Oh dearest, how we have drifted apart, you know, its funny how we let others influence our energy and spirit so much to the point that we stop being ourselves and we become this thing walking around that we most definitely do not want to be...I think thats why I stopped writing, it was not me writing about my everyday life, it was the things influencing me that were writing and that is not fair to my intellect, more importantly my soul and the few out there that read this.
I did want to take a few minutes of quite time that I have right now to write about the year that is leaving. 2006 was like one of those teachers in high school that you fear and feel intimidated by. They put you on the spot and they grade you really hard but at the end of the year you realize just how much they taught you and how they helped you become a better student and you realize that everything they do is not for their own pleasure but they are doing it for you. That was 2006 easily summarized. for me.
Over the past two weeks I had the opportunity to read To Kill a Mockingbird,Which is just a great awesome book, there is so much there than just words, highly recommend it. I had never read this book before, but once again things happen for a reason, and I read this book at just the right time. It was a good reflection on who I am and how I view myself (Scout and I could very well be the same person.) Growing up, especially the teen age years, it is hard to find an image of yourself, its hard to view yourself because...well its simply the time when "you are trying to find yourself"
Although, I have always had a pretty clear view of who I am, thankfully, I have never seen myself in a clearer most definite way and...I always say this, as I smile to myself, it is a wonder, discovering yourself as a human being, as a soul, it is simply amazing. I will never stop seeing myself as a child, I think like one and act like one and yet, I have so much maturity in me, and this in the humblest of ways (if that is even a word). Being almost 20 there are so many things that you slowly wake up to, situations that you have never been put in and yet its the little things that bring me the most satisfaction. For example, I now have a say in the Christmas dinner menu or the New years menu, and I cook and I arrange the house and these little responsabilites are the things that I look forward to every year, it is what brings my family closer and closer and I am so blessed to say that I have enjoyed the holidays this year with such.....i don't even know what the word is. It is simply greatness.
You know, I was once told, the world you live in Ana, is not real, you have to cut the ombilical chord, come down to Earth, and for the longest time these words hurt me so, because, I believed to be doing something wrong, I believed there was something wrong with me and I struggled with it for a while, but, now I see that I need not do such thing, this family is the glue that hold it all together and as much as we fight and yell and whatever, we love and cherish each other to death, I am closer to my dad, my mom and I are finding so many similarities btwn each other, and my sister is like my other half, and the best part is that I have great people surrounding me to show me that this is it. That I am doing nothing wrong, but still...thank you for the lesson.
I guess in the end, it is always about maintaining the soul fed and happy, if there is no soul, then there is nothing, and people you may attempt to go on without understanding this, but I promise you, you will find such happiness and comfort if you take a look inside...that is what I have learned.
2007 somehow looks promising and exciting, something about it just looks damn right...awesome.
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