No, No quiero ser esa mujer
ella se fue a un abismo
y tu
no eres aquel que prometio
seria mi súper héroe, y que
todo acabo, no queda mas
seremos dos extraños, yo
te olvidare, me olvidaras
hasta nunca.

Y donde quedo , ese botón
que lleva a la felicidad
luna de miel, rosa pastel
clichés y tonterias
y al final ni hablar
los dos nos destruimos
y al final que tal
tu y yo ya no existimos
-Belanova

I like pate

When I was little my parents would out an inflatable pool on sunny days, and my sister and I would run down with our yellow robes and pink bathing suits, and swim and afterwards we would sit on the grass and eat paté and crackers and ohhh how I loved it! It is one of my favorite childhood memories. I think the only reason I eat paté now is because it reminds me of those days.
Being a girl can be so much fun somtimes, my sister and I went shopping for make up, well I went because I needed my moisturizing lotion which I CANNOT live without and I needed blush. But the Clinique lady was so nice that she convinced me to buy a lip gloss and convinced Karla to buy blush and eye shadow, she was great, I really do not regret spending that money!
And then we went to look for shoes, that is, Karla wanted a pair of black stilettos but like always I fail the test and fell in love with a pair of wedges. They were on sale though! and I used my very own money to pay for those, so Im convinced it was a good buy.
So much for my wish for a cultural trip, no more Montreal, I am going to Las Vegas with my family, Im still excited though, I just want a hotel with a nice pool and nice sunny days, I've never been there, I really do not know what to expect. but yay!

sometimes I wish I were a song writer

*That I would be good
Even if I did nothing
That I would be good
Even if I got the thumbs down

*That I would be good
If I got and stayed sick
That I would be good
Even if I gained 10 pounds

That I would be fine
Even if I went bankrupt
*That I would be good
If I lost my hair and my youth

That I would be great
If I was no longer queen
That I would be grand
If I was not on a wing

*That I would be loved
Even when I'm not myself
*That I would be good
Even when I am overwhelmed

That I would be loved
Even when I was fuming
That I would be good
Even if I was clinging

*That I would be good
Even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you
- Alanis M.

I attempted to write this really looong entry about everything but then it just became a mess, so I deleted it. I am not finding the right words today, but still I have this really big desire to write about something. I guess it happens, I think that when we most want to say something, or write something or express ourselves in some kind of way, we cant. There is no focus, no real level of concentration which in turn can lead to frustration, if we let it!
I want to go out today and eat outside, in a place full of flowers and enjoy a delicious hearty meal. The medicine that I am taking has me a little out of balance, its really strong and well Im tiny so itll take some getting used to. I read the instructions and side effects and I have to take it with food and an 8 0z glass of water four times a day, and I cannot lie down for 30 minutes after taking the medicine. It can cause temporary weight loss while one gets used to it, heart burn, abdominal pain, back pain and oh by the way, rare fatal intestinal problems have been reported. There has got to be a better way around our health problems.
These are the vague thoughts roaming through the inner-depths of my unconsciousness,
i cried you last night
I still remember february, march, and april
if only i had known that it was the beginning of the end
if only you missed those times like i miss them
if only we had actually been destined for each other
when did time stop being on our side?
But when I turn back, you will be but a distant memory.

my day

ay ay ay
I went to the dentist today and I have the...blah blah blah, in the blah blah blah and so I have to go to the blah blah blah and have the blah blah blah done. The thing is I have to take medicine and that will make the swelling go down yay!
I was sad to see that my old doctor wasnt there, my friends twin, not that they are twins but my friend will look like my ex dentist in 30 years or so. So now I have a new dentist, who looks like nobody I know, but he is really nice.
Then I drove AAAAALL over town and I mean ALLL over, exhausting!
and I listened to oldies music, it was trés fun!
so in honor of oldies music, here, enjoy, sing it! it will make you smile!!!

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of May With my girl.

now im off to eat my entire kitchen because im soo hungry, take a nap and yoga time!

The tree

When I was little my mother and father planted a tree together. I used to dance and run around it every afternoon. It was a pear tree that took up most of our tiny yard, I loved to dig out the dirt, especially when wearing a white dress and my mom would have to come outside and half laughing half yelling, she made me go inside, until I understood that I could not dig out the dirt from the tree.
Later on, my mother and father planted another tree, this was a peach tree, It was big and decorated the corner of our fence with its leaves. I would go out and stare at it every afternoon waiting for a peach. It took years for it to finally give peaches, and in the end I think I was only able to eat two or three of its peaches, they were good peaches though. I think the peach tree is my greatest memory from that old house.
Now, my mother and father have planted a tree in our backyard, we are happy now because we have a front yard and a back yard, before, we only had a yard...tiny yard. I no longer go out to play around the tree, and this tree has no fruit to give, but it has beautiful flowers surrounding it.

time out

I just want to take a second to "write-down" how stunning I've felt lately, I don't think I've ever felt as beautiful and marvelously gorgeous as I've felt lately. I may sound egotistic and stuck up, yet, it is important that we find time in our days to look at ourselves and thank our bodies for the way the are, for carrying us through each day and for allowing us to be. It is important to notice what our body is lacking, and grant it attention before anything else, 2 minutes a day, that's all it takes (figure of speech). It's ok to feel pretty, or sexy or handsome, in fact I think it should be encouraged...remembering that everything in extremes is bad for the body, mind and soul.
After 2 months of waiting my sister finally recieved a check from the airline that managed to destroy her entire wardrobe on our way to Mexico, and that check is damn pretty, I think she'll have a blast at the mall whenever she decides to go.
I, recieved 500 dollars from Ford to go buy a car...unfortunately my dad works for Chrysler, it would be like betrayal to the family.
I have a tooth ache...again! This time around im not so worried, it only hurts when I'm outside because of the heat and I already know what's going to happen, I have my doctor's appointment on thursday, but, I've decided that if I were to become a drug addict, not that I will, I currently have no reason to drown in depression and take the iniciative of becoming a drug addict, but if I did, I would become a motrin addict...or excedrin.
I keep seeing the number 11 everywhere!!! it doesn't bother me, like it doesn't scare me or anything, it calms me down, its a nice number to look at, and I get why I keep seeing it, but like...what comes after number 11?
As the writer of this blog, there is an evolution behind the reasons of why I write, as time passes, the things that matter in my life change and therefore I begin to have different reasons behind all this blah blah, this is the first time I notice that change, it's happened before, I've just never noticed it, I think its great, I like.

I'm writing twice today, weird, I know, I never do this, but I just saw something that pinched a nerve all the way down my spine and emm,
People, defend the things, people, and words that you believe in against all odds, especially against those who try to temper with the things each of us hold as sacred in our hearts, we all have a different definition of sacred, so whatever is sacred to you, don't let people touch it with dirty hands.

Montreal...start getting ready! :) :) ;)

finally things are changing

I like Dido, I think that if I were to write a song, I'd write what she has already written, therefore I'll leave it up to her, but, those songs of hers are like the pieces of a puzzle to my current thoughts.

when you know, you know, and if you don't know, you've never known, period.
I had a revelation the other day, crazy I know, but I totally did and I love these moments because it's when I realize that for being human and a smart human that is, it is amazing that I don't see the things that are right in front of me and how absurd it is not to notice but then again, I have read 3 books in the past 2 months, so I feel smarter, I'd like to think these books have helped my mind be more active and... thoughtful???
Also, being born on February 19th creates a problem, I dream too much. I could spend endless hours dreaming of the 'almost- perfect life' (at this point in my life, I don't believe in the perfect anything, maybe later on I will, it creates another internal dilemma and I would go ahead and explain it but ehh...I don't feel like it today.) anyway, I forget the difference between reality and dreaming. I think I need to create a balance of reality and dreaming, I don't think dreaming is a bad thing, but, man kind has not yet found a formula to stopping time and before you know it, a lifetime could have gone by in dreaming instead of taking action to make those dreams come true. I think so far, my only problem with dreaming, is that other people, don't dare to dream as much, or even dream at all! And so, I'm forced to turn and start dreaming somewhere else.
What it ALL comes down to in the end is... do you ever feel like you are being looked after by someone, or something (whatever you may believe in) but like there is someone watching your every step so that you don't fall and if you do, so that you analyze why you fell and learn the lesson? I do.

i'm watching tv

I'm watching this show which is like an american idol but in Mexico, and the students have to live in a house all together and take dance, singing, acting, blah blah classes and then every sunday, the students sing their assigned songs and they get critiques and blah blah, its another reality show, but its sooo fun! I'd like to say it's like a guilty pleasure but it totally is not, It sucks you in! We seriously set apart the evening to watch it and won't go to sleep until 11.30 when it ends.
It's like you get to learn about the "students" and its great great!
...back to watching!

