Michigan immigrant

So today in the Diag at the University of Michigan a group of republican conservatives decided to protest against illegal immigrants in the U.S. They played a game called catch the illegal immigrant. Which is a reenactment of an immigrant crossing the border and having police beat him down and chase him returning him to Mexican Land.
I have a problem with this. I believe its the year 2006 and that people are so beyond common sense, or comprehension, that they find stupidity as...enlightenment.
How can you tell me that beating someone up just because they are trying to gain a better life is a good thing? What makes a person better than the next?
If anything I think is the motivation to strive. Not the need to feel superior, just because you are blessed to be born in "the land of opportunities."
There are soooo many things that people could concentrate on bettering, like the fact that we waste too much energy, that we should concentrate on being at one with the world and with each other. Instead people choose to be angry, but they don't even know why they are angry, they don't even know why they feel they are entitled to bring other people down and supress them.
I am extremely disappointed at all the people who support this movement. You are wasting your energy and giving yourself such a bad image, when in fact you should be dealing with your own personal problems because most likely than not...you have many of them. If not you would be trying to make the world a happy place, not hostile.
I do believe that there are rules and laws to be followed. These rules however DO NOT give people the right to hurt or damage a person, especially when they have committed no crime and are not harming anyone. There are ways to deal with issues without having to resolve to violence and it is painful and disgusting that the best solution to arguments, are fights and sometimes unfortunate casualties. It is on your shoulders, all of you who choose to participate in violence, because of you this world is what it is, full of crime and corruption...and I do believe that conservative people are against crime and corruption...so why are you perpetuating it?
I greatly applaud the Latino community and all the people that were able to make it to the diag. and peacefully protest this horrific scene. (latino kids chose to wear yellow shirts that say michigan immigrant on it, and thats all they did)
I believe this is the best way to deal with such situations and it is my hope that history and kindness teaches people that violence and superiority leads to nothing but pain.

Its a gorgeous day

I could sit and stare out my window all day long at the beautiful sun and the way it hits on the building across the street, makes it seem like an enchanted beautiful little place. I have been outside, however, and its a happy day. It's one of those days when you think, I'm damn happy to be alive! and you just want to talk to everybody and smile and be peachy and ay ay ay! the world should have more of these days.
I love my drawing class so so so much. My professor officially named the duck I drew Clarice...but I wanted to name it Haywood, so we left it at Clarice Haywood.
Time can be our best friend sometimes. Time and life...well the things we do in life. I think my biggest flaw is that I try to control things when I know they can't and don't want to be controlled. I don't notice it though, I don't notice that I want to control things, I just sort of do it. It saves me the trouble of having to worry about things at the last minute, but I'm starting to see, that somethings just like to work themselves out.
Ohh, how I love thinking and analyzing thoughts, I could do it all day.

does it ever happen to you?

You find yourself at a crossroad and you know where you are supposed to go, there is no question about it, your heart, your soul and your mind tell you to follow that road, but there are too many barriers, too many people in the way and too many self-doubts, that you just stand there or even worse, you turn the wrong way. I don't want to be the one to do that, I don't want to be the one to walk away. I was once told that my entire life was going to be a struggle to fight for the things that I wanted. That it was going to be hard, but that my life had a purpose, so I should fight for the things I really want.
Here is how I see it, I am not verbal enough to defend myself, thats what people think. People say I let others walk all over me, the worst part is that the ones that tell me this, are the people walking all over me. I think this is how most people see the way I handle situations.
How sad life would be for me then, if I found the need to yell and bring people down, just the way they bring me down. My dad once told me, what is humble? what does it mean to be humble? I still don't know very well, but I have a certain understanding of what it is, and I try to be just that everyday. I don't see my silence as weakness, I see it as humbleness.
Being able to be compassionate for others, for the people who hurt us, for the selfish people, for the ones who believe they are the only victims or they are the only defenseless people, it's a virtue.
I am the observer, the listener. I am the one who understands everything you believe I dont understand.
While people spent their time being angry or victimizing themselves, I spend it forgiving and wishing them the very best. Just be sure that just because I dont say anything, does not mean that you havent done anything wrong, or that you havent harmed me in anyway. I am just too humble to think that I deserve the chance to scold you for any of it.
Perhaps it seems hypocritical to write about this in my blog, but I get sick and tired of those who believe I dont think things thru or that I am not hurt by the things they do, I am, but who am I to make you feel bad for it? I dont wish it upon you but If you are human enough, you would feel guilt. And today, is one of those days were I would like to let all of you know that, it is not weakness, it is not ego, it is not unawareness, its about being able to sit down and analyze and reanalyze situations, its about patience and compassion, its about forgiveness and humbleness.

Today in english class we got our first assignments back, and I got an A on mine! I got really amazing feedback from my professor and its such a great feeling. I enjoy writing, I enjoy the art of it, and committing to an idea, to a phrase, to a word. It is all so fun. Its something I have definitely become passionate about and it makes me smile!

You know those days, when you just feel soo pretty and so comfortable with yourself and the way you look...the way you are, today is one of those days :)

A J Muste

"There is no way to peace, peace is the way."

yes

It's a cold season for love and the heart is foolish.
I want a buddha board.

the art of making art

I've never believed in calling myself an artist. I think people who call themselves artists and have not practiced art for more than 40 years are purely egotistic. I am a student of art, I learn about art and then practice and practice until it becomes a little bit of second nature (it never really does.) Right or wrong, I am very doubtful of my skills. I know I am talented but I don't believe it sometimes. I always think, I still have so much to learn instead of wow I have less to learn because look at me, look what I can do!
When I work, I work for the satisfaction of learning along the way and of finishing. I work to better the way I draw. I work to create an emotion in a drawing and to be detailed. I work to perfect I guess its the way to put it and this way, I will work all my life because there is no perfect.
I went to the Natural history museum, We are drawing birds in my drawing studio and so I am drawing a duck. We usually go to the museum as a class but I decided I wanted to work ahead (Im utterly slow) and I went to the museum this morning. I was all by myself and I drew for about 2 hours. Little kids came by and watched me draw, people walked by and I could feel them looking but it didn't bother me. It was entertaining. I could watch their reflection on the window and its such a weird feeling, like people look at you because you are able to do something that they can't. This woman came up and she was with a bunch of kids, I'm assuming a field trip, and she started telling another woman how she thought I drew beautifully and she asked me if I was in art school and what technique I was using, because she had taken art classes in college. She told me to keep up the good work and walked away. All I could say was thank you in a very shy kind of way, because, well...thats what I do.
Ten minutes later she came back and said, you've inspired me, I'm going to take my drawings out and draw and happily walked away. And... I happily laughed and thought, well good! but your art is not just your art, your art is yours and whoever else sees it, it belongs to both of you and it impacts both of you.
A little later on this man came up to me and asked me if I was with an art class. I told him I was doing work for an art class but I wasnt with my class then. He said he kept seeing students drawing and wondered if they were from U of M. He told me he taught classes in the museum and also puts up displays for the museum. He then said, I just appreciate good art, very nice work. And I could not believe it. Like I was there to work, but, I got comments from people that were not grading me or critiquing me, they were admiring my work and so for a little while I actually believed that I am good, that I deserve to believe i'm good in a non-egotistic way.
I went to the art store to buy watercolors and watercolor paper, and I believe this place is pure good vibe. I hadn't seen a 1999 penny in a good six months, and today I found one, I didn't just find one, it was given to me, I was MEANT to recieve this penny and so I believe in what is next with full and utter faith, because I was also given a 1994 D penny. As unreal as it seems, its true, its very true.

it's beginning to get to me

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost.

Hey little darling

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
~david gray

uuummm

...I don't think it would matter today, I could stand on my head, dance and jump around, yell or sing and it all wouldn't matter today...

Hello Cuba!

My daddy's birthday was today!!! and so last night we went out to a cuban restaurant in downtown Detroit. We had all our family friends there plus my roomie Catherine and my sister's bf which I shall refer to as radish. It was soooo much fun. There was great food, great music, great laughs and fun and we all looked gorgeous ;).
After a great feast of paella, cakes and mojitos haha! we danced and although the dancing started very low key...people get crazy these days, lets just say it CANNOT be called dancing...its something else. Still we all enjoyed it. My favorite part was watching my parents dance together. It's like the years never pass them by and as the years go by they learn to appreciate each other more and more and love being around each other. I love my parents because they know how to have fun and they teach me how to have fun.
favorite phrase of the night: Stop making mojitos and dancing flamingo dammit!!! - me.


