You find yourself at a crossroad and you know where you are supposed to go, there is no question about it, your heart, your soul and your mind tell you to follow that road, but there are too many barriers, too many people in the way and too many self-doubts, that you just stand there or even worse, you turn the wrong way. I don't want to be the one to do that, I don't want to be the one to walk away. I was once told that my entire life was going to be a struggle to fight for the things that I wanted. That it was going to be hard, but that my life had a purpose, so I should fight for the things I really want.
Here is how I see it, I am not verbal enough to defend myself, thats what people think. People say I let others walk all over me, the worst part is that the ones that tell me this, are the people walking all over me. I think this is how most people see the way I handle situations.
How sad life would be for me then, if I found the need to yell and bring people down, just the way they bring me down. My dad once told me, what is humble? what does it mean to be humble? I still don't know very well, but I have a certain understanding of what it is, and I try to be just that everyday. I don't see my silence as weakness, I see it as humbleness.
Being able to be compassionate for others, for the people who hurt us, for the selfish people, for the ones who believe they are the only victims or they are the only defenseless people, it's a virtue.
I am the observer, the listener. I am the one who understands everything you believe I dont understand.
While people spent their time being angry or victimizing themselves, I spend it forgiving and wishing them the very best. Just be sure that just because I dont say anything, does not mean that you havent done anything wrong, or that you havent harmed me in anyway. I am just too humble to think that I deserve the chance to scold you for any of it.
Perhaps it seems hypocritical to write about this in my blog, but I get sick and tired of those who believe I dont think things thru or that I am not hurt by the things they do, I am, but who am I to make you feel bad for it? I dont wish it upon you but If you are human enough, you would feel guilt. And today, is one of those days were I would like to let all of you know that, it is not weakness, it is not ego, it is not unawareness, its about being able to sit down and analyze and reanalyze situations, its about patience and compassion, its about forgiveness and humbleness.
Today in english class we got our first assignments back, and I got an A on mine! I got really amazing feedback from my professor and its such a great feeling. I enjoy writing, I enjoy the art of it, and committing to an idea, to a phrase, to a word. It is all so fun. Its something I have definitely become passionate about and it makes me smile!
You know those days, when you just feel soo pretty and so comfortable with yourself and the way you look...the way you are, today is one of those days :)
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