Four and and half years of schooling at one of the finest educational institutions in the nation, what I like to think of as exciting and character-building experiences under my belt, some internship experience that is worth mentioning, and 4 months at a prestigious financial institution later... jobless, anxious about the future and what I fear the most, unprepared for the real world?
Quite honestly...I don't know what to do with all of this. It spins in my head over and over again as if somehow, my life could work itself out just by trying to fit all the pieces of the puzzle, but it doesn't. Not that I hold it against the whole world, but it seems like every person I ever encountered during my college career failed to inform me what life after college really looks like.
I have a lot of questions. Mainly...why do we all fall for this way of life, is it really human nature? No one is really willing to answer this, and my answer to that is... they're afraid to ask themselves: is this pattern for life we've so carefully structured into our years really satisfying?
I can't help but notice the existentialistic tone to what I am currently writing and although I am very deep in thought, I don't mean to sound hopeless. I truly do love life and even more so when I count all my blessings, but, I also can't help to notice that there is something terribly wrong with our society and the values that we hold high. I would hate to find that at the core of all human desires... I would find possessions... not personal experiences, not love, not friends but things, money...
So at 23, unemployed, apart from friends, from an independent life and very far from knowing what it is that I want out of life, how I'm going to get it and what job I will like enough to keep it as my everyday routine... this is my quest to find myself again, to understand why everyone is so freaking content with doing the same thing over and over again while being married to a paycheck, and to have an outlet to the thoughts that slowly consume me because maybe then I will find the answers I am looking for and maybe then I will be able to alleviate some of the anxiety I feel.
Honestly.... there has got to be a reason why I'm sitting in Waukegan, IL (yeah... ever heard of it...) so uncertain of the future and with little to no direction as to where to turn next. What is the lesson here???
Hmm... Must figure out.
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