true essence

Oh man, do you ever just feel the need to write, the words just pour out from your fingers and your fingers type as fast as your mind can think??? It is a sense of need for release, and I don't know why or what from but it is oh soooo needed. It's not a bad thing, not at all, its not even anxiety or anger, it's just a creative need to let go of something that once out, will make me see this world differently, it is a good shift as I like to call it.
So I will write and write until I can write no more and maybe then, I will see, just what it is that needed so badly to get out :)
you know, growing up is good, growing up just creates the chance for memories and those are great things.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about this concept of memories and it astonishes me just how complicated we are, our world is really. How can something only present and tangible in our minds be real? Did we create it, is it really there, Will one day I wake up and realize that it was all a dream and that I live in a very disticnt world? and if not...think about this, our memories are usually from years past so, really, the only way we ever see ourselves is at a younger age, a younger version of ourselves and soooo...is that younger version of ourselves true to who we are now? does personality and characteristics withstand who we are today?
I would like to think so, I would like to think that the person I was 10 years ago, is simply a younger greener version nof what I am today because if this is so, then it means that I have created a true person, that I do not seek to create myself or renew myself in the eyes of others, only in my own eyes and of course in the eyes of my faith.
I saw a picture of myself from when I was five or six years old and I compared it to one taken 2 months ago, and I have the exact same grin on my face, it is a grin of funny discontent most likely because I did not want to have my picture taken, but its the same face, and it made me laugh and it made me happy because it means that my true essence is still there.
Speaking of true essence, i have been thinking long and hard about this too and home...house...place to live...place to grow, what is a house to me?
I don't think I really understand but these two ideas, home and memories are clearly strongly intertwined (is that a word?) when it comes to talking about my crazy i don't know what to call it anymore life. I used to want to find an explanation for all the moving, like maybe there was some sort of secret plan waiting for me at the end, im not sure of that anymore and sooo with this, I wish to recall every single house I've lived in and write about it, just simply record what is so great and specical about it and maybe then I will find links btwn each house, a clue to lead me to the true sign and root of it all, I think it is quite possible, and I think going back in time will also help me gain a higher understanding of myself.
Oh my goodness how fun this will all be, I cannot wait and can I just say that as far as being home in Shebly these past days, it has been amazing, some of the best memories yet and I cannot wait to be 40 and look back at these years because oh how glorious these memories will seem.
Anyhow...here begins a series of writings and notes about the places I've been, how they have marked or not marked my lilfe and the root of it all, what is it that we are looking for in a house that we have not been able to find????
that is...it will begin tmw, right now it is beauty sleep time.