once again, i am sorry for neglecting you, if anything i am harming myself more than i am harming you, it is my wish and desire to write every day this next week, it'll be my goal. i think that it will get me back on track to thinking about other things besides the terrible summer i seem to be having. it isnt all that terrible, i cannot say that i will die from it bc that would be extreme exaggeration and it would not be fair to the poor or the sick.
whenever a new year begins, i have an intuition for what the year is going to be like, i just know, and sure enough it turns out to be exactly like i felt it would, you might call me crazy, i dunno, i believe in all this, i can't help it. Anyway 2006...hard year
challenging year, a year of more downs than ups, but the once that you don't necessarily learn from, more like the downs that get to you and you remember for the rest of your life as hard moments, thats what this year is like. I was prepped for it, i knew it was coming (the hard year) but i thought it would be kinder to me, i did not think it would throw at me so much at once. the hardest part... i feel like its taking away from me what i love the most, or what i think i love the most.
I once heard that the things we truly desire, desire us back just the same. Why is it that it always seems that the things we really want... never come to us? why is it that for more than we desire things, and wish for them and think that we deserve them... we don't get them?
lack of faith? i doubt it.
is it not right to want things? should we just wait for them to come to us instead, because only the things that we really deserve will come to us? then what is the point of desire, and wishing? why do we even feel those things?
we always hear of little kids and how they want to grow up fast, how adults tell them, don't rush, enjoy being a kid because when you grow up you'll long for your childhood, and that, never comes back.
I've never been one of those kids, I've always taken my life for what it is, and accepted what has come to me at any given time, I've always wanted to stay a child, I never understood why other kids wanted to act older.
I still don't get it, I still want to stay a kid, and, i don't think it's fear of life or the future, I think its just being smart.
No comments:
Post a Comment