long day for a long post

So indeed, when you stop fighting it, when you stop looking for it, it comes to you, in this case, I kept looking for things to live for, for things to think about, and when I gave up, it all came to me.
I took my mom to the doctor's today, which I pray, was a pointless visit, because I want her to be healthy, I want her to be happy, ever since we came back from Mexico, I see her not taking care of herself, happy because my sister and I are home, and happy with my dad, but not genuinely happy. Today for some reason she started a conversation about divorce, which she assures us is not happening and will not happen, but this issue has been present my whole entire life, I have heard the threat of divorce soooo many times that I am imune to it. I discovered something today though, my mom, has had so many fights and arguments with my father and my sister and me, asking to be understood. She especially wishes for my sister and her to understand her situation, which we always believe to be dramatized, that her life has really not been that unhappy. The truth is however, that she is not arguing because she has an unhappy life, she is arguing because she feels alone, not understood and heart broken. And, yes, she always says, when you are older, you will understand, the truth is though, that age does not bring wisdom in itself, its the experiences that we live as we get older, how can someone understand something they have never heard or seen? how can someone understand if they have never been exposed to certain things? it's impossible, Today, I understood her like never before, because now I know what heart break is, now I know what she has been asking for her entire life, simply to find someone to say, I understand you, I believe you and I will protect you and shelter you. I saw all this in 5 seconds, I suddenly understood 20 years, in 5 seconds.
Then, after lunch, my sister told me that my aunt, the one I have been praying for, is losing her battle, that the cancer seized to exist in her brain to unforgivingly spread through her womb and possibly vital organs, and all I can do is keep on asking, why her? and wish for a miracle. More than anything, I want her to be healthy, she is such a fighter, she wants to stay here and care for her daughters and husband, I want God to keep her here, and if he doesn't, then I want him to give her the best place in heaven so that she can care for her loved ones from there.
Finally, I went to the grocery store, which by the way, I think is a chain owned by the mafia, but this little kid, 5 years old, was helping his mom as she picked corn and cleaned it, he was holding the bag for her, very excitedly which makes me assume that he really likes corn, and he turned around and looked at me and smiled, the biggest most precious smile ever, like people don't take the time to smile at each other like that, and he sooo willingly and happily, gave me the greatest gift I have received today, he smiled at me.
My favorite artist is still Alejandro Sanz.