Most expensive flan I have ever had, but delicioso!

I love these girls...we're tight! hehe

Mr. and Mrs. Del Angel...they're in their late 20's....FELIZ CUMPLE PAPI!!! LOS ADORO! :)

It's flamenco not flamingo!!! She reminded me of my good old dancing days...someday I'll go back

Not only were our outfits matching....we ate the whole thing! yuuumm ( we are such roommies!)

Like....

there are sooo many things that I would like to write about today, I wish I could spend a whole day writing on my blog, but I kind of dont want to do that so Im gonna write about how I spent about four hours playing with photo shop today and I absolutely love it! Its like...whoah! I think I spent last semester afraid of my computer and how to use all the programs that I have but now I know where to find things and do things and it is soooo much fun! the feeling of...conquering...is such a great feeling. Its like knowing that yes absolutely like a wise man once told me...cant, is not an option.
I feel like Ive found inspiration again, it took me 6 long freaking hard months to find inspiration again and believe in my skills again and the best part is that Im having fun. Im having fun doing what I do and Im loving what I do. Its so weird how things just click one day, you can practice and practice, do and do, dread and dread, try and try and then one day...it just clicks, life just clicks. So here are a couple examples of my experiments today with photoshop.


Helloooooo Mr. Sun! your chubby cheeks make me happy. He just wanted to be black and white.

Well...what is different about this martini glass???

Oh she is so pretty in sepia!

This used to be all beige, now its blue and green.

This eye used to be green, I added blue tones to make it more exciting!

p.s. VIVA MEXICO AND OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!! YAY!!!! PARTY!!!!! SO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE WHO GET TO EAT TAMALES AND POZOLE AND GO OUT AND BLOW UP CRAZY AMOUNTS OF FIRE WORKS AND PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!! I MISS MY MEXICO!!!!

right in front of my face

I'm the kind of person who is incredibly capable of tunning out of the world, and drown in my own thoughts. I can be surrounded by noise but if I' thinking, or working, I completely ignore it, it's like it's not there. We always hear of people who live in their own world and bubble...thats me! I only see the important things, the things I'm used to thinking about and rarely notice my surroundings. Today was just like every other day, me and my little head, I had had a lot of water and went on this tour of our media resources (Video, lighiting, audio, blah blah blah) and so all I could think about after that was how bad I had to go to the bathroom and so I went into the bathroom and turned around to a wall of the bathroom stall and froze after seeing the following phrase, "destiny awaits" although the a in awaits was faded out so I first read it as "destiny waits"
I forgot about my bubble, I forgot about my thoughts, I realized that I was no longer tuning out the rest of the world and there it was just for me, this little phrase. Either way of reading it...it means something great, and so I once again prove that yes indeed there are signs everywhere and they come to you when you least expect them and it is so satisfying to know that the world does work in a certain way. It is not just some chaotic crazy thing, it was a purpose, we have a purpose, I have a purpose and slowly but surely it is being laid out for me and I am following it, that I'm sure, I am following the path I'm suppose to follow. BIG YAY FOR THURSDAY.

contemplating the thought

I know what your worst fear is
and the worse part is that... it's true.

yup yup yup

I do believe that everything is a sign.

ahh... the joys of planning out life

The truth is, there is no way to plan out life. You can picture it and you can dream about it, but it will never work out that way. You cant choose the places where you are or where you'll be, you never know when you will start liking someone or when you'll stop liking someone and you can't yell at the world for not giving you what you THINK you need or you deserve. Life doesn't work that way. Life happily enough is a complicated thing and it takes and gives to make you wiser, to make you realize that the mind you possess is grand and much more greater and beautiful than anything in this world (nature is pretty wonderful too.) You are given A life that has already been planned for you, the people that come into your life are put there for a reason, the people that leave you, leave for a reason and letting that one life you were granted take you where it's supposed to is the only way to live. It is the root of what people need.

I just ate the most delicious cup cake ever. I should've stolen two instead of one from the kitchen.
One more thing, losing things cost you money. Not having the intention to leave keys, wallets, credit cards, ID's costs you money!!!! Does that make sense!???? It's like I'm being punished for something I never intended to have happen but hey...it all happens for a reason right? right!

apples apples

I've decided that I'm gonna try to have a picture or two go with at least one of my entries per week, I think it will be fun. This entire weekend has been about apples, all I can think about is apples in every form and the phrase "the apple of my eye" I think apples will be interesting only for this project and then...they'll get old, just like they were before. I'm only a fan of apple pie during fall because of apple season and of apple sauce.
How many times did I just write the word- apple- in that paragraph?
I like what I'm doing though, I so want to grow this year as an artist and more importantly grow in my drawing skills, I'm very passionate about drawing lately.
Here is a picture of my charcoal powder and a hint of the model for this project (a yellow greenish apple)
and here is also an eaten away apple ( I didn't actually eat it, I bit into it and threw out the apple bites)
but I liked this picture, it looks like an apple sculpture to me and makes me happy!

thinking of...

"how precious was the grace that appeared
the hour I started to believe."
This week I have learned so much about myself, I think somewhere we lose ourselves sometimes. We begin to depend on people and things and until those are taken away from us we realize how strong/how weak we really are. A year ago I think I was only happy when I found myself in other people or in other things. Now I think I am starting to find myself enjoying people and enjoying things. As cliche and ridiculous as it may sound, I see things in a new light, I think faith had grown cold and monotonous within me, unreal. I feel it through me again and it's so gratifying not only because it feels good but because I am no longer afraid of loosing it, I am starting to understand how not to lose it once again. These are the times when we need to sit down and reflect and be proud of ourselves because we are defining ourselves as an individual as a real bone and flesh person. Yesterday I was thinking how in the blink of an eye, I will be twenty and where those years went I begin to realize that I don't know! I mean I do know...I was here and there and did this and that, but they went by sooo fast! Yet they have been good building blocks and life right now wants me to let go of you, past, not forget you, but simply not be attached to you because there is more to come and I believe in that, the better. I look at myself and the mistakes, happened for a reason, and the good choices happened for a reason and the pain happened for a reason, but I still learn and I can still pick myself up and keep on smiling. So that is what I will learn to do, give you up past, you no longer want me and I no longer need you. And there is no better day than the day when you realize that sometimes giving it all up to life, to where it wants to take you, is the best way to go.

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings

change of plans

I was gonna write this letter to myself about how I should not let stress or fear get in the way of my learning and how I need to love myself and care for myself before I care for others. It was also going to be about thriving and not getting stuck but finding things were I can develop my skills and grow as a person.
Screw that though, it all goes through my head day and night and I think I'll be ok, I don't think I need to be reminded of that. I really really feel excited about my tues. thurs. classes and I'm hoping I feel the same about mon. wed. classes.
Somebody took my wallet! give it back! I hate you! because of you I couldn't sit down today to just rest, I was all over the place, trying to find it and the worst worst part is that my coca-cola key chain was in there! give it back!
... I wonder if it's bad karma, I really need to start yoga again.
I then went to get my hair cut, it was really fun and the lady kept on telling me how gorgeous my hair is and how happy she was to be able to cut it. She was really nice, it made me wish I were a hair stylist, like I could totally do it... maybe I will.
I feel like everybody in school looks so much older now. We are no longer the scared intimidated freshmen, it's like we all believe we belong there, yet there is soooo much to learn, and I don't feel older or wiser, if anything I think I want to stop myself from feeling all that.
I'm definitely finding myself, what I really want to do and that's a good feeling.
I had nothing to do this afternoon, I had to fill out this quiz and If everybody on Earth lived like me we would need 4.3 planets and my total footprint number on this number is 19, i dont know what that means but I like number 19
I'm eating a peach
and im gonna go get cookies and milk now and get fat yay!

tu peor error

Hace tiempo que comento con la almohada,
Que tal vez si para ti soy una carga,
Hace tiempo que ya no le creo nada
Y he notado tu sonrisa algo cansada.

Con los días se amontonan los momentos,
Que perdimos por tratar de ser sinceros,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.

Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.

He tocado con la punta de los dedos
Ese cielo que prometes con tus besos,
Como un niño me creí todos tus cuentos,
Y aunq tu me entiendas yo ya no te entiendo.

Solo quedan los recuerdos de ese invierno,
Que pasamos enterrando sentimientos,
Y aunque no me creas creo que aun te creo,
Y aunque no me quieras creo que aun te quiero.