One more thing

I add to my To Do list:
visit Morroco and learn as much as possible about their culture and life style and people and everything everything, it looks like such an enchanting fun colorful place, so different from what I'm used to seeing. I think that's why I want to go, because its so different from what I've seen.
I also want to go to India. I used to not be so attracted to that part of the world, but now I think India is a must.
Um... I know I had some things that I wanted to write about today, but they don't really flow into each other, or make sense together, not that that's ever stopped me before, but I guess they each deserve their own space, so maybe I'll write about them, maybe I won't, I guess I still have to decide.
I'll write about reggeaton though, for those of you who don't who I dare assume are not many, its music with a fusion of rap, salsa, reggea music, its very latino music, in fact in puerto rico its been alive for ever and ever. Now though, its becoming so so popular around the world that many artist are using it in their own music. Its a very very fun, seductive, rhytmic type of music. I think its great that its becoming so popular and that so many artists are being influenced by it. Isn't it funny who much influence lations have over the world, with their culture and yet most are condoned to the worst of life styles? what's up with that?
reminder to myself: buy a new pair of sun glasses, oh, and I like freckles.

this thing got a hemi!

I just got to drive a Durango, pretty red, soooo much fun!
then i ate empanadas and an orange
I pray for all the people who are sick and especially those who are sick and find themselves alone or away from their loved ones.

My new found passion

I've been meaning to write about this for days now because it has truly become very important in my life and for some reason or another I have neglected to do so. I want to share it with all you who read this because it is my intention that it will impact some of you and motivate you. I am absolutely passionate about yoga. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I have been going to yoga classes everyday without fail and the more I go the more I fall in love with it. Now, I will not attempt to teach you about yoga, because well that would be silly, but there are lots of misleading interpretations about what yoga really is. You will say, 2 weeks, that's nothing, but it has truly changed my life forever. I think its very true, the hard part is getting people to go and join in a yoga practice, the easy part is getting them to come back. Yoga in itself means, unifying. It is a very free NON-religious practice that allows a person to unify themselves with whatever they are lacking, unify with a God of their choosing, unifiy body and mind, unify sould and body, anything anything. This is achieved through the continous practice of excersises, breathing and a healthy positive mind. I will say that it is challenging, the biggest drive to continue practicing yoga is motivation, dedication and a want to see more of something in this world; love, joy, equality, peace, etc. It is not only healthy for the body because you learn to stretch and find your limits, it is incredibly spiritual, I strongly believe in the spiritual sense of things...life, so yoga was immediatly attractive to me. It allows a person to rid of negative thoughts and feelings through its practice, it allows a person to release tension and open their heart, it brings such a big sense of connection between the mind and the body that you begin to understand how your body works, how it is made up, how it moves and how far it can move. Finally it allows for a different perception in thinking, to see things in a different light is not always easy, yoga, emphasizes that a simple smile can change the way our mind percieves (SP?) a situation. I absolutely adooore it, I am addicted to it, and I have a crush on one of the teachers, he's only taught my class twice though, I still think he is really good looking...but anyway, that's not why I go, I seriously encourage everyone to go out and find a Yoga Studio, find some information about yoga, don't be afraid of it, EVERY SINGLE PERSON of any age that does not have a health problem, can do it and learn and be guided through some sort of yoga practice. Thinking that you can't do positions should not limit you, I guarantee that after your first class you will notice the change and be intrigued by how much you can learn.
I seriously plan my life around my yoga practice so that I don't have to miss a day of class and it has helped greatly physically, mentally and spiritually.
Go out, practice yoga!, be a happier healthier you!!!

long day for a long post

So indeed, when you stop fighting it, when you stop looking for it, it comes to you, in this case, I kept looking for things to live for, for things to think about, and when I gave up, it all came to me.
I took my mom to the doctor's today, which I pray, was a pointless visit, because I want her to be healthy, I want her to be happy, ever since we came back from Mexico, I see her not taking care of herself, happy because my sister and I are home, and happy with my dad, but not genuinely happy. Today for some reason she started a conversation about divorce, which she assures us is not happening and will not happen, but this issue has been present my whole entire life, I have heard the threat of divorce soooo many times that I am imune to it. I discovered something today though, my mom, has had so many fights and arguments with my father and my sister and me, asking to be understood. She especially wishes for my sister and her to understand her situation, which we always believe to be dramatized, that her life has really not been that unhappy. The truth is however, that she is not arguing because she has an unhappy life, she is arguing because she feels alone, not understood and heart broken. And, yes, she always says, when you are older, you will understand, the truth is though, that age does not bring wisdom in itself, its the experiences that we live as we get older, how can someone understand something they have never heard or seen? how can someone understand if they have never been exposed to certain things? it's impossible, Today, I understood her like never before, because now I know what heart break is, now I know what she has been asking for her entire life, simply to find someone to say, I understand you, I believe you and I will protect you and shelter you. I saw all this in 5 seconds, I suddenly understood 20 years, in 5 seconds.
Then, after lunch, my sister told me that my aunt, the one I have been praying for, is losing her battle, that the cancer seized to exist in her brain to unforgivingly spread through her womb and possibly vital organs, and all I can do is keep on asking, why her? and wish for a miracle. More than anything, I want her to be healthy, she is such a fighter, she wants to stay here and care for her daughters and husband, I want God to keep her here, and if he doesn't, then I want him to give her the best place in heaven so that she can care for her loved ones from there.
Finally, I went to the grocery store, which by the way, I think is a chain owned by the mafia, but this little kid, 5 years old, was helping his mom as she picked corn and cleaned it, he was holding the bag for her, very excitedly which makes me assume that he really likes corn, and he turned around and looked at me and smiled, the biggest most precious smile ever, like people don't take the time to smile at each other like that, and he sooo willingly and happily, gave me the greatest gift I have received today, he smiled at me.
My favorite artist is still Alejandro Sanz.

why pride and prejudice is such a great movie

Simply because every girl wishes for a Mr. Darcy to protect her, care for her and love her unconditionally.
All the fabulous dresses, houses and country scenery is a plus.

eleven

Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic. Others turn to people who are 'Eleven' for teaching and inspiration, and are usually uplifted by the experience.

In systems such as Astrology and basic Numerology, eleven is considered to be a Master Number. Eleven can also represent sin; transgression and peril, incompleteness. Ten being the perfect number, eleven represents the exceeding of both. It is interesting to note that eleven when broken down ( 1+1=2) comprises the Two of duality. Number eleven is a master vibration and as such should not be reduced to a single number.People with this number could be both idealistic and visionary, and they are attracted to the unknown.They can be both unusual, interesting and magnetic personalities.

Eleven bring the gift of spiritual inheritance, is gifted as the "Light-Bearer". It is the number of the Light within all. Strengthened by the love of Peace, gentleness, sensitivity and insight. Greatest facility is the awareness of Universal relationship. Is related to the energy of Oppositions and the Balancing needed in order to achieve synthesis. Eleven is The PeaceMaker... Colours : Gold, Salmon, Prune, White and Black. Segment of the horoscope ruling friendships, hopes, desires, social relations.

11:11 - Eleven-Eleven

11:11 is said to be a pre-encoded trigger placed in our cellular memory banks prior to our descent into matter which when activated, signifies that our time of completion and ascension is near. It is believed that one knows when this particular gateway opens for them by continually seeing the numbers 11:11 in there every day lives as a continuous ocurrence. Activation of other gateways may be symbolized by other digits.
(greatdreams.com)

Eleven - If ten is ordinal perfection, then eleven is perfect organization plus one more, one extra. One more than required, an extra measure, something more than only what is required. Eleven is the number of revelation.
(spiritcommunity.com)

Hmmmm???? I think I get it :)

everybody wants to be a cat

You know, sometimes there are songs that we don't hear in months or years and then suddenly the come on the radio one day and I go, oh! i remember that song, I like that song!
so here is one of those songs, maybe you'll like it too

I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
~ Norah Jones

I keep seeing the number 11 everywhere, I'm sure it's a sign of something, but I don't know what...

boys are jerks

you say you care about me but you only hurt me

french bread

So today, my sister and I were sent to do grocery shopping because, this is very weird but both of my parents woke up feeling sick today, my mom felt low blood pressure and my dad felt high low pressure, tell me if that is not funny? It is kind of ironic in a way because they swear to life that they are sooo so different from each other and that if they needed to they would be independent and it wouldnt matter they wouldnt miss each other, but its not true, they depend on each other so so so much, they even get sick on the same day... my dad just asked me if cognac lowers blood pressure...
Anyway, so my sister and I went to the grocery store and got our veggies, our fruits, our bread, our drinks blah blah blah and on our way out, putting all the things in our car, this woman walks by making her way to the store with her, no more than 10 years of age, daughter, who was wearing a bikini top, a skirt that might as well have been a thick belt and wedges (platform shoes) with sparkles on them...ten years old!!!! this is how they begin and then their moms wonder why they come in one day at the age of 16 and tell them that they are pregnant!!! How can a respectable mother, let her daughter who probably can't decide yet between a barbie doll or a stuffed animal for a gift, be dressed like that! going to a grocery store!
I don't know if the rest of the world agrees with me, but I am hoping that most of the world does, every new generation seems like a disgrace to mankind, like, we are suppose to be bettering the future and with what we have learned, we are supposed to be stop the new generations from making the same mistakes, but, the other day on one of my bike rides ( I go out for bike rides every day now, its like my favorite, except for the scratches on my legs, I saw a kid riding like a motorized scooter thingy, instead of a bike! he was 8 years old! parents get your kids bikes and get them moving!
...my parents are arguing over which way seems better to cook the bunny that comes to eat the flowers on our backyard... they won't actually cook it don't worry.

