I'm ready to write.
Hello november, welcome to my life. There is something about you, I feel like you are welcoming me with open arms so I will do the same for you. THere used to be something about you, for some reason, I couldn't get myself to like november but today, you seem different, like we are ready to meet each other. You have entered with a snow storm and although I was literally "breaded" in snow, it wasn't too bad. There is something bittersweet about the cold and about snowfalls. I almost delight in it even though the cold wind feels like needles on my face. I specially enjoy walks at night, I may be freezing, but there is something about it, it is so hard to explain, it is just safe, it means christmas is coming, it means I don't have to have a reason to hug people if I feel like it, it means being emotional is ok, You winter serve very much as a metaphor.
I wish I carried a notebook with me so I could write down little notes to remind me of all I saw in a day and all that I want to write. This blog would be a heck of a lot more interesting.
Today in drawing class, something clicked, art clicked, a calm soothing feeling clicked. whatever it was, it just brightened my oh so very loooooong day. My self-portrait is looking awesome by the way.
One of my very good friends told me a story and it made me realize that the dreams, the ideals and the beliefs that I have are not really thaaat out there or crazy. Sometimes I feel like I live in this fantasy world away from reality, not so much because I think that I am crazy but becauswe there have been people that have judged and have brought me down and decided to tell me that I need to come back to reality, yet...I am not the one wondering what to do with my life or who I am, I very well know and this story just made me smile.
Apparently, her friends parents are from Italy and they met one day on the Street, back in Italy. They never exchanged numbers or made anything of it and they seperatley decided to go to Yale. One day the man (dad) dropped something and went to pick it up and when he stood up there was this woman standing infront of him and they stared at each other and recognized each other from the day they had met and fell in love and have been married ever since (years and years.)
And then, the guy (my friends friend with the parents with the cool story) wrote her the most beautiful letter I have ever read in my life. It is the kind of letter you wish to have written about you because it talks about all the qualities that you don't see in yourself that this other person sees and its marveled by. I always wished that someone would write something like that about me, that I could inspire someone in that way, and I am not writing out of jealousy, it may sound like that, but I'm really not, I was touched and truly honestly geniunly believe that my friend deserves this in her life, she deserves that letter and she deserves this boy in her life. These are the types of things that matter in life at the end of the day. Not the gifts, the presents, not woohing someone off their feet, the simple things, being able to put in words how much someone matters to you, as simple as that, makes life worth living.
I spent an hour at a bookstore today, it was blissful me time. I bought a book about yoga because I believe that it is time I start reading about it, learning about it and its philosphy and I am so excited about it. :) It is truly something I want to commit to and dedicate to. I am one of those persons who will do something for a while and then kind of stop doing it...and let it go and never come back to it. I don't want to do that with yoga, it is too good to me.
I bought the new (kinda new) John Mayer cd, i really really like it, it is like...exactly how i feel and ever since tuesday night I feel like an older person, Like i grew up, once again...life clicked and John Mayer writes good songs about that.
"Pain throws your heart to the ground, love throws the whole thing around." So true.
Lastly, I've written about this a million times but hypocrisy and cynisism really bother me. These things really get to me and I don't understand why people behave in this way, honestly, do you not see that there are better things to do with your life? a better way to live your life? People...just don't, try to learn not to behave in this way, you ruin it for yourself and for other people.
On a lighter note...I am loving the art school and I am so afraid that this feeling will go away, I don't want it to go away, please feeling don't go away :)
oh and...its snowing like a mofo...
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