Y yo, perdida entre la confusión,
De no saber si, si o si no,
Voy esquivando tus miradas,
Yo, que he sido tu peor error,
Me quedo con la sensación,
De no tener las cosas claras.

No he sido yo, lo amargo de tu voz,
La mala entre nosotros dos,
Y no pasa nada, si apago la luz,
Y busco y no estas tú,
Si el tiempo no nos dijo adiós,
Y todo se acaba, yo.
-la quinta estacion

too much eye make up

Last night was my first outing of my sophmore year and it was fun! I was soo exhausted but it was definitely good to go out get some fresh air and dance a little. I got to see all the people that I met last year when I first moved in, they are all part of the latino community here at Michigan. I love being part of this community its so great that a whole year could go by without us seeing each other and still feel soooo damn happy to run into each other again! And of course, we have good music. I got to wear my very new funky shoes and they are absolutely the most comfotable high heels I have ever worn. I then came home and you know what I hate about make up??? It does not come off! you have to scrub at your face for it to come off and it still won't! I love being girly and putting on make up and looking pretty but I don't want to have dark circles around my eyes because the mascara wont come off! what to do what to do????
Well, don't worry if it doesn't come off entierely, the next day, you don't have to bother about eyeliner or mascara! and that way you sleep more (especially when the alarm clock doesn't go off and you wake up 5 min before you are supposed to be out the door) and you keep your eyelashes healthier!
I went to Findlay Ohio today. It is out in the nowhere, all farms and tiny little town but it was fun. We went to visit some friends that live there and they have 3 kids, one that is 9 years old, one is 4 and one is 8 months old. They are amazing kids, sooo smart, so outgoing and so mature for their age. Their family moves around alot and the 9 year old girl reminds me soo much of me when I was her age. I so wanted to tell her, in ten year my dear, you'll be soo mature and so smart, I think I admire you already. I got to put the 8 month old baby to sleep and although she scratched my neck and it looks like a cat attacked me, I thought she was precious, she let me put her to sleep and you always hear, women have maternal instincts since birth, I never actually believed it, especially me, but it made me think, I could do this, I want to do this, in the future having a baby will be the best thing that could ever happen to me.
I also went to a cave, well cavern, I've never been to one before and they talked about all the stuff I learned in earth science this summer so it was kind of interesting, but then again not really...still I've been there.
I still have to arrange my closet and dresser, ahh!!
It's all good though, I think it will be good this year.

It's starting to feel like fall

I finally made it to Ann Arbor, it's really good to be back, the second time around it doensn't feel like such a strange place. It feels welcoming. Yesterday was the never ending day! I got here and unpacked all my stuff, then my roommate and I went to buy a couch bc we have a room for our beds and a room for our tv, desks and such. It's really nice and cozy the way we've set up everything. It took us like four hours to put the couch together though, it was incredibly complicated but soo worth it! It's a fun couch. And! we can turn it into a bed if anyone comes to visit! So by the time we were done it was already 2 am and our room looked like a disaster but we decided to go to sleep instead. We heard a person yell you mother fucker blah blah blah! And we laughed for like 10 min. straight and somehow managed to stay awake until 5 am. It was a fun night though.
I am soooo tired now and I'm still not done unpacking. It also didn't help that we went to a friends house to watch the U of M football game (we won yay!...i dont really care) so I wasted half the day and I just want to sleep now, sleep sleep sleep.
College feels different, a little over whelming but good, I really think its the cloudy rainy weather that is getting me down.

My new favorite song is Express yourself by charles wright
my new favorite fruit are nectarines

the material

COACH AND NINEWEST CAN HAVE MY LIFE

I haven't talked about the new member of the family, its a brand new fully equipped red Jeep Compass and I love it! It is by far my favorite car that my family has ever had! I like to hug it whenever I get the chance.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

--Elizabeth Bishop

I smell really good

I surprisingly smell ridiculously good, like i get this lovely smell and i say to myself, what is thaat!?? and I realize its me, i thought I'd share that.
I was going to write about this yesterday but I realized I didn't, im really out of it though, I feel really weak today, I can hardly get out of bed and a fork has never weighed so much!
I literally have to ask my arms for permission to move, but I feel fine, I just wish I didn't have to be in bed, I can't just be in bed but I think that's why God is doing this to me, I always put others before me and I would rather take care of someone else than myself and I don't learn the lesson so this is the only way that God can get me to slow down and say relax, stop worrying about others and worry about yourself, now rest!
anyway, what I really wanted to write about was that yesterday I took a shower and got in bed and watched tv and there was nothing interesting I was getting bored and really wanted to get out of bed and do something and then suddenly at 1 pm i was flipping through the channels and there it was, my favorite movie ever starting on tv!!!! Serendipity!!! I really think it was a sign, its hardly ever played on tv and it made me sooooooooooooooooooo happy, I can't explain how happy it made me, like soooooooooooo happy haha! it really was a sign of you're gonna be ok ana!
I love that movie, I know every line by heart, i know what song is about to play and it never ever gets old, it gave me hope, it sounds silly i know but it did, not hope for one single specific thing, just hope :)

Dear year 2006:
You suck! you have been so mean to me and even though intuition told me you were gonna be hard on me from day one, I underestimated you! but you know what!??? I still win! soon you'll be gone and I will still be alive, move on and forget about you! plus 2007 will be much better to me! You, 2006, are not liked!

Beaumont

So...I spent two days in the hospital...yeah...
I suddenly found myself in the emergency room early morning on thursday with a fever, with a poked right arm and attached to I.V. and on a very uncomfortable bed and it took the entire day for doctors to figure out what I had.
First, it was my ovary, poor left ovary, but after useless exams and a very painful ultra sound, my ovaries are fine.
So then, the doctor insisted that I had early appendicitis, by the way that doctor graduated from U of M and he was clueless, by white blood cell count was really high, by this time it was already 7 pm and I hadn't eaten anything and he insisted that I had cronic abdonimal pain, which I really didn't, so he wouldn't let me eat. So I had a cat scan done, that was fun, except for the solution they make you drink but then they inject iodine and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and its fun, So I obviously was not going home and I was given a room in observation, with tv and all, very private all the hospital staff acted like it was a big deal. I really wanted to go home though, like all the pain, the fever, even the need to sleep was gone, I felt fine, but noooo my catscan showed that I had severe intestinal inflamation...colitis (that word makes me laugh, I think it's really funny) and so I had to be checked into the hosptial. They sent me to pediatrics because after all I'm only 19 (that's what the nurse said) It was really fun though, the bed was incredibly comfortable and it adjusts according to your body and all, its so much fun! and the hallway had these huuuge colored dots and the walls were all different colors, I faced a lime green and blue wall, so that made me happy, it comforted me because I did feel a little scared, I didn't know how severe it was. And you get your own individual t.v. and nurses come in and check your blood pressure and temperature like every hour. So I was able to sleep and all the next day I had to have blood drawn again, I was given ridiculous amounts of potassium, who knew we have a limit for how low our potassium can be... and potassium really really hurts so I was given a pain killer, which put me to sleep for like 2 hours, I think it's really funny how you can feel in seconds what you are being injected and you react to it right away, like I immediatly passed out. I was also injected antibiotics and more I.V. but no food. The food lady kept on coming in to the room with food trays for my mom and she'd yell, not for you for your mom and everytime I was woken up from my sleep it was because of her, I still like her though. I also had another test done for which I had to be given and anesthetic, all I remember from that is the white milky looking stuff going into the I.V. tube...like the first ml, and then waking up to the doctor saying it was nothing too serious that I had to eat all fluids and mashed potatoes, when I proceeded to yell, I love mashed potatoes! and then mumbled and fell asleep again, and then they finally fed me at like 7 at night, the yummiest chicken noodle soup i've ever had, (it probably wasnt that good, i was just really really hungry) and then I was released at midnight and wheeled out. I can walk a little, can't really do much yet, I feel dizzy and tired and like I have no energy but I thank God that it wasn't anything too severe.
It really wasn't that bad, except for the emergency room, which, emergency rooms really have to be improved and need more personel, I kept getting mad at the old ppl because they all got to leave and I didn't and I didn't get to shower for two full days, and I hadn't showered the day before soo my shower today was pure glory, I kept on getting poked for my blood because my of my low potassium and low blood sugar and I didn't get a big balloon.
All the nurses were really really nice and sweet and made me feel safe and looked after and of course my awesome mom who was there with me!
Now I just have to get my energy back and I was supposed to move in to school today, but as soon as I feel ok, I'll be able to go, yay!!!

city lights and what not

It's me! Smile Ana! You are looking reeeeeally tan!

everytime I looked for my parents, I found them here!

