thinking of...

"how precious was the grace that appeared
the hour I started to believe."
This week I have learned so much about myself, I think somewhere we lose ourselves sometimes. We begin to depend on people and things and until those are taken away from us we realize how strong/how weak we really are. A year ago I think I was only happy when I found myself in other people or in other things. Now I think I am starting to find myself enjoying people and enjoying things. As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I see things in a new light, I think faith had grown cold and monotonous within me, unreal. I feel it through me again and it's so gratifying not only because it feels good but because I am no longer afraid of loosing it, I am starting to understand how not to lose it once again. These are the times when we need to sit down and reflect and be proud of ourselves because we are defining ourselves as an individual as a real bone and flesh person. Yesterday I was thinking how in the blink of an eye, I will be twenty and where those years went I begin to realize that I don't know! I mean I do know...I was here and there and did this and that, but they went by sooo fast! Yet they have been good building blocks and life right now wants me to let go of you, past, not forget you, but simply not be attached to you because there is more to come and I believe in that, the better. I look at myself and the mistakes, happened for a reason, and the good choices happened for a reason and the pain happened for a reason, but I still learn and I can still pick myself up and keep on smiling. So that is what I will learn to do, give you up past, you no longer want me and I no longer need you. And there is no better day than the day when you realize that sometimes giving it all up to life, to where it wants to take you, is the best way to go.