There are times when it is hard to be a girl
but oh how I loooove my hair long, it been a while since it's been this long, i missed it.

Target!

OMG! I don't ever really OMG! about anything, but OMG Target! What a great store, It's the greatest store that could ever be built, really, whoever came up with the concept of Target, Wow! I want to meet this person. It is so much fun to go in there and look around and it's the kind of store where you feel proud for finding things on sale and you don't feel guilty about buying them, seriously, from the dollar spot to toothpaste, I could spend endless hours at Target and keep on finding awesome stuff. My favorite part is the design and quality stuff that you find there, you can find decently priced unique stuff and it's the best! So it goes like this,
Favorite things to do:
buy shoes
go to Target!

I also like to eat vanilla conchas...mmmm yumm conchas.

Lord, show us your kindness

How is it that hundreds and hundreds of people can gather together at one place, looking for him, looking to praise him and devote their actions to him? It must be because there is something there, theere is something to believe in. Beyond the institution and the people who resist the rules and laws imposed by it, beyond the book, the stories and the teachings, it is more than sensible to believe that there is someone there to have faith in, if so many people follow him faithfully, then he must really be there, to comfort and to heal and to assure that the life he gave us has a purpose.

It is My need to rid of the resentment I feel, simply to better My own life.

how lucky I am!

To be Latina! and if you dont have a latino background you probably will not understand this, probably never can understand it, but if you are latino, you know what I'm talking about and if you are especially proud of it, I applaud you because there is nothing more beautiful, rich, happy and passionate than our culture, I wish the entire world could embrace it because then, it would be such a happy place, I adore and nurture myself in the culture I have been raised in, and hold on to it with such devotion, I could not have asked for anything more than to be born in Mexico and understand what it's all about
:) Big happy smile, for our music, for the way we think and feel, for our food, for our language, for our families and for our drive to live like there is no tomorrow!

the problem with the way some people talk

Some people say what they think others want to hear, what they think is the right thing to say, yet, they never actually stop to think about what it is they really want to say, they can never say what comes from their heart and because of this so little sounds like its true. The bigger problem is that they probably don't say what comes from their heart because they haven't found their heart.
Sometimes people's biggest fear is to turn out to be like the person they least want to be like, the fear sometimes becomes a reality for some people.
14 is my fucking lucky number
I think I want nothing but to laugh, laugh whole heartedly, it is my biggest wish for the rest of today.

I woke up...

singing:
Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you...
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here...
Hey! Little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love

I havent been able to find the song though, at least the version I want (first wives club) its a good song, makes me happy.
then i looked at the tiffany's web site for an hour, my sister got a tiffany's necklace from her boyfriend, bc he missed her when we were in Mexico so he went out to buy her a tiffany's necklace, im working on convincing him to buy me one.
I went out to buy baby's clothes, my mom wanted a little something because the lady that gives her manicure/pedicure is having a baby, so she sent me out to buy some stuff, baby's stuff is sooo cute, all of it!
It's sooo hot outside, I want my pool back.

the problem with phone calls

I truly do not understand why there is a need for tele-marketers. It is not as if we don't buy enough things already or spend enough money on things, to go and have people call us and waste our precious time. Yesterday afternoon, my house recieved a phone call and we have caller I.D. so it's easy for us to identify which calls are important and which are not. Anyway, I answered the phone because the call appeared as a private caller and it was a man who is running a survey about latinos and technology...!!!! I have a problem with all this.
First of all, if you are going to work as a telemarketer or someone running surveys on the phone or whatever where you strictly rely on your voice, learn to articulate, take a speech class.
Second, I was on the phone for 30 minutes, answering really stupid questions, why? to whose benefit? 30 minutes!!!! I could have baked a cake, taken a nap, gone for a run (haha), something more useful!!! 30 freaking minutes! on something I was not even interested in.
Last, be polite, we are doing you a favor, I was polite enough not to hang up on this man because it is a decent job, its better than selling gum at every street light, but still, c'mon, be nice. I am sure that just like I don't like your job, you don't like your job, but if you are going to do it, be the best at it.
One more thing, that survey insulted me, the kind of questions were like, how smart are you because you are a latino and what kind of life style can a latino have, it was a waste of time, and why does this interest people??? that's what i would like to know.

today

I went to church and i asked for faith, for a lot of faith, and that above anything else there is faith, for everybody, not just me.
Then I came home and ate shrimp and drank cocktails (my dad insisted), they were yummy, like jelly beans with a kick of grand marnier, and watched the world cup finally which really the last 40 min. where worth watching, oh! plus Shakira performing. I thought Italy undoubtedly deserved the title between the two teams ( I still wanted Brazil to be the team to win, but..) Especially after the sad display from the french capitan Zidane of violence, which after, reflects on the entire team. I honestly believe that after he hit Materazzi (oh Materazzi!!) the Italian team should have recieved the cup right there. He completely ignored what the game was about, he caused a loss for his team and made his team and his country look bad.
Yay for Italy!!! I think I shall have pizza or pasta for dinner to celebrate!

friday adventures

The day began with an early morning shower, not that early, but early enough so that after choosing to wear a blue summer skirt and eating a banana I was out the door by 10.30 am. I was my mom's companion to one of her many famous lunches she has with her friends at very expensive restaurants. We picked up a friend who is like the crazy aunt that I never had, and off we went. Today's restaurant was a Tuscan grill and it was delicious. I had lemon lift tea and that alone made my day happy. Then I had a lot of bread because I just could not get enough of it, it was sooo good. I then had a yummy salad with chicken and roasted vegetalbles, the plate was a weird shape and kind of small so it was hard to eat but I appreciate their attempt at being different. Also, I had to pick out the red bell peppers out, because I do not like red bell peppers, I can eat the green and yellow ones but not the red. So, they should really ask you, what kind of peppers would you like with that?
Mature women conversations are funny, its great to be a part of them, I see myself doing the same thing in the future, well in the far future. We moved on to the crabtree and evelyn store where my mother is a prestigious customer and so we got millions and millions of discounts, so ended up buying lots of goodies, which I do not regret. We then walked across the sky walk and into a shoe store but nothing was pleasing so we moved on to Sephora. My mom is looking for this perfum that we now know has been discontinued; no longer being sold. I was looking at different kinds of mascara and this lady came up to me and she was like, you're looking for the perfect mascara? and to be nice I said yes, so she gave me this whole demonstration on mascaras and told me she had THE perfect mascara. She was one of those people that talks really fast, doesn't even let you answer everything she asks you and she put mascara on me, and she was like you already have eye lashes the size of milwaukee (what does that mean, is milwaukee that big????) anyway, i've never seen my eyelashes look soo long and curly so I bought it.
After that we walked to a department store, still looking for the perfum but the mom's insisted that I try on pants and shirts from the sale racks so I did. This man at the register, who we really thought was a woman, but not it turned out to be a man, looked at me and my mom like we couldn't possibly afford the clothes we ended up buying, the nerve!
We then walked across the mall to another department store, still looking for the perfume, and then my mom and and my crazy aunt tried on clothes and bought some stuff, where by the way an 80 year old lady dressed all in white, had an entire hallway to walk through, yet she decided to push me out of the way and yell, EXCUSE ME, I really felt no tenderness for that bitter old woman, im sure she has no grand children. We then bought some cosmetics after we were convinced there was no perfume, and then we walked all the way back to our car, and drove crazy aunt home. My mom and I then went to the most delicious bakery I know Oakland or Macomb county and bought lots of tarts, muffins and brownies, yuuum!
thats it.

yesterday my dad and i went to the pharmacy and, he drives a white sport liberty, not all cars do this, but for some reason, his has a button near the front passangers seat that turns on if the weight of a person is not enough in order to activate the emergency bag thing in case of an...emergency. That damn button turns on everytime I get on that car, so basically, I'm not allowed to sit in the front, so!
Plan A:
get yourself a trainer and train everyday to build up muscle because muscle weighs more than fat and it's healthier to have more muscle than...not.
Plan B:
Plan A will never happen because I thoroughly enjoy not working out soooo, I will run downstairs on our treadmill 3 or 4 times a week, take some more dance classes and with a good balanced diet try to gain some healthy weight.

ps. I skipped the shoes, I also bought shoes, well my mom bought them for me. today was fun.

the truth about beds

They are always much more comfortable after you get up, have breakfast and come back to it. They are so much more welcoming after three days of not being made and they are eeven better when they are big. During winter flannel sheets are a must, during summer, egyptian cotton. And the cherry on top are the big fluffy pillows, a good amount of them but at least two.
Last night I had a dream that I wrote this: enough is enough, there are other things to look forward to, I will not fight the useless fight or struggle.
So I guess I will write it down... I just did.
I'm reading this book, it's about love, and one of the reasons I like it so much is because of how descriptive it is, it is as if the reader becomes part of the plot, you can picture absolutely everything. It's about a girl who is incredibly beautiful, elegant, delicate but not weak, and one of her prospects watches her as she walks through town, he is mesmerized by the way she walks, by her smile, he finds her gestures so intriguing and cute for lack of a better word. To him, she stands out from the rest of the crowd, and every part of her face, her hands, her steps, he watches her to memorize all of this about her. He is so utterly in love that he could watch her endlessly and imagine what his life with her would be like, How hard he would work for her, how he would admire her more and more everyday and how he would show her that she was above everything else, he calls her a goddess. I could read this part of the book over and over and over again.