Cleopatra, Caesar, their servant and two random people

I thought it was marshmallow but it turned out to be banana... yuck! but it was ok bc I had cotton candy before that and like 4 other pastries plus rainbow sorbet

Cirque du Soleil at TI... fabulous and could-not-stop-laughing-funny!

Oh me and my shopping spree! If you are really feeling in the mood to shop, go to Vegas! while my mom and dad spent their time at the casinos, my sister and I shopped, it was soo much fun!

the Bellagio Fountain! it is so much fun to wait there 10 min and see water dancing to a song. I loved the Bellagio

Sun Vegas Style!

This was my absolute favorite part of the trip! Being out in the sun and seriously being there, everybody looks just as tan as the next person so it's hard to notice how tan you really are, until you come home and lets just say that I have no need for blush anymore, my cheeks are always red! and I also have bathing suit marks...really marked!
The Garden of the Gods at the Caesar's Palace is like heaven, I could have spent all day there, but we would get up at 8 am when it opened, and stay there until 1 pm and have lunch there and read and swim and the pools were soo much fun, the one with the Gazibo type of thing was freezing cold. Karla and I are convinced that it used to be a fountain and they made it a pool but the don't heat the water at all, not even a little bit. My mom made us swim across it so she could take a picture of us on the stairs and it was painful and the worst part is that after you swim onto the gazibo steps, you have to swim back to get out! and it was so so so cold, but it was still fun. All the pools are named after a god or goddess, like Venus, Apollo, etc.
The weather obviously is very dry, so whoever was the genius to put down a resort there, pave some streets, put some pools and make it extravagant, yay for you!

*Us being wet ducks!


*My sis and I enjoying the gorgeous morning sun


*You can't tell but we are freezing cold!


*And my bubble toes!

Le Grand Canyon

Ay! what to say??? the grand canyon! breathtaking, I don't think there is a better word to describe it. I spent a day and a half there and it felt like a week! not in a bad way though, just that it is such a peaceful place. No wonder artists and writers find inspiration in the western part of the country, anyone looking for an answer, will find it here. My dad planned a surprise helicopter ride for us! he kept telling us that we were going to ride the mules down to the canyon and that we got to pick the size of the mule we wanted, the bigger ones were of course more expensive. And then he drove to the airport and IT WAS AWESOME! Like i said I erased the pictures we took in the helicopter of each other with our headphones on but I still have some of the gorgeous scenery. I got to sit right up front next to the capitan, which was a girl! she was really nice, we had a whole conversation about Lola and how she had just gotten a camera like mine and was learning to use it. At first I was kind of nervous because I do have this thing about heights, I'm scared! and I had windows all around me, even down to my feet, it was just glass, but it was so beautiful to watch that I forgot about it and it truly was an unforgettable experience.
We went into the park and walked around, shopped a little and ate there too, and this group of Chinese children were wearing red hats and they all gathered in a group and sang to the Grand Canyon and it was sooo beautiful, there is really no way to explain it, but I was in tears, they were seriously the best chorus I've ever heard. We asked them what their song was about and they said it was about eternal beauty. I think it was one of the best parts of my trip, listening to them sing. That day was a little cloudy but it was still hot outside and as we had dinner, out of the nowhere, it just started to hail, but seriously hail, the pavement suddenly turned white and this lasted for like 10 min. afterwards the sun came out again. It reminded me of when I was little and lived in Mexico and I loved it when it hailed because as soon as it stopped my sister and I would get out little plastic buckets (the ones you take to the beach and make sand castles with) and we would gather the little hail balls and it was our attempt to fill up the buckets as fast as possible so we could play with the ice, but of course by the time we did, the ice would turn into water.
The morning after we got up really early at 5 am and we watched the sunrise over the Grand Canyon, it was so relaxing, so peaceful and so strenghtening, I did a sun salutation and felt such a wonderful energy, I was happy the rest of the day!

So here we go

Im gonna start from the beginning and talk about the high lights of my trip! So I don't know how long this will take, a couple of posts I guess but there were some really fun memorable moments that I want to write about.
The Hoover Dam!
I was absolutely astonished at the grandeur and marvelous architecture of this project. Even more so that it was built in the 1930's! I had seen it on tv and knew what it looked like but being there was amazing and I cannot believe that men were able to build this. I really liked the feel of it, even though the heat was way to extreme to be out there more than 15 minutes, it was so fun to be able to stand there and admire tons of concrete that could build an interstate highway from L.A. to Boston! I have this thing about huge amounts of concrete and metal together, for some reason, it just creeps me out, it really is like phobia, like bridges and stuff, but this dam felt so peaceful, and The Colorado River is beautiful.
Here is my lovely sister and me trying to find shade away from the sun that felt like it was grilling us, and my dad pretending to almost jump, because he is convinced that people have jumped from the dam and he thinks its funny, and for some reason there was a sign going in to the bridge to cross over to Arizona that said, stay in cars... like who would dare to get out of their car, it's creepy! and there was also a sign that said heat kills... I thought that was pretty funny too ha!

What Happens in Vegas...

Stays in Vegas... but I will still talk about the trip because it was so so so much fun that I just HAVE to talk about it. From the very beginning of the trip, our drive to the Grand Canyon where, yes, the west is very much like the make it to be in all the movies, to the suprise helicopter ride (dad's surprise) to the Hoover Dam! city lights, awesome shows, Mystere, the shopping and the gorgeous Garden of the Gods pool at the Ceasar's palace, it was alll sooo what I needed. I am so glad that I was able to get away and see new things, meet new people and enjoy being far away. I have to say, life out there, especially out by the Grand Canyon is so different that what it is like here in Michigan and in the eastern part of the country. I don't know if it's just me, but time goes by so slowly, the days are everlasting and people just enjoy time better, it's like...time is the most abundant luxury out there. Even in Vegas, people go out there to lounge and relax, my perception is that fast-paced life is non-existant out there. It was all great though, it was soo new to me and so different, but so good. The Canyon lodges are up in the mountains in the middle of nowhere, where...cell phones don't get a signal, the town is less than a mile long, there are 3 restaurants, a bunch of souvenir stores, one general store and all these buildings look like they are falling apart, sooo rustic, but nice, very welcoming, even the woods, the park, nature is welcoming. There is also an IMAX theatre, that of course plays a short documentary about the Grand Canyon. I have, easily over 250 pictures from the entire trip, I will not even attempt to share all of them, because that would take an eternity but I will share a good bunch of them with y'all, I am very excited about doing so! I committed a great stupidity. I took two cameras with me, Lola, my baby, she is the love of my life and she is bruised!!!! Her lense is not fitting in properly so I have to get her checked, but she held in there and gave us some great pictures and then a tiny camera, which doesn't really inspire me to name her, but I still like it (I do notice that I refer to cameras by "her") anyway, I was trying to make the tiny camera take normal pictures instead of fine so that we could get more pictures into it and I very stupidly deleted all the pictures that we had already taken, most importantly the pictures from the helicopter ride, inside the helicopter, that were absolutely adorable and I really hate myself for that, I cried the whole night, not believing that I had done that. WE still have some from that day, but I so wish I could get the deleted pictures back. A side from that, we ate, we drank, we walked, we saw, we did, and my parents gambled ha!
If you had asked me before how I felt about going to Las Vegas, I would have said, no way forget it, never going there!
If you ask me now, I will say, I will go back someday.

We got up at 5 am to go watch the sunrise over the grand canyon and this was the first picture of the sun creeping up the canyon, it was freezing cold, and i had to stand on this rock that if I had fallen, I would have def. broken a bone, but it was so worth it.

My favorite favorite hotel in Las Vegas was the Venetian, such a beautiful hotel, I however stayed like 2 blocks away at the Caesar's Palace.

This is a picture from the helicopter ride coming in to the Grand Canyon, scary and so exciting at the same time!

I don't believe that

Damn it!

Out of all the shoes that I own...I don't own a pair of black dressy shoes! damn it! what kind of girl am I??? I had this thing against black for a really long time but now I'm starting to get back into liking black and a pair of black dressy shoes seem really necessary.

