us being wet ducks!


*My sis and I enjoying the gorgeous morning sun


*You can't tell but we are freezing cold!


*And my bubble toes!

Le Grand Canyon

Ay! what to say??? the grand canyon! breathtaking, I don't think there is a better word to describe it. I spent a day and a half there and it felt like a week! not in a bad way though, just that it is such a peaceful place. No wonder artists and writers find inspiration in the western part of the country, anyone looking for an answer, will find it here. My dad planned a surprise helicopter ride for us! he kept telling us that we were going to ride the mules down to the canyon and that we got to pick the size of the mule we wanted, the bigger ones were of course more expensive. And then he drove to the airport and IT WAS AWESOME! Like i said I erased the pictures we took in the helicopter of each other with our headphones on but I still have some of the gorgeous scenery. I got to sit right up front next to the capitan, which was a girl! she was really nice, we had a whole conversation about Lola and how she had just gotten a camera like mine and was learning to use it. At first I was kind of nervous because I do have this thing about heights, I'm scared! and I had windows all around me, even down to my feet, it was just glass, but it was so beautiful to watch that I forgot about it and it truly was an unforgettable experience.
We went into the park and walked around, shopped a little and ate there too, and this group of Chinese children were wearing red hats and they all gathered in a group and sang to the Grand Canyon and it was sooo beautiful, there is really no way to explain it, but I was in tears, they were seriously the best chorus I've ever heard. We asked them what their song was about and they said it was about eternal beauty. I think it was one of the best parts of my trip, listening to them sing. That day was a little cloudy but it was still hot outside and as we had dinner, out of the nowhere, it just started to hail, but seriously hail, the pavement suddenly turned white and this lasted for like 10 min. afterwards the sun came out again. It reminded me of when I was little and lived in Mexico and I loved it when it hailed because as soon as it stopped my sister and I would get out little plastic buckets (the ones you take to the beach and make sand castles with) and we would gather the little hail balls and it was our attempt to fill up the buckets as fast as possible so we could play with the ice, but of course by the time we did, the ice would turn into water.
The morning after we got up really early at 5 am and we watched the sunrise over the Grand Canyon, it was so relaxing, so peaceful and so strenghtening, I did a sun salutation and felt such a wonderful energy, I was happy the rest of the day!

So here we go

Im gonna start from the beginning and talk about the high lights of my trip! So I don't know how long this will take, a couple of posts I guess but there were some really fun memorable moments that I want to write about.
The Hoover Dam!
I was absolutely astonished at the grandeur and marvelous architecture of this project. Even more so that it was built in the 1930's! I had seen it on tv and knew what it looked like but being there was amazing and I cannot believe that men were able to build this. I really liked the feel of it, even though the heat was way to extreme to be out there more than 15 minutes, it was so fun to be able to stand there and admire tons of concrete that could build an interstate highway from L.A. to Boston! I have this thing about huge amounts of concrete and metal together, for some reason, it just creeps me out, it really is like phobia, like bridges and stuff, but this dam felt so peaceful, and The Colorado River is beautiful.
Here is my lovely sister and me trying to find shade away from the sun that felt like it was grilling us, and my dad pretending to almost jump, because he is convinced that people have jumped from the dam and he thinks its funny, and for some reason there was a sign going in to the bridge to cross over to Arizona that said, stay in cars... like who would dare to get out of their car, it's creepy! and there was also a sign that said heat kills... I thought that was pretty funny too ha!

What Happens in Vegas...

Stays in Vegas... but I will still talk about the trip because it was so so so much fun that I just HAVE to talk about it. From the very beginning of the trip, our drive to the Grand Canyon where, yes, the west is very much like the make it to be in all the movies, to the suprise helicopter ride (dad's surprise) to the Hoover Dam! city lights, awesome shows, Mystere, the shopping and the gorgeous Garden of the Gods pool at the Ceasar's palace, it was alll sooo what I needed. I am so glad that I was able to get away and see new things, meet new people and enjoy being far away. I have to say, life out there, especially out by the Grand Canyon is so different that what it is like here in Michigan and in the eastern part of the country. I don't know if it's just me, but time goes by so slowly, the days are everlasting and people just enjoy time better, it's like...time is the most abundant luxury out there. Even in Vegas, people go out there to lounge and relax, my perception is that fast-paced life is non-existant out there. It was all great though, it was soo new to me and so different, but so good. The Canyon lodges are up in the mountains in the middle of nowhere, where...cell phones don't get a signal, the town is less than a mile long, there are 3 restaurants, a bunch of souvenir stores, one general store and all these buildings look like they are falling apart, sooo rustic, but nice, very welcoming, even the woods, the park, nature is welcoming. There is also an IMAX theatre, that of course plays a short documentary about the Grand Canyon. I have, easily over 250 pictures from the entire trip, I will not even attempt to share all of them, because that would take an eternity but I will share a good bunch of them with y'all, I am very excited about doing so! I committed a great stupidity. I took two cameras with me, Lola, my baby, she is the love of my life and she is bruised!!!! Her lense is not fitting in properly so I have to get her checked, but she held in there and gave us some great pictures and then a tiny camera, which doesn't really inspire me to name her, but I still like it (I do notice that I refer to cameras by "her") anyway, I was trying to make the tiny camera take normal pictures instead of fine so that we could get more pictures into it and I very stupidly deleted all the pictures that we had already taken, most importantly the pictures from the helicopter ride, inside the helicopter, that were absolutely adorable and I really hate myself for that, I cried the whole night, not believing that I had done that. WE still have some from that day, but I so wish I could get the deleted pictures back. A side from that, we ate, we drank, we walked, we saw, we did, and my parents gambled ha!
If you had asked me before how I felt about going to Las Vegas, I would have said, no way forget it, never going there!
If you ask me now, I will say, I will go back someday.

We got up at 5 am to go watch the sunrise over the grand canyon and this was the first picture of the sun creeping up the canyon, it was freezing cold, and i had to stand on this rock that if I had fallen, I would have def. broken a bone, but it was so worth it.

My favorite favorite hotel in Las Vegas was the Venetian, such a beautiful hotel, I however stayed like 2 blocks away at the Caesar's Palace.

This is a picture from the helicopter ride coming in to the Grand Canyon, scary and so exciting at the same time!