I don't want

today, don't give me today. It feels endless.

things are changing

over at 49325 ecp in shelby township! It is looking gorgeous and I'm so proud of the change, I can't get enough of it, it just looks warm and nice, sometimes changes are good. I looove furniture stores, I could live in a furniture store if it were allowed, you could seriously walk in and look around, ask a little, try a little, EAT a lot!!! and walk out with no compromise, that's how great they are. It's so fun to have little projects to do around my house, I feel useful and I feel like we bonded, yes the house and me.
my new favorite foods are chicken & green tomato sauce empanadas and shrimp, not necessarily together, but why not, I could eat these two foods all day, everyday.

Sometimes my biggest fear is to think that I will turn out to be like my mother, it's terrible really, she is a great person and talented and interesting but I fear that she has passed on to me her not so good qualities. Why is that? why must a person always fear to turn out like the people that are closest to them. This is just a thought, it's not actually that important but sometimes it ocurrs to me.
The truth however, is that I have enjoyed spending time with my mommy and daddy so so much lately, I feel like I haven't been able to laugh in a loong time and they make me laugh.
That is what I wish for today, to laugh endlessly, to laugh so much and so hard that it can take all the pain away, all of it.
I can't decide which is worse, obsession or withdrawal.

thank God for busy days

yesterday was such a busy day and oh how I enjoyed it. I wish for everyday to be like yesterday. I have a new found idea of what I want. I had a long conversation with a friend and I can't get over the fact of how much you can get from the people you least expect things from.
My sister got me a big yellow bow the other day, because she bought me oreos so she put a big yellow bow on them and I still have it and I love looking at it, its like a huge bundle of joy. i really should find out the meaning of the color yellow, like red signifies passion, white purity...purple faith, what does yellow signify?

do you still remember?

Up for you, I'd give it all
Cause when I'm thinking of you
When I'm flying above the world
How I wish I was drowning in you
I must admit that I'm oh so in love you know
Please don't ever let me go.

who would have known?

Out of all the people I know, out of all the people that could keep me in balance or hold me so I don't fall or even rock a little, my daddy is the one, he is taking care of me. I think he thinks that he can do things for me that can seem to go unnoticed or that can seem like he can do them without them seeming like its because he is worried about me, but I notice and I am oh so thankful. He is looking out for me, and he is making sure I don't break, :)
I meant to write about this two nights ago, I went to see the Lake House, well I went to the movies with the intention of seeing The Devil wears Prada but it was sold out, so I saw the Lake House and what a grrrreeaat movie! seriously if you are in the mood for a good quality, thoughtful, heart-felt movie, go see it. It may not have the best best acting, but the story, the script, the scenery, the work put into good quality camera work and layout of the story, is remarkable, it just is a great work of art. it is absolutley inspiring and smart, it's a smart movie. I suggest you get out of you chair, pick up your best friend and go to the movies right now and see it, that's how good it is.
I keep seeing yellow smily faces everywhere, its like they follow me around seriously everytime I turn, especially on cars, everybody seems to have a yellow smily face bumper sticker on their car just for me, i'm sure its a sign, but its kind of creeping me out, like... why are cars smiling at me????
Finally, I am sure many will agree with me, I strongly believe that the Soccer World Cup has been planned out as a complot against latin american countries, I don't know why, or what we did to the rest of the world but I cannot believe that not one latin american country made it to semi-finals, it is absolutely ridiculous and I demand a replay of every single game where a Latin american country played because we are better than that!
i saw fireworks friday, i saw fireworks yesterday, i will see fireworks today.

post #100

i think thats kind of cool, thought i'd point that out, 100 is a big number and its so like decisive and definite... 100, its such a merit number like I dunno, whats so worth while about 8? or 7? well seven there are 7 colors in the rainbow, 7 days in a week, 7 wonders of the world, so never mind that 7 is quite special, but, 100 is worth noting.
thoughts and thoughts, so many thoughts in my little head and all I want is to cry out, I so desperately want to cry out, not for pity or sorrow or no reason like it, for myself. I feel like I've spent an entire life supressing my wants and my feelings for others, as to not affect others, as to not make it harder for others; It's simply in my nature to put others before me. I have no problem with that I feed from that, but, right now all I want is to cry, cry myself out of tears so that I can move on to whatever is next.
One of my aunts is very very sick, she has cancer and so I prayed for her, I asked God to take everything away from me, and to give it to her, I offered everything in my life so that she could keep hers, I think he listened, I hope all that I am currently going through is because he listened.
If you've read previous entries, you might know what has me so down, if you haven't, i'm sorry, I do not wish to go into details or explain such circumstances, it never serves any good to dwell it what has happened and cannot be fixed.
All I know, and this can be applied to any hardship in life, is that life does not end here, and that every person is worth something, it is up to them to decide just how much they are worth, and no one, absolutely no one has a right to make someone question how much they are worth, I feel like I have faith again, faith in whatever comes next and I will not stop smiling, I think this is the last "sad" entry I put, well not the last last, but you know...

You know what I love about dance? It is always faithful to me, I can go back to it whenever I want and it's there for me, it's like it waits for me and I can pick it up right where I left of, and it doesn't mind. I never want to stop dancing, ever, I want it to be part of me until the day I die, so that people can say, My God, how she loved to dance.
I went to a dance classes twice this week, to keep busy, but it was so much fun, and the best part was that I was congratulated for my good rhythm and timing, yay!
I want to go see fireworks today, I saw fire works yesterday, but I want to go see fireworks today too, and then I want to go buy good night sleep tea, because I haven't been able to sleep for the past 4 nights, that's never happened to me before, I miss my sleep.

accordding to the dictionary

... the dictionary does not have a definition for love, relationship, commitment, dialogue or caring tenderness that describes what it is i am trying to say.

do you know what the worst feeling in the world is???

when you start running really really fast because you have to be somewhere and you have no time, and as you run you feel like you cant breath and like all the muscles in your body contract so that you can't move and then it feels like all your organs shrink and breathing makes them hurt, as if they were trying hard to expand with each breath, yet it hurts, so you can't inhale as much air as your body really needs, but you must keep running, and it feels like with each new step you could collapse or hurt a part of your body, and then you legs start to shiver and then your head starts to hurt, and then you feel it in your heart, every breath hurts your heart, every leap hurts your heart, but you can't stop, do you know what i'm talking about? the worst is when you are not moving at all, and you feel all this.

I drove for a really long time this morning, I just drove and drove, and then I slowed down so that my trip would last longer, I think I was hoping to find something new, something I've never seen. I was going over a bridge ( i have a favorite bridge, its in shelby township) and this car pulled over and I so desperately wanted to pull over too and ask that person, are you ok? do you need my help, please say you need me, i'll do anything to help, but i kept driving.

its easier said than done

"I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - and I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down?

I feel stupid, but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - I think it's funny how now one knows
We don't talk about the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around

So why you gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now?
It seems to me you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

I feel stupid, but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on
You've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down?

So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out?
We need to be together now
I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken, though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

And now I'm cryin'
Isn't that what you want?
I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't, no,
At times I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I come undone
And I come undone

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - that I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken

I need you now
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season

In this mad season
There's been a mad season
Been a mad season"
- mad season

" "

" I want a life that is mine"

I had forgotten

that I have seen shooting stars before, funny enough, class reminded me of that today. This is why i love studying so much not necessiraly because i learn new facts but because i remember the old ones, i relate my life to the new facts i learn about.
I like shooting stars, they make me happy, I wish I could see them every night from my window but my window faces my neighbors house...
sometimes the best feeling in the world is being made to feel special
sometimes the best we can do is to yearn for being made to feel special
but life will be good, i am emerging, i will get what i deserve.

i want to go to....

the beach and lay on the sand all day, taking a nap under a palapa drinking limeade and eating fish tacos.
i want a pretty bathing suit with matching sandals sunglasses and bag. I want breakfast in my room, in the balcony where i can watch the sunrise (from the east). I want shampoo, soap, lotion and sunscreen that smell of coconut so that eveywhere i go i feel that wonderful scent around me. I want to dance all night and take a walk on the beach shore without my shoes on.
finally, i want a hand to hold my hand, arms to hold me when its cold outside, a mouth to pronounce my name and make me laugh until my stomach hurts and lips to kiss good night.

mmmmmmm

i am so full of excitement and I have my dreams and hopes soooo high up right now
I hope I dont fall down from the cloud im stepping on.
I don't like getting the impression that I am being stereo typed or judges for being or looking a certain way. It worries me that perhaps this world will never change and that it is in our nature to be judgemental or critical of other people, yet where does that lead us? does it not seem like the never-ending cycle?
Maybe we were made like that for a reason, because I am vulnerable to being stereo typed, and I am very...extremely aware of that, I tend to think that I don't act in such a way, and truly a lot of the time, I don't. Those sorts of feelings and mal-intentions are not part of me. I tend to think that people that may find themselves in my situation also feel the same way, that they could not possibly go and judge someone else, because they themselves are being judged by somebody else.
Yet, if this is still making sense, that is not true, there is a bigger force that pushes us to fall into making the same mistakes, perhaps assertions.
baaah, i had a point, i dont know where this is going... to be continued...some day
i shall go give myself a facial and fix my manicure
someone arrives tmw!!!

ahh blog, (big sigh)

once again, i am sorry for neglecting you, if anything i am harming myself more than i am harming you, it is my wish and desire to write every day this next week, it'll be my goal. i think that it will get me back on track to thinking about other things besides the terrible summer i seem to be having. it isnt all that terrible, i cannot say that i will die from it bc that would be extreme exaggeration and it would not be fair to the poor or the sick.
whenever a new year begins, i have an intuition for what the year is going to be like, i just know, and sure enough it turns out to be exactly like i felt it would, you might call me crazy, i dunno, i believe in all this, i can't help it. Anyway 2006...hard year
challenging year, a year of more downs than ups, but the once that you don't necessarily learn from, more like the downs that get to you and you remember for the rest of your life as hard moments, thats what this year is like. I was prepped for it, i knew it was coming (the hard year) but i thought it would be kinder to me, i did not think it would throw at me so much at once. the hardest part... i feel like its taking away from me what i love the most, or what i think i love the most.
I once heard that the things we truly desire, desire us back just the same. Why is it that it always seems that the things we really want... never come to us? why is it that for more than we desire things, and wish for them and think that we deserve them... we don't get them?
lack of faith? i doubt it.
is it not right to want things? should we just wait for them to come to us instead, because only the things that we really deserve will come to us? then what is the point of desire, and wishing? why do we even feel those things?
we always hear of little kids and how they want to grow up fast, how adults tell them, don't rush, enjoy being a kid because when you grow up you'll long for your childhood, and that, never comes back.
I've never been one of those kids, I've always taken my life for what it is, and accepted what has come to me at any given time, I've always wanted to stay a child, I never understood why other kids wanted to act older.
I still don't get it, I still want to stay a kid, and, i don't think it's fear of life or the future, I think its just being smart.

whats left

the worst feeling in the world is to feel like second best and not to learn from it. I always come back excited and happy and forget about the times before to be crushed and its my own fault. to dream is to hope and so one should never stop dreaming, the dream and the reality are sometimes too different. it is hard to know if i am there simply to be there or if i really have a reason for being there i think i try really hard so i must be fighting for the place i belong in. i cant tell if the effort is worth it and like a song says, the good memories are leaving me and the sun is not coming back.

me voy

No voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto
porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero
por eso me voy, que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y me voy

These are the lyrics to a song, in spanish obviously,
I am not going to cry and say that I don't deserve this
because it is possible that I do but I don't want it
so I say goodbye and Im leaving

I feel this is how I've treated Mexico, like there is always something better than it out there and so I go to look for it, yet, I always end up coming back and falling in love with it. This last trip made me view it as my platonic love, I know that we can't have each other, the circumstances in life don't permit for it, but we are still each others greatest love and no matter how far I am, I will always come back to it. It's silly I know, to be in love with a country, you might say ridiculous, it's too hard to explain though, I am not even going to attempt to do it. The way people live there, the way people interact with each other there, the language, the way people eat, all of it is so different, it's so tempting to do everything like them and because I am mexican I attempt to do things like they do, but, I well know that I can't just be mexican, that I have this other lifestyle in me, which is not bad, it just makes me long for mexico a lot.

Did you miss me????

I'm back! I missed you a lot! I used to love writing, now I feel like I have to gain the habit of spilling my thoughts out but thats ok, I really do miss doing this. I had such a marvelous trip and little by little I will talk about it. Right now...coming back to Michigan...it hasnt been that great. I absolutely hate living here but I have decided to focus on the now instead of always looking for something bigger and better. I tend to do that recently, but, that will not get me anywhere. For now I go out and I find one thing that makes michigan a good place to live. For example, the roads are really wide...thats a good thing, its fun to drive in really wide lanes. I am taking summer classes, TO GET AHEAD! not because I really need it, Im loving it though, I am learning a lot of neat cool stuff like did you know that ice is a mineral??? and that your house moves about 2 inches a year??? and that volcanoes can be pretty or they can be really dangerous???? YA! NEAT RIGHT!
I think so.
I have a lot going on in my little head, does that ever happen to you? I get mad at myself for it and then accomplish nothing, I've decided that like always, fear never gets me anywhere...or YOU!
Its the kind of thing where you know you will feel much better after you do it...like...excercise! you know that if you excercise you will feel much better afterwards and you do and you love it, but before you do it, its so easy to say. tomorrow or this tv show is awesome, or mayble ill bake cookies today, so that you make up so many excuses for yourself not to excercise even though you well know how amazing it feels to do so...thats what its like for me in absolutley everything, so, i have to walk through that threshold, i think i have to run through it, just do it.
I will begin to talk about my trip soon, there is so much to say, and so much that I learned and I'll begin by saying that there is no place like Mexico and there are no people like the people of Mexico :)

check, check, check...check?

Our lovely airports are so fun to go to that, it is not enough to spend a day in them, it is more fun to spend two!
I was all ready to make my trip home, and, all excited, all happy, and Continental Airlines kinldy (not) told us that our flight detroit-houston was delayed and therefore houston-mexico, would kindly leave with out us. So, disillusioned and sad we left the airport to come back tomorrow at noon and attempt to board our plane again.
I am convinced that this was an act of higher divinity and that we were not meant to board a plane today, it just was not the right day. I am now even more excited to go to mexico, all the doubts of feeling foreign in my own country are a thing of the past and I cannot wait to be there and kiss the blessed ground of Morelia, Michoacan.
So now my family and I are being very american and grilling outside making cheese burgers, and going to a 30 movie theatre amc to watch...a movie, don't know which one yet.

check, check, check...check?

Our lovely airports are so fun to go to that, it is not enough to spend a day in them, it is more fun to spend two!
I was all ready to make my trip home, and, all excited, all happy, and Continental Airlines kinldy (not) told us that our flight detroit-houston was delayed and therefore houston-mexico, would kindly leave with out us. So, disillusioned and sad we left the airport to come back tomorrow at noon and attempt to board our plane again.
I am convinced that this was an act of higher divinity and that we were not meant to board a plane today, it just was not the right day. I am now even more excited to go to mexico, all the doubts of feeling foreign in my own country are a thing of the past and I cannot wait to be there and kiss the blessed ground of Morelia, Michoacan.
So now my family and I are being very american and grilling outside making cheese burgers, and going to a 30 movie theatre amc to watch...a movie, don't know which one yet.

thoughtful

So, I am about to embark on this trip, that I have been waiting for...for a long time now and I am excited, I am thrilled in fact, I know that it will be very exciting and all.
I, however, am making a life changing decision, and for some reason I always feel like I have no time, like so much is expected of me, but, why the hell can't I do what I want? I'm really not worried or overwhelmed, I just like feeling secure on the things that are about to come and so far I do not feel that way. I just want to have enough time to do it all, and not think about the future, just now. And, I want a job, it's stressing me out that I can't find one.
For now, I am going to re-teach myself Pre-Calc. it will be great fun, no joke.

song- worth paying attention to the lyrics

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

If only

I could have all the answers to all my questions..now. Wouldn't that be nice? I always tend to tell myself, Ana, do not worry because everything works out in the end and the answer will come. Sometimes I am not patient enough to wait though, sometimes I just want to know and be told that things will work out. It is so tempting to try to plan my life out, but if it is THAT tempting does that not mean I should do it? If it's that tempting should I not go ahead and plan it out? Perhaps I should wait for the next train.

i say

Not just because you are american does it mean that you can make apple pie.


p.s. Jazz and I don't mix. I tried sitting through 5 min of a Jazz song and I couldn't do it, it was painful my record is 1:05 before I have to turn it off.

being home

My dad has given up all hope of me learning to drive a stick car and has now allowed me to drive the other cars (non stick) and its like I have discovered a new world again, I absolutely love driving non stick cars! I bless the person who decided to make them and sell them! they are lovely. I refuse to see it as failure, not being able to drive a stick, it just isn't for me. It was very nice of my dad to let me drive instead of me sitting here without doing anything.
I did clean my room and re-settled to my house. Although, it actually is more like...i settled for the first time because I haven't actually lived in this house at all. It is really very new to me, I think I wan't to plant flowers, make it more of my house, for some reason planting flowers makes me feel like I could feel more attached to this house. I like my room, it looks good, its missing a desk though, it could really use a desk...by the window. I am most proud of my closet, it looks good.
I have also given in to the power of Cha-cha. Since it is the only thing my parents do, no joke, I have now learned an entire cha-cha routine. I can see why they like it though, it is really fun and the both really get into it. They were trying to teach me and they corrected me as if they were the cha-cha masters. It's ok though, I learned and i was congratulated by the cha-cha masters for being a quick learner. It kind of felt like they had forgotten about all those years of dance technique and dance classes that they have been paying for. They're the kind of parents that are there, but not really, they watch, but they don't get too involved. I kind of felt like telling them, of course I'm good, dance has been my life for my entire teenage years, what do you expect, where you not there?, not in a mean reproach kind of way, I am too old for that, but in a, give me some credit and look at what I can do, which you should be proud of. I don't blame them though, they have been through many changes. As long as they enjoy together dancing, I'll just smile and nod my head and learn a step or two.
I went to get a haircut today, when it comes to my hair, I love getting the 40 dollar hair cuts, I really do. I got a 10 dollar haircut, the most awkward thing ever! I mean it isn't bad, but they don't even blow dry your hair!!! ah! how!!
it's ok though, saving money is important,
I applied to like a million jobs, I really hope someone hires me! please!

the difference

there is a great sublime difference between a cutesie child-like person who lives and jokes and has the soul of a child and therefore radiates happiness to the rest AND between a person who seems like a 20 year old pretending to be a little kid and talks really loud because they become annoying and appear really...not smart. Its not good people, don't do that to yourself, you are really hurting yourself by doing this. You make people not like you and not want to talk to you. It is really just advice because I have nothing else to do and I am annoyed that I am just sitting here waiting to be picked up and I am also hungry.
I applied to 4 summer jobs, one is bound to hire me right?

Dear Blog

I miss you! I miss writing! out of all the people in the entire world, Me! I miss you. Quite truthfully, I am horrible at keeping in touch with people, I always promise to write and I never do, but with you blog, I always wrote back! it really became a habit and I began to appreciate the art of writing, something that had never happened before, so, I have decided to keep writing. Even though the whole concept of blogs is still an enigma to me, I will continue to do so. I find that I am going to have a lot to write about this summer and I wish to do so through the space I have available right now, which is my beloved you!
I walked home in the rain today, although i was soaking wet by the time i made it to the door, i enjoyed it. It reminded me of the spring days when I would go grocery shopping with my mom and we would get wet trying to get everything in the car and we would get home get everything inside, go change, make cafe con leche, and spend the afternoon arranging the pantry and making dinner. I think that a lot of times we get caught up in jealousy and frustration because we want what we can't have and it drives us insane. We all have good memories, simple memories, that we should cherish and that in the end make us who we really are. I think its important that we strive to keep those memories alive because they direct us to the real us and there is no better day than when you feel like you have found your true self. I am packing to go home, it isnt hard, I have had years of experience and I am a pro at it but there is so much that made this year such a good year and I feel like I am putting it all in a box andn putting it away. Perhaps its a cycle though, actually I think it is, we put experiences that we've lived in order to make room for new ones, not better ones, just new ones. I'm excited for the things to come, i just want to be able to make the best of them and do it for me, because I have fun with it, not for other people. THAT is my challenge for the months to come.

my dentist

was really good looking...i was like whoah...but he didn't know much, I have to go to another dentist which I really hate because its like they all get together and decide to make people come back for as many useless appointments as possible so that they make a lot of money. I told him how i was going down to mexico in a couple of days and he was like well if you need more medicine i can give it to you...i might become a motrin addict, i hate that, maybe i'll just be really earthy and believe that nature can heal me and I will no longer have pain. It was still worth going though, now im not freaking out because I know that it's not that serious and my dentist was really good looking.
I got flowers from my boyfriend! (he's not jealous of the dentist) they are so pretty and purple and spring like, they are gorgeous.
I should be using my time wisely and studying but I really don't want to, I just want to sleep.
p.s. I hate listening to people type, it is the thing that annoys me the most.

after classes are over

What happens? Am I automatically supposed to forget about the tension and stress and constant need to do something. I can't seem to do it. It is the saddest thing but I can't seem to enjoy the free worry-free days I have suddenly been granted. For some reason I feel like I am wasting time, on the other hand, I do not wish to do anything but sleep.
Out of the blue I developed a tooth infection, it's really not that severe I mean the pain was not unbearable and now that I have been put under penicilin and motrin around the clock, I don't even feel it. I will tell u a secret, I am terrified of dentists. I have this awful fear of them and the worst is when they make you come back to their office. Why can't they just do everything they need to do for you, in one day! like seriously!!! Anyway I have my appointment tomorrow, we'll see how that goes.
My boyfriend was here friday and saturday. It was so nice, we did absolutely nothing (one of the side effects of the medicine is drowsiness, terrible drowsiness) and we just enjoyed each other's company. We walked around town endlessly, that we did! it was so nice outside and we layed down on the grass and bought bubble stuff, to make bubbles u know, and made bubbles, it was soo much fun. He walked up to one of the many beautiful trees with white flowers on them and cut a flower and gave it to me, so now, everytime I walk by that tree I feel like crying. Since I am going to Mexico, I won't be able to see him for a really long time and it brakes my heart. I know it's not possible, but, my biggest fear is that we will drift apart being so far away from each other and not talking to each other in days. I hope time flies by because I am at my happiest when I am with him. Yesterday was our anniversary, one year and 4 months and it still feels like the first date, its the best.
I've been watching lifetime the whole afternoon. Going to church to the spanish service with loud annoying crying babies really put me in a bad mood. I know it sounds mean but really, a million babies crying at one time gets on my nerves.
so lifetime, for some odd reason...entertains me!

Today made me feel like a failure, and, I hate that feeling. It creates doubts and fears that are really hard to get past. It saddens me that my last day of classes was such a terrible day. I know that we perpetuate situations, I know that we create life negative for ourselves for lack of a better word, perhaps negative is too harsh. It is true that we are also impacted by people though, why is it, however, that instead of interacting with other people in a fun postivive way we must make each other feel upset. If we are going to impact each other's lives negatively, then what is the point of interacting with each other at all?? I mean, I don't need it, I'm sure most people do not welcome arrogance and disrespect and such. I like to think that I can move on and emerge and not care, it is a flaw in my character, I care too much, and it takes a while for me to forget. Today was definitely a day for myself, i just hope I wake up tomorrow to a better day, there are so many things that I just want to get done, get them over with and instead I have to wait for time to go by...and it sucks!
2 more days and william is here, yay!!!

I love ranch dressing

I had sooo much food today!!! the best is ranch dressing with yummy lettuce, I feel soo hot and stuffy and I know its not that hot out, but ranch dressing and lettuce makes it all better.
I love taking showers at 6.30 in the afternoon, its the best. If you've never done it, do it! you'll love it!
PHOTO PHOTO PHOTO
look at the cuute squirrel! :)

to all of you who read this

It is nearing the end of the semester and quite truthfully I do not know if I will keep on writing in this blog. I mean its not that I dont like to write to whoever read this, i do, but I do not know if I will be able to keep up with it. perhaps I will...I still don't know. I have enjoyed writing though, I hope that my ramble has brightened somebody's day or made them giggle, or think, or get mad, who knows! something!
I do not have much to say, for I dont know any of you, but i will say this, how great is the unknown mystery and force that takes care of us, guides us and makes sure that we are all ok. At least for me this has proven to be true in the last few days and I am oh so thankful for everything that I have learned this semester. I have a lot to look forward to this summer. It is my hope that I can tell you all about it and that someone will be interested in learning about it, and if not, that's ok too.
ta-ta!

last night

I went to go see Les Mis which has become my absolute all time favorite musical, I cannot get over how good and awesome it was, it was sooo good that I bought a shirt. Ha! Well my dad bought it for me. It was so nice to spend time with them, we hadn't spent time together in what seems like forever and it was so enjoyable. We went to this cuban restaurant in downtown detroit, which by the way is such a beautiful city and has so much potential. I cannot believe that it has not been taken care of because it has so much to offer. Anyway, we went to this cuban restaurant and it was soo yummy. It was incredibly expensive, but it was well worth it. It was enjoyable food and atmosphere and so fun. It was so nice to be able to spend the afternoon not doing hw, not feeling stressed, just having a good time.
We did not come back until really late and so, thats why I didnt post anything. I was exhausted.
P.S. whoever invented websites SUCKS and is ruining my life.

i didnt post yesterday

So, i decided I would post twice today. Also, I'm in writing mode I have been writing paper since 2 pm with a one hour break but now I am done. I just have to go back and make sure it makes sense. I hope so because I don't feel like changing that much. I really want coffee and I already had some today and I never want coffee, I'm just really craving it, but, I'm not doing it, not unless someone else pays for it for me.
Anyway, I'm soooo glad that paper is more than half way done, edit, finish biblio and turn in, so relieved.
I really want to write because last night, the wonderful amazing professor Kathy Horn invited her cfc class from last semester to dinner and although not everybody was able to go, a lot of us did and it was sooooooooo much fun. I really have no other way to say this but this woman is the motherfucking shit! Not only did she have an amazing amount of food for us, she showed us her house and the artwork she owns, she talked to us like she is one of our best friends and shared so much of her life with us. She is so genuine and classy and sophisticated, if u ever have the chance to meet her and talk to her, i am confident you will feel the same way. We all seriously worship her. We seriously stayed at her house for like 4 hours and did not want to leave. She is always so motivating and friendly. I had not laughed as much as I did yesterday night, in a really long time, this woman is truly amazing and it was so refershing to be in the presence of someone who is so worldly and so educated.
One more thing, I don't know if this is true for everybody, but, I am not perfect, I have every right to not do so great in tests or projects, just like everybody else, I have good stuff and amazing stuff. It is not a bad thing that people find others motivating or inspiring or that we strive to work as hard and somebody else does. It however, is terrible to want to always compete with such a person. It bothers me to know that this person who shall remain unamed feels the need to compare herself to me no matter what and if she happens to get a better grade or if we happen to do the same on assignments, she finds the need to tell other people and put me down. It is even more bothersome when she pretends that she does no such thing. I don't care what kind of grades you get, I do not care to compete with you and I do not care to be compared to you, never have I cared, never will I care. People! just never do it.

i meant to write yesterday but it was like 1 am and i fell asleep before i wrote
now i have no time bc i have soooo much work to do it is absolutly insane
i think i will feel a year older once this weekend is over
1. write 10 page paper about herod the great for the land of palestine. be critical and analytical
2. make a website...
3. take a million pics of squirrels for photo
im not even having fun with any of this
terrible weekend

after hours art school

It is so enjoyable to stay here until late when there are no classes, it is soooo relaxing!
One of my friend noticed that today's date is actually a numerical sequence date, 04.05.06 ha! how great is that!
stressed backwards spells desserts
my boyfriend wants to be an engineer :)
I'm happy because he is coming to visit in 8 days!

blink, blink, blink

I am starting to feel the negative effects of stress.
This weak body of mine was not made for the life style my mind envisions.
All is well though, everything turns out just fine, better than fine in the end.
I may not look it, but I'm happy, under this tired face, I am smiling.
My sister told me today that, our house director, the lady that runs Martha Cook, came up to her and asked her if she had been the one to write a book about Geneva. My sister told her no, that it had been me. Marion, the woman's name told her that it had been such a nice thing to do. That Geneva had shown it to everybody in the house and was soo pleased with the end result. She felt that it had been such a special thing to do, for someone to notice her and make something for her. Marion saw the book and thought it was so nicely put together and it was evident that a lot of time was put into it and that was such a kind thing to do for Geneva.
It doesn't get any better than that. Not that the work is recognized or praised, not that it recieved a good grade, but that it impacted this woman's life in such a positive way and that she appreciates the end result so much, it means the world to me.

for today

People who talk but have nothing to say bother me.
cfc bothers me
cold wind bothers me
everything in the way of me and sleep bothers me
receiving packages from mr. william miles makes me happy

I made

A suitcase, a pair of shoes, a wallet, a watch, and a pair of train tickets.
If only the suitcase was bigger, the shoes were nine west, the wallet and the watch were coach and the train tickets were actually train tickets to some awesome place like ciudad de mexico or Syracuse.
dip, 12 days and I will see you! :)

2 words

exhausted
content

So much to say

But! there is not enough time, perhaps tomorrow.... no, i promise tmw i will sit here and write about everything that I want to tell you. I must go now and be girly and shave my legs, spring formal!
nite ;)

Maria Lopez

I named my camera today, I felt that such a beautiful, useful, cherised piece of equipment deserved a name. So, I named it (her) Maria Lopez, I don't really know why, I wanted to name her Ira but thats a guy's name. I think Maria Lopez gives her a neat identity.
I have so much work to doooooo!
I keep planning out in my head what I will do on what day, I just hopes it works! I want to do well on everything but I feel that since every single class requires so much, I won't be able to put as much time as I would like into...everything.
Whatever happens, happens, just as long as I actually work.
I don't have a headache today but it will be a looong day.

I usually like wednesdays.
this damn headache won't go away

my experiences

Recently I have had really interesting experiences with food! Like this past week, food has been a them. It really isn't that interesting, it's just fun to recap for me. The most interesting part I guess is that I haven't even been able to eat that well. I have been on the verge of getting sick and not getting sick for the past days so when I do eat, I get really nauseous and I get a terrible headache and I had a fever yesterday.
That however is not the point, the point is, I hadn't had chicken lemon rice soup in a really long time, and it is my all time favorite soup! i had it on sunday and I was reminded of that...how much I love soup
I had chinese dumplings for the first time on saturday. I had tried them before but not really, they were ok, I think next time I will get veggie only, no chicken. Personally, I think empanads are better. Especially the tuna ones my mom makes.
Monday, I had a corn dog. I had never ever in my life had corn dogs, i know sad, im just not american what can I say...I didn't like it though, I don't see what all the fuss is about, really, just eat hot dog buns people, tastes better.
Today, i went to panda express for the very first time. I seriously felt like a foreigner in a different country, that may be an exaggeration acutally, but u get the point. I just felt like everybody knew right away what to get and where, and there I was, only wanting fried rice and a veggie spring roll. The people serving my food were like...are u serious this is all u want? they werent mean though, it hink they were just surprised, one of the guys very nicely asked if I wanted sauce for my spring roll and he was like sweet and sour right? and i was like..yeah (how did u know tone of voice) I was very surprised to see that it was really clean and I felt very proud of myself in the end when I got exactly what I wanted. Food was ok, the experience was the best.

it smells like mexico

the whole day today, from early morning til 7 when I came back from buying jelly beans for Geneva (she is the lady that I wrote a book about and I am giving her a copy of the book so i bought her jelly beans as a thank you gesture. I bought her the light blue ones that are like rasberry flavor i think, they are divine, expensive though, 3.99 for 1/2 a pound!)
anyway, it smells like mexico! and I cannot describe the smell, it is one of those things that you have to experience and u immediatly recognize afterwards. It isn't even like a yummy pleasant smell, not fresh or flowery. It's just a distinct city smell. it got me very excited for my trip back home though. i havent been there in two years and I just know that so much is going to be different. It doesnt make me sad though, it's kind of exciting! the first think i will do after greeting my family and all is go to a grocery store and buy all the mexican candy, chips and cookies and food that I can find.
one of favorite art pieces is The Kiss by Rodin, love it, I don't even have to explain it, that's how beautiful it is.
I LOVE PHOTO CLASS!
my boyfriend and I are both wearing brown today, we never EVER wear brown. but today we did. :)

im just sitting here playing with my toes

its going to look like I wrote twice for the same day but it isn't so, its that I wrote at midnite and it was suppose to be for saturday's nite, but it looks like its sunday, but not.
anyway, i was trying to find a community college to take french in but it didn't work so I gave up.
today was very lazy, I got up early and all and finished all I had to do early, so i've been sitting here doing unimportant things, i really want to take a nap though. I haven't left my building at all, I have no idea what the day was like today, it's ok though, I like days like these.
I went down to eat and I was reminded of how last summer, I was sick with mono and so my boyfriend would come to my house with breakfast food and we would eat croissants and watermelon with cottage cheese or he would come and pick me up and take me to his house where he had pancakes and hot chocolate waiting for me. how lovely all of that was, not the being sick part, but everything else. How you ever noticed how the air smells different when seasons change, the air just feels different, thats what reminded me of those summer mornings. lovely lovely memory.
im going to go shower now.

I am so proud of myself

After a pounding headache that took over me for more than half of the day and made me feel like I was getting nothing done, I finished my book!!! and I am in love with it, in my eyes, it is the greatest book to have ever existed!!! I could read it over and over again, until I memorized it, its so cute!
makes me happy, im exhausted, sleep!

last night

I decided that if I were to be a dried fruit, I would become a dried cranberry.
I also want to learn how to play the violin.

u know what i hate???

when i hear a song and i think i will remember part of the lyrics so that I can look for it later and when i go to look for it...I don't actually remember!!!! it bugs me so much!!!

dinner!

I ate a baked potato today!!! its the first time I've eaten a baked potato!!! I know...ridiculous, but its true, part of my college experience has been to eat a baked potato...I had tried them before but I never liked them so I would never eat them but today there was nothing much to eat for dinner so I had a tiny one with sour cream and it was quite enjoyable...maybe I was hungry, but I thought it was worth noting because I actually ate the whole thing. I also had filet mignon but undercooked meat gives me a terrible headache, ugh.
I did not have my snapple today...i forgot! haha! I am really craving chocolate and cakes and pastries and donuts, I'm staying strong though, only a couple more weeks to go and I can eat all that I want (lent)
We had room draw today and my roommate and me now, are rooming together, (in case u've read the entries before, things are much better now) and we got the coolest room! its like two rooms in one so we could do our own seperate rooms or a room and a little lounge area, its awesome, and thanks to my lucky hand we got to go first! yay! im so awesome!
today was a good day, i like wednesdays, they make me happy, i hope tomorrow is just as great, I have a lot of work to do, but I am not stressing out, I'm actually enjoying the things that I am working on, book making is fun.
au revoir

the bus

I ride the bus everyday 4 times a day so i evidently run into the same people all the time. We dont even know each other or about each other but we ride the bus together everyday or every couple of days at least. I am sure that just like I notice and remember people others remember me. We don't really impact each others live's that much, we just share a bus ride together. A while back this lady got on the Commuter south bus and was on the phone talking about his son's gf and how she is from Mexico and her name is Alicia and she is such a nice girl. She talked about her, i don't know how to explain it but like...she is nice but she is foreign and poor thing knows nothing about the world...kind of way, u know? It is hard to say if this is true or not but then the lady went on to talk about how her family was becoming so international and how cool it was bc her daughter was dating someone european and her son a mexican girl blah blah, they funny thing is that I remember this conversation vividly and it must have happened a month ago or more. Today I get on the bus and a seat close to me I hear the same voice talking about Alicia the mexican girl, it was the lady!!! her son now wants her to go to mexico during april because he is going to propose to Alicia and wants her to be there. How unusual is this! suddenly I felt part of her life, even though I dont know her and probably wouldnt like her, and she obviously doesnt know me...but i knew who she was referring to, I knew something about her life!
and then this cute couple was standing at the front of the bus, they reminded me so much of two people i know. The girl was this silly goofy fun short girl who looked madly in love whenever she looked up at her boyfriend. The boy was this easy going pale as can be talkative sweet boy who stared at his girlfriend like she was the most gorgeous wonderful person on earth. As the got off the bus and walked away they kissed each other's hands with such care, almost as if thanking each other for being alive and for finding each other. It was like a movie, it was like I could really relate to that and I am so lucky for that.
I keep seeing snapple signs everywhere my mission tomorrow is to buy peach snapple and drink it!

today is a sad day

I feel so overwhelmed, like nothing that I do is actually paying off. It kind of feels like I am putting so much time into everything that I do, and I try to be so good about having time for everything and I am trying so hard to learn and have fun and do things because I want to do them not just because they are required, and in the end nothing works out! I feel like this semester is just being so hard on me and like there is so much ahead of me that I am just not ready for. I know that I should not compare myself to others, and I tend to be very confident about the things I do but recently I feel like I am not creative enough, or talented enough, or skilled enough, yet I try so hard to do things right, and I just don't see any rewards for it.

ps. Its not all that bad, I just really miss him.

sooo

The elevator broke in my house (residence hall, dorm, whatever) and I have had to go up and down the stairs about a million times today, I had to carry all my laundry down to the basement and back and I've been in and out all day and I HATE stairs!!! I have to go up like 5 flights of stairs it is sooo annoying! im exhausted

I don't know

what to write about...there is a lot to write about so it makes it hard to figure out what I want to write about because I don't want to write about everything, but then...how do I chose!
basically, it was such a fun fun weekend, I know that its only saturday night but if feels like sunday, I just did so much and the whole weekend was just such a happy time, it was like a small vacation away from school and everything and it was so wonderful and I am oh so in love! yay! :)
Im also really happy right now because after 2 hours I got my printer and scanner working and I feel so proud of myself haha! but i figured it out so its all good!
Im tired though, i did sooo much walking this weekend and the whole town was sooo loud and all...it exhausts me, I need my beauty sleep
by the way I am aware that I once again skipped a day...I just had no time to sit at my computer and write, really...no time! anyway I gotta go do something else!

crayons

I freaking love crayons! I especially love JUMBO crayons because they're JUMBO!

mmm hmmm mmm hmm

that is me humming this song


Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
~ green eyes cold play

I don't like that

I am not a good writer!!!
I so wish that I could articulate my ideas better on paper, it would open up so many doors, I can just see it!
it really would make my life easier though, like...how did I miss out on the good writing classes???
I studied for three hours straight today, i am very proud of myself
I feel like I am being really good about not over stressing...it will all workout and I am actually enjoying the things i do.
I adore photo class! I could do it aaaaaall day
all my life possibly??? ooo exciting
ok... back to house board petition vote Ana for Secretary, YAY!

sunday

highlight....ever after movie i love it
non highlight...damn busy
gotta go

oh shhhuga

I just realized that its saturday...and...i last wrote on wednesday..but that ok because I remember everything that has happened since then, don't worry!
So thursday, these two ladies came to my cfc class to basically teach us how to walk, and perceive things differently. I thought they were going to take us around north campus for a walk and stare and beautiful trees and be at one with earh but it wasn't so at all. We got to do such fun stuff. like draw and walk around with bare feet and walk backwards while everyone else stared at us like we were crazy, i think that was the best part, it kind of felt like oooo i belong to this group that gets to walk around backwards, and people stared at us, we weren't crazy though, we were just having fun. Not only that, I feel like I got to know people a little better because we were all being silly at once. Then I walked to lecture in the rain with the rest of the art school and sat throught a kind of boring lecture, which i just remembered i have to do hw for, anyway, i walked out and it was raining still and my shoes got wet and I was really upset because I love these shoes, but I think they're ok.
Friday, I took a bunch of pictures of everything, went to class, did some work, went to disgusting dinner, went to cru meeting, hung out with some people in the cold infront of big ten burrito, which was fun, I saw 8th graders out at like 10 pm and I was like wow...and then a bunch of their parents came out and yelled at them to wait and not walk to far from them.
Today...i went to a women's brunch, which i love, being a woman, and sharing with other girls...being a girl, it was great fun
then i spent 4 hours in the freezing cold library. I get that they are trying to keep you awake and all, but it is just so cold in there that I could not think, so I left, spent 40 min. getting dinner, did the rest of my work (most of it) I really should keep studying, and do that discussion hw,
now a few wise words from ms. Karla: i do not have wise words but really i just wanted to write on this funky because im envious of the fact that i dont have one...i would not remember to write anyway so its okie! but by the way this girl is the cool girl and im not just writing this so shell let me write again or because shes my sister but really shes fantabulous but really im sure you guys already knew that. Umm...im being told that thats enough
~ theres nothing in this mug
ooo now Im famous! ;)

oooo

I had forgotten how much I enjoyed photography and especially being in a dark room developing pictures. There is just something about it. I feel that there is so much creativity and beautiful work that goes into each part of the process of making a picture, and, each part is so much fun. I could spend endless hours taking pictures, developing them, looking at them, experimenting with them, etc. I really want to try to take advantage of these short 6 weeks that I get to take photography and go into it with no fear, just be as creative as possible and do if for me, for my own entertainment, not for a grade, not for other people just for me. I've decided that that is when my work is at its best, when I don't think of the expectations from other people, I only think of my own. I tend to make that mistake a lot, I assume what it is that people or teachers want to see and the result is never satisfactory for me...or for other people...I want to take advantage of this last weeks of school and remember that I make art because I am passionate about it and because I have fun with it.
I am interviewing the cleaning lady in my dorm house, and I talked to her today, she gave me a hug after we talked, it was so touching, she is awesome, I hope I can make something truly genunily good, for her, she deserves it!
I had corn for dinner...not because there wasnt anything else to eat, i just love corn...
oh, how i love wednesdays!!!

I have to say

I absolutely adore the Bay City Rollers, they put me in such a happy mood its great, if you are reading this and you're like...who the hell are the bay city rollers, I strongly suggest that u find some of their music, its great rock and roll, fun, silly music.
Campus was gorgeous today, i woke up disoriented from a bad dream but also because it was