I don't feel so good today, I feel like...not aligned. Waking up at 5 am every single day is not really working for me anymore.
But! like always, I found something to cheer me up!!!
Here he is, this is the first ripe tomato of our little garden, I really should have taken this picture outside in his own niche, but I think he still shines with all his glory! isn't he marvelous!!!?
Yay for tomatoes!

cheese balls!!!

I found cheese balls yesterday at the grocery store! It totally made my day (night) and I totally bought some! I haven't had cheese balls in years and I honestly thought cheese balls were extinct (sp?) I think this is a perfect example of how when you stop looking for something you want, you will find it!

No, No quiero ser esa mujer
ella se fue a un abismo
y tu
no eres aquel que prometio
seria mi súper héroe, y que
todo acabo, no queda mas
seremos dos extraños, yo
te olvidare, me olvidaras
hasta nunca.

Y donde quedo , ese botón
que lleva a la felicidad
luna de miel, rosa pastel
clichés y tonterias
y al final ni hablar
los dos nos destruimos
y al final que tal
tu y yo ya no existimos
-Belanova

I like pate

When I was little my parents would out an inflatable pool on sunny days, and my sister and I would run down with our yellow robes and pink bathing suits, and swim and afterwards we would sit on the grass and eat paté and crackers and ohhh how I loved it! It is one of my favorite childhood memories. I think the only reason I eat paté now is because it reminds me of those days.
Being a girl can be so much fun somtimes, my sister and I went shopping for make up, well I went because I needed my moisturizing lotion which I CANNOT live without and I needed blush. But the Clinique lady was so nice that she convinced me to buy a lip gloss and convinced Karla to buy blush and eye shadow, she was great, I really do not regret spending that money!
And then we went to look for shoes, that is, Karla wanted a pair of black stilettos but like always I fail the test and fell in love with a pair of wedges. They were on sale though! and I used my very own money to pay for those, so Im convinced it was a good buy.
So much for my wish for a cultural trip, no more Montreal, I am going to Las Vegas with my family, Im still excited though, I just want a hotel with a nice pool and nice sunny days, I've never been there, I really do not know what to expect. but yay!

sometimes I wish I were a song writer

*That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down

*That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained 10 pounds

That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
*That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not on a wing

*That I would be loved
Even when I'm not myself
*That I would be good
Even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved
Even when I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clinging

*That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you
- Alanis M.

I attempted to write this really looong entry about everything but then it just became a mess, so I deleted it. I am not finding the right words today, but still I have this really big desire to write about something. I guess it happens, I think that when we most want to say something, or write something or express ourselves in some kind of way, we cant. There is no focus, no real level of concentration which in turn can lead to frustration, if we let it!
I want to go out today and eat outside, in a place full of flowers and enjoy a delicious hearty meal. The medicine that I am taking has me a little out of balance, its really strong and well Im tiny so itll take some getting used to. I read the instructions and side effects and I have to take it with food and an 8 0z glass of water four times a day, and I cannot lie down for 30 minutes after taking the medicine. It can cause temporary weight loss while one gets used to it, heart burn, abdominal pain, back pain and oh by the way, rare fatal intestinal problems have been reported. There has got to be a better way around our health problems.
These are the vague thoughts roaming through the inner-depths of my unconsciousness,
i cried you last night
I still remember february, march, and april
if only i had known that it was the beginning of the end
if only you missed those times like i miss them
if only we had actually been destined for each other
when did time stop being on our side?
But when I turn back, you will be but a distant memory.

my day

ay ay ay
I went to the dentist today and I have the...blah blah blah, in the blah blah blah and so I have to go to the blah blah blah and have the blah blah blah done. The thing is I have to take medicine and that will make the swelling go down yay!
I was sad to see that my old doctor wasnt there, my friends twin, not that they are twins but my friend will look like my ex dentist in 30 years or so. So now I have a new dentist, who looks like nobody I know, but he is really nice.
Then I drove AAAAALL over town and I mean ALLL over, exhausting!
and I listened to oldies music, it was trés fun!
so in honor of oldies music, here, enjoy, sing it! it will make you smile!!!

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl.

now im off to eat my entire kitchen because im soo hungry, take a nap and yoga time!

The tree

When I was little my mother and father planted a tree together. I used to dance and run around it every afternoon. It was a pear tree that took up most of our tiny yard, I loved to dig out the dirt, especially when wearing a white dress and my mom would have to come outside and half laughing half yelling, she made me go inside, until I understood that I could not dig out the dirt from the tree.
Later on, my mother and father planted another tree, this was a peach tree, It was big and decorated the corner of our fence with its leaves. I would go out and stare at it every afternoon waiting for a peach. It took years for it to finally give peaches, and in the end I think I was only able to eat two or three of its peaches, they were good peaches though. I think the peach tree is my greatest memory from that old house.
Now, my mother and father have planted a tree in our backyard, we are happy now because we have a front yard and a back yard, before, we only had a yard...tiny yard. I no longer go out to play around the tree, and this tree has no fruit to give, but it has beautiful flowers surrounding it.

time out

I just want to take a second to "write-down" how stunning I've felt lately, I don't think I've ever felt as beautiful and marvelously gorgeous as I've felt lately. I may sound egotistic and stuck up, yet, it is important that we find time in our days to look at ourselves and thank our bodies for the way the are, for carrying us through each day and for allowing us to be. It is important to notice what our body is lacking, and grant it attention before anything else, 2 minutes a day, that's all it takes (figure of speech). It's ok to feel pretty, or sexy or handsome, in fact I think it should be encouraged...remembering that everything in extremes is bad for the body, mind and soul.
After 2 months of waiting my sister finally recieved a check from the airline that managed to destroy her entire wardrobe on our way to Mexico, and that check is damn pretty, I think she'll have a blast at the mall whenever she decides to go.
I, recieved 500 dollars from Ford to go buy a car...unfortunately my dad works for Chrysler, it would be like betrayal to the family.
I have a tooth ache...again! This time around im not so worried, it only hurts when I'm outside because of the heat and I already know what's going to happen, I have my doctor's appointment on thursday, but, I've decided that if I were to become a drug addict, not that I will, I currently have no reason to drown in depression and take the iniciative of becoming a drug addict, but if I did, I would become a motrin addict...or excedrin.
I keep seeing the number 11 everywhere!!! it doesn't bother me, like it doesn't scare me or anything, it calms me down, its a nice number to look at, and I get why I keep seeing it, but like...what comes after number 11?
As the writer of this blog, there is an evolution behind the reasons of why I write, as time passes, the things that matter in my life change and therefore I begin to have different reasons behind all this blah blah, this is the first time I notice that change, it's happened before, I've just never noticed it, I think its great, I like.

I'm writing twice today, weird, I know, I never do this, but I just saw something that pinched a nerve all the way down my spine and emm,
People, defend the things, people, and words that you believe in against all odds, especially against those who try to temper with the things each of us hold as sacred in our hearts, we all have a different definition of sacred, so whatever is sacred to you, don't let people touch it with dirty hands.

Montreal...start getting ready! :) :) ;)

finally things are changing

I like Dido, I think that if I were to write a song, I'd write what she has already written, therefore I'll leave it up to her, but, those songs of hers are like the pieces of a puzzle to my current thoughts.

when you know, you know, and if you don't know, you've never known, period.
I had a revelation the other day, crazy I know, but I totally did and I love these moments because it's when I realize that for being human and a smart human that is, it is amazing that I don't see the things that are right in front of me and how absurd it is not to notice but then again, I have read 3 books in the past 2 months, so I feel smarter, I'd like to think these books have helped my mind be more active and... thoughtful???
Also, being born on February 19th creates a problem, I dream too much. I could spend endless hours dreaming of the 'almost- perfect life' (at this point in my life, I don't believe in the perfect anything, maybe later on I will, it creates another internal dilemma and I would go ahead and explain it but ehh...I don't feel like it today.) anyway, I forget the difference between reality and dreaming. I think I need to create a balance of reality and dreaming, I don't think dreaming is a bad thing, but, man kind has not yet found a formula to stopping time and before you know it, a lifetime could have gone by in dreaming instead of taking action to make those dreams come true. I think so far, my only problem with dreaming, is that other people, don't dare to dream as much, or even dream at all! And so, I'm forced to turn and start dreaming somewhere else.
What it ALL comes down to in the end is... do you ever feel like you are being looked after by someone, or something (whatever you may believe in) but like there is someone watching your every step so that you don't fall and if you do, so that you analyze why you fell and learn the lesson? I do.

i'm watching tv

I'm watching this show which is like an american idol but in Mexico, and the students have to live in a house all together and take dance, singing, acting, blah blah classes and then every sunday, the students sing their assigned songs and they get critiques and blah blah, its another reality show, but its sooo fun! I'd like to say it's like a guilty pleasure but it totally is not, It sucks you in! We seriously set apart the evening to watch it and won't go to sleep until 11.30 when it ends.
It's like you get to learn about the "students" and its great great!
...back to watching!

One more thing

I add to my To Do list:
visit Morroco and learn as much as possible about their culture and life style and people and everything everything, it looks like such an enchanting fun colorful place, so different from what I'm used to seeing. I think that's why I want to go, because its so different from what I've seen.
I also want to go to India. I used to not be so attracted to that part of the world, but now I think India is a must.
Um... I know I had some things that I wanted to write about today, but they don't really flow into each other, or make sense together, not that that's ever stopped me before, but I guess they each deserve their own space, so maybe I'll write about them, maybe I won't, I guess I still have to decide.
I'll write about reggeaton though, for those of you who don't who I dare assume are not many, its music with a fusion of rap, salsa, reggea music, its very latino music, in fact in puerto rico its been alive for ever and ever. Now though, its becoming so so popular around the world that many artist are using it in their own music. Its a very very fun, seductive, rhytmic type of music. I think its great that its becoming so popular and that so many artists are being influenced by it. Isn't it funny who much influence lations have over the world, with their culture and yet most are condoned to the worst of life styles? what's up with that?
reminder to myself: buy a new pair of sun glasses, oh, and I like freckles.

this thing got a hemi!

I just got to drive a Durango, pretty red, soooo much fun!
then i ate empanadas and an orange
I pray for all the people who are sick and especially those who are sick and find themselves alone or away from their loved ones.

My new found passion

I've been meaning to write about this for days now because it has truly become very important in my life and for some reason or another I have neglected to do so. I want to share it with all you who read this because it is my intention that it will impact some of you and motivate you. I am absolutely passionate about yoga. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I have been going to yoga classes everyday without fail and the more I go the more I fall in love with it. Now, I will not attempt to teach you about yoga, because well that would be silly, but there are lots of misleading interpretations about what yoga really is. You will say, 2 weeks, that's nothing, but it has truly changed my life forever. I think its very true, the hard part is getting people to go and join in a yoga practice, the easy part is getting them to come back. Yoga in itself means, unifying. It is a very free NON-religious practice that allows a person to unify themselves with whatever they are lacking, unify with a God of their choosing, unifiy body and mind, unify sould and body, anything anything. This is achieved through the continous practice of excersises, breathing and a healthy positive mind. I will say that it is challenging, the biggest drive to continue practicing yoga is motivation, dedication and a want to see more of something in this world; love, joy, equality, peace, etc. It is not only healthy for the body because you learn to stretch and find your limits, it is incredibly spiritual, I strongly believe in the spiritual sense of things...life, so yoga was immediatly attractive to me. It allows a person to rid of negative thoughts and feelings through its practice, it allows a person to release tension and open their heart, it brings such a big sense of connection between the mind and the body that you begin to understand how your body works, how it is made up, how it moves and how far it can move. Finally it allows for a different perception in thinking, to see things in a different light is not always easy, yoga, emphasizes that a simple smile can change the way our mind percieves (SP?) a situation. I absolutely adooore it, I am addicted to it, and I have a crush on one of the teachers, he's only taught my class twice though, I still think he is really good looking...but anyway, that's not why I go, I seriously encourage everyone to go out and find a Yoga Studio, find some information about yoga, don't be afraid of it, EVERY SINGLE PERSON of any age that does not have a health problem, can do it and learn and be guided through some sort of yoga practice. Thinking that you can't do positions should not limit you, I guarantee that after your first class you will notice the change and be intrigued by how much you can learn.
I seriously plan my life around my yoga practice so that I don't have to miss a day of class and it has helped greatly physically, mentally and spiritually.
Go out, practice yoga!, be a happier healthier you!!!

long day for a long post

So indeed, when you stop fighting it, when you stop looking for it, it comes to you, in this case, I kept looking for things to live for, for things to think about, and when I gave up, it all came to me.
I took my mom to the doctor's today, which I pray, was a pointless visit, because I want her to be healthy, I want her to be happy, ever since we came back from Mexico, I see her not taking care of herself, happy because my sister and I are home, and happy with my dad, but not genuinely happy. Today for some reason she started a conversation about divorce, which she assures us is not happening and will not happen, but this issue has been present my whole entire life, I have heard the threat of divorce soooo many times that I am imune to it. I discovered something today though, my mom, has had so many fights and arguments with my father and my sister and me, asking to be understood. She especially wishes for my sister and her to understand her situation, which we always believe to be dramatized, that her life has really not been that unhappy. The truth is however, that she is not arguing because she has an unhappy life, she is arguing because she feels alone, not understood and heart broken. And, yes, she always says, when you are older, you will understand, the truth is though, that age does not bring wisdom in itself, its the experiences that we live as we get older, how can someone understand something they have never heard or seen? how can someone understand if they have never been exposed to certain things? it's impossible, Today, I understood her like never before, because now I know what heart break is, now I know what she has been asking for her entire life, simply to find someone to say, I understand you, I believe you and I will protect you and shelter you. I saw all this in 5 seconds, I suddenly understood 20 years, in 5 seconds.
Then, after lunch, my sister told me that my aunt, the one I have been praying for, is losing her battle, that the cancer seized to exist in her brain to unforgivingly spread through her womb and possibly vital organs, and all I can do is keep on asking, why her? and wish for a miracle. More than anything, I want her to be healthy, she is such a fighter, she wants to stay here and care for her daughters and husband, I want God to keep her here, and if he doesn't, then I want him to give her the best place in heaven so that she can care for her loved ones from there.
Finally, I went to the grocery store, which by the way, I think is a chain owned by the mafia, but this little kid, 5 years old, was helping his mom as she picked corn and cleaned it, he was holding the bag for her, very excitedly which makes me assume that he really likes corn, and he turned around and looked at me and smiled, the biggest most precious smile ever, like people don't take the time to smile at each other like that, and he sooo willingly and happily, gave me the greatest gift I have received today, he smiled at me.
My favorite artist is still Alejandro Sanz.

why pride and prejudice is such a great movie

Simply because every girl wishes for a Mr. Darcy to protect her, care for her and love her unconditionally.
All the fabulous dresses, houses and country scenery is a plus.

eleven

Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic. Others turn to people who are 'Eleven' for teaching and inspiration, and are usually uplifted by the experience.

In systems such as Astrology and basic Numerology, eleven is considered to be a Master Number. Eleven can also represent sin; transgression and peril, incompleteness. Ten being the perfect number, eleven represents the exceeding of both. It is interesting to note that eleven when broken down ( 1+1=2) comprises the Two of duality. Number eleven is a master vibration and as such should not be reduced to a single number.People with this number could be both idealistic and visionary, and they are attracted to the unknown.They can be both unusual, interesting and magnetic personalities.

Eleven bring the gift of spiritual inheritance, is gifted as the "Light-Bearer". It is the number of the Light within all. Strengthened by the love of Peace, gentleness, sensitivity and insight. Greatest facility is the awareness of Universal relationship. Is related to the energy of Oppositions and the Balancing needed in order to achieve synthesis. Eleven is The PeaceMaker... Colours : Gold, Salmon, Prune, White and Black. Segment of the horoscope ruling friendships, hopes, desires, social relations.

11:11 - Eleven-Eleven

11:11 is said to be a pre-encoded trigger placed in our cellular memory banks prior to our descent into matter which when activated, signifies that our time of completion and ascension is near. It is believed that one knows when this particular gateway opens for them by continually seeing the numbers 11:11 in there every day lives as a continuous ocurrence. Activation of other gateways may be symbolized by other digits.
(greatdreams.com)

Eleven - If ten is ordinal perfection, then eleven is perfect organization plus one more, one extra. One more than required, an extra measure, something more than only what is required. Eleven is the number of revelation.
(spiritcommunity.com)

Hmmmm???? I think I get it :)

everybody wants to be a cat

You know, sometimes there are songs that we don't hear in months or years and then suddenly the come on the radio one day and I go, oh! i remember that song, I like that song!
so here is one of those songs, maybe you'll like it too

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
~ Norah Jones

I keep seeing the number 11 everywhere, I'm sure it's a sign of something, but I don't know what...

boys are jerks

you say you care about me but you only hurt me

french bread

So today, my sister and I were sent to do grocery shopping because, this is very weird but both of my parents woke up feeling sick today, my mom felt low blood pressure and my dad felt high low pressure, tell me if that is not funny? It is kind of ironic in a way because they swear to life that they are sooo so different from each other and that if they needed to they would be independent and it wouldnt matter they wouldnt miss each other, but its not true, they depend on each other so so so much, they even get sick on the same day... my dad just asked me if cognac lowers blood pressure...
Anyway, so my sister and I went to the grocery store and got our veggies, our fruits, our bread, our drinks blah blah blah and on our way out, putting all the things in our car, this woman walks by making her way to the store with her, no more than 10 years of age, daughter, who was wearing a bikini top, a skirt that might as well have been a thick belt and wedges (platform shoes) with sparkles on them...ten years old!!!! this is how they begin and then their moms wonder why they come in one day at the age of 16 and tell them that they are pregnant!!! How can a respectable mother, let her daughter who probably can't decide yet between a barbie doll or a stuffed animal for a gift, be dressed like that! going to a grocery store!
I don't know if the rest of the world agrees with me, but I am hoping that most of the world does, every new generation seems like a disgrace to mankind, like, we are suppose to be bettering the future and with what we have learned, we are supposed to be stop the new generations from making the same mistakes, but, the other day on one of my bike rides ( I go out for bike rides every day now, its like my favorite, except for the scratches on my legs, I saw a kid riding like a motorized scooter thingy, instead of a bike! he was 8 years old! parents get your kids bikes and get them moving!
...my parents are arguing over which way seems better to cook the bunny that comes to eat the flowers on our backyard... they won't actually cook it don't worry.

There are times when it is hard to be a girl
but oh how I loooove my hair long, it been a while since it's been this long, i missed it.

Target!

OMG! I don't ever really OMG! about anything, but OMG Target! What a great store, It's the greatest store that could ever be built, really, whoever came up with the concept of Target, Wow! I want to meet this person. It is so much fun to go in there and look around and it's the kind of store where you feel proud for finding things on sale and you don't feel guilty about buying them, seriously, from the dollar spot to toothpaste, I could spend endless hours at Target and keep on finding awesome stuff. My favorite part is the design and quality stuff that you find there, you can find decently priced unique stuff and it's the best! So it goes like this,
Favorite things to do:
buy shoes
go to Target!

I also like to eat vanilla conchas...mmmm yumm conchas.

Lord, show us your kindness

How is it that hundreds and hundreds of people can gather together at one place, looking for him, looking to praise him and devote their actions to him? It must be because there is something there, theere is something to believe in. Beyond the institution and the people who resist the rules and laws imposed by it, beyond the book, the stories and the teachings, it is more than sensible to believe that there is someone there to have faith in, if so many people follow him faithfully, then he must really be there, to comfort and to heal and to assure that the life he gave us has a purpose.

It is My need to rid of the resentment I feel, simply to better My own life.

how lucky I am!

To be Latina! and if you dont have a latino background you probably will not understand this, probably never can understand it, but if you are latino, you know what I'm talking about and if you are especially proud of it, I applaud you because there is nothing more beautiful, rich, happy and passionate than our culture, I wish the entire world could embrace it because then, it would be such a happy place, I adore and nurture myself in the culture I have been raised in, and hold on to it with such devotion, I could not have asked for anything more than to be born in Mexico and understand what it's all about
:) Big happy smile, for our music, for the way we think and feel, for our food, for our language, for our families and for our drive to live like there is no tomorrow!

the problem with the way some people talk

Some people say what they think others want to hear, what they think is the right thing to say, yet, they never actually stop to think about what it is they really want to say, they can never say what comes from their heart and because of this so little sounds like its true. The bigger problem is that they probably don't say what comes from their heart because they haven't found their heart.
Sometimes people's biggest fear is to turn out to be like the person they least want to be like, the fear sometimes becomes a reality for some people.
14 is my fucking lucky number
I think I want nothing but to laugh, laugh whole heartedly, it is my biggest wish for the rest of today.

I woke up...

singing:
Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you...
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here...
Hey! Little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love

I havent been able to find the song though, at least the version I want (first wives club) its a good song, makes me happy.
then i looked at the tiffany's web site for an hour, my sister got a tiffany's necklace from her boyfriend, bc he missed her when we were in Mexico so he went out to buy her a tiffany's necklace, im working on convincing him to buy me one.
I went out to buy baby's clothes, my mom wanted a little something because the lady that gives her manicure/pedicure is having a baby, so she sent me out to buy some stuff, baby's stuff is sooo cute, all of it!
It's sooo hot outside, I want my pool back.

the problem with phone calls

I truly do not understand why there is a need for tele-marketers. It is not as if we don't buy enough things already or spend enough money on things, to go and have people call us and waste our precious time. Yesterday afternoon, my house recieved a phone call and we have caller I.D. so it's easy for us to identify which calls are important and which are not. Anyway, I answered the phone because the call appeared as a private caller and it was a man who is running a survey about latinos and technology...!!!! I have a problem with all this.
First of all, if you are going to work as a telemarketer or someone running surveys on the phone or whatever where you strictly rely on your voice, learn to articulate, take a speech class.
Second, I was on the phone for 30 minutes, answering really stupid questions, why? to whose benefit? 30 minutes!!!! I could have baked a cake, taken a nap, gone for a run (haha), something more useful!!! 30 freaking minutes! on something I was not even interested in.
Last, be polite, we are doing you a favor, I was polite enough not to hang up on this man because it is a decent job, its better than selling gum at every street light, but still, c'mon, be nice. I am sure that just like I don't like your job, you don't like your job, but if you are going to do it, be the best at it.
One more thing, that survey insulted me, the kind of questions were like, how smart are you because you are a latino and what kind of life style can a latino have, it was a waste of time, and why does this interest people??? that's what i would like to know.

today

I went to church and i asked for faith, for a lot of faith, and that above anything else there is faith, for everybody, not just me.
Then I came home and ate shrimp and drank cocktails (my dad insisted), they were yummy, like jelly beans with a kick of grand marnier, and watched the world cup finally which really the last 40 min. where worth watching, oh! plus Shakira performing. I thought Italy undoubtedly deserved the title between the two teams ( I still wanted Brazil to be the team to win, but..) Especially after the sad display from the french capitan Zidane of violence, which after, reflects on the entire team. I honestly believe that after he hit Materazzi (oh Materazzi!!) the Italian team should have recieved the cup right there. He completely ignored what the game was about, he caused a loss for his team and made his team and his country look bad.
Yay for Italy!!! I think I shall have pizza or pasta for dinner to celebrate!

friday adventures

The day began with an early morning shower, not that early, but early enough so that after choosing to wear a blue summer skirt and eating a banana I was out the door by 10.30 am. I was my mom's companion to one of her many famous lunches she has with her friends at very expensive restaurants. We picked up a friend who is like the crazy aunt that I never had, and off we went. Today's restaurant was a Tuscan grill and it was delicious. I had lemon lift tea and that alone made my day happy. Then I had a lot of bread because I just could not get enough of it, it was sooo good. I then had a yummy salad with chicken and roasted vegetalbles, the plate was a weird shape and kind of small so it was hard to eat but I appreciate their attempt at being different. Also, I had to pick out the red bell peppers out, because I do not like red bell peppers, I can eat the green and yellow ones but not the red. So, they should really ask you, what kind of peppers would you like with that?
Mature women conversations are funny, its great to be a part of them, I see myself doing the same thing in the future, well in the far future. We moved on to the crabtree and evelyn store where my mother is a prestigious customer and so we got millions and millions of discounts, so ended up buying lots of goodies, which I do not regret. We then walked across the sky walk and into a shoe store but nothing was pleasing so we moved on to Sephora. My mom is looking for this perfum that we now know has been discontinued; no longer being sold. I was looking at different kinds of mascara and this lady came up to me and she was like, you're looking for the perfect mascara? and to be nice I said yes, so she gave me this whole demonstration on mascaras and told me she had THE perfect mascara. She was one of those people that talks really fast, doesn't even let you answer everything she asks you and she put mascara on me, and she was like you already have eye lashes the size of milwaukee (what does that mean, is milwaukee that big????) anyway, i've never seen my eyelashes look soo long and curly so I bought it.
After that we walked to a department store, still looking for the perfum but the mom's insisted that I try on pants and shirts from the sale racks so I did. This man at the register, who we really thought was a woman, but not it turned out to be a man, looked at me and my mom like we couldn't possibly afford the clothes we ended up buying, the nerve!
We then walked across the mall to another department store, still looking for the perfume, and then my mom and and my crazy aunt tried on clothes and bought some stuff, where by the way an 80 year old lady dressed all in white, had an entire hallway to walk through, yet she decided to push me out of the way and yell, EXCUSE ME, I really felt no tenderness for that bitter old woman, im sure she has no grand children. We then bought some cosmetics after we were convinced there was no perfume, and then we walked all the way back to our car, and drove crazy aunt home. My mom and I then went to the most delicious bakery I know Oakland or Macomb county and bought lots of tarts, muffins and brownies, yuuum!
thats it.

yesterday my dad and i went to the pharmacy and, he drives a white sport liberty, not all cars do this, but for some reason, his has a button near the front passangers seat that turns on if the weight of a person is not enough in order to activate the emergency bag thing in case of an...emergency. That damn button turns on everytime I get on that car, so basically, I'm not allowed to sit in the front, so!
Plan A:
get yourself a trainer and train everyday to build up muscle because muscle weighs more than fat and it's healthier to have more muscle than...not.
Plan B:
Plan A will never happen because I thoroughly enjoy not working out soooo, I will run downstairs on our treadmill 3 or 4 times a week, take some more dance classes and with a good balanced diet try to gain some healthy weight.

ps. I skipped the shoes, I also bought shoes, well my mom bought them for me. today was fun.

the truth about beds

They are always much more comfortable after you get up, have breakfast and come back to it. They are so much more welcoming after three days of not being made and they are eeven better when they are big. During winter flannel sheets are a must, during summer, egyptian cotton. And the cherry on top are the big fluffy pillows, a good amount of them but at least two.
Last night I had a dream that I wrote this: enough is enough, there are other things to look forward to, I will not fight the useless fight or struggle.
So I guess I will write it down... I just did.
I'm reading this book, it's about love, and one of the reasons I like it so much is because of how descriptive it is, it is as if the reader becomes part of the plot, you can picture absolutely everything. It's about a girl who is incredibly beautiful, elegant, delicate but not weak, and one of her prospects watches her as she walks through town, he is mesmerized by the way she walks, by her smile, he finds her gestures so intriguing and cute for lack of a better word. To him, she stands out from the rest of the crowd, and every part of her face, her hands, her steps, he watches her to memorize all of this about her. He is so utterly in love that he could watch her endlessly and imagine what his life with her would be like, How hard he would work for her, how he would admire her more and more everyday and how he would show her that she was above everything else, he calls her a goddess. I could read this part of the book over and over and over again.

I don't want

today, don't give me today. It feels endless.

things are changing

over at 49325 ecp in shelby township! It is looking gorgeous and I'm so proud of the change, I can't get enough of it, it just looks warm and nice, sometimes changes are good. I looove furniture stores, I could live in a furniture store if it were allowed, you could seriously walk in and look around, ask a little, try a little, EAT a lot!!! and walk out with no compromise, that's how great they are. It's so fun to have little projects to do around my house, I feel useful and I feel like we bonded, yes the house and me.
my new favorite foods are chicken & green tomato sauce empanadas and shrimp, not necessarily together, but why not, I could eat these two foods all day, everyday.

Sometimes my biggest fear is to think that I will turn out to be like my mother, it's terrible really, she is a great person and talented and interesting but I fear that she has passed on to me her not so good qualities. Why is that? why must a person always fear to turn out like the people that are closest to them. This is just a thought, it's not actually that important but sometimes it ocurrs to me.
The truth however, is that I have enjoyed spending time with my mommy and daddy so so much lately, I feel like I haven't been able to laugh in a loong time and they make me laugh.
That is what I wish for today, to laugh endlessly, to laugh so much and so hard that it can take all the pain away, all of it.
I can't decide which is worse, obsession or withdrawal.

thank God for busy days

yesterday was such a busy day and oh how I enjoyed it. I wish for everyday to be like yesterday. I have a new found idea of what I want. I had a long conversation with a friend and I can't get over the fact of how much you can get from the people you least expect things from.
My sister got me a big yellow bow the other day, because she bought me oreos so she put a big yellow bow on them and I still have it and I love looking at it, its like a huge bundle of joy. i really should find out the meaning of the color yellow, like red signifies passion, white purity...purple faith, what does yellow signify?

do you still remember?

Up for you, I'd give it all
Cause when I'm thinking of you
When I'm flying above the world
How I wish I was drowning in you
I must admit that I'm oh so in love you know
Please don't ever let me go.

who would have known?

Out of all the people I know, out of all the people that could keep me in balance or hold me so I don't fall or even rock a little, my daddy is the one, he is taking care of me. I think he thinks that he can do things for me that can seem to go unnoticed or that can seem like he can do them without them seeming like its because he is worried about me, but I notice and I am oh so thankful. He is looking out for me, and he is making sure I don't break, :)
I meant to write about this two nights ago, I went to see the Lake House, well I went to the movies with the intention of seeing The Devil wears Prada but it was sold out, so I saw the Lake House and what a grrrreeaat movie! seriously if you are in the mood for a good quality, thoughtful, heart-felt movie, go see it. It may not have the best best acting, but the story, the script, the scenery, the work put into good quality camera work and layout of the story, is remarkable, it just is a great work of art. it is absolutley inspiring and smart, it's a smart movie. I suggest you get out of you chair, pick up your best friend and go to the movies right now and see it, that's how good it is.
I keep seeing yellow smily faces everywhere, its like they follow me around seriously everytime I turn, especially on cars, everybody seems to have a yellow smily face bumper sticker on their car just for me, i'm sure its a sign, but its kind of creeping me out, like... why are cars smiling at me????
Finally, I am sure many will agree with me, I strongly believe that the Soccer World Cup has been planned out as a complot against latin american countries, I don't know why, or what we did to the rest of the world but I cannot believe that not one latin american country made it to semi-finals, it is absolutely ridiculous and I demand a replay of every single game where a Latin american country played because we are better than that!
i saw fireworks friday, i saw fireworks yesterday, i will see fireworks today.

post #100

i think thats kind of cool, thought i'd point that out, 100 is a big number and its so like decisive and definite... 100, its such a merit number like I dunno, whats so worth while about 8? or 7? well seven there are 7 colors in the rainbow, 7 days in a week, 7 wonders of the world, so never mind that 7 is quite special, but, 100 is worth noting.
thoughts and thoughts, so many thoughts in my little head and all I want is to cry out, I so desperately want to cry out, not for pity or sorrow or no reason like it, for myself. I feel like I've spent an entire life supressing my wants and my feelings for others, as to not affect others, as to not make it harder for others; It's simply in my nature to put others before me. I have no problem with that I feed from that, but, right now all I want is to cry, cry myself out of tears so that I can move on to whatever is next.
One of my aunts is very very sick, she has cancer and so I prayed for her, I asked God to take everything away from me, and to give it to her, I offered everything in my life so that she could keep hers, I think he listened, I hope all that I am currently going through is because he listened.
If you've read previous entries, you might know what has me so down, if you haven't, i'm sorry, I do not wish to go into details or explain such circumstances, it never serves any good to dwell it what has happened and cannot be fixed.
All I know, and this can be applied to any hardship in life, is that life does not end here, and that every person is worth something, it is up to them to decide just how much they are worth, and no one, absolutely no one has a right to make someone question how much they are worth, I feel like I have faith again, faith in whatever comes next and I will not stop smiling, I think this is the last "sad" entry I put, well not the last last, but you know...

You know what I love about dance? It is always faithful to me, I can go back to it whenever I want and it's there for me, it's like it waits for me and I can pick it up right where I left of, and it doesn't mind. I never want to stop dancing, ever, I want it to be part of me until the day I die, so that people can say, My God, how she loved to dance.
I went to a dance classes twice this week, to keep busy, but it was so much fun, and the best part was that I was congratulated for my good rhythm and timing, yay!
I want to go see fireworks today, I saw fire works yesterday, but I want to go see fireworks today too, and then I want to go buy good night sleep tea, because I haven't been able to sleep for the past 4 nights, that's never happened to me before, I miss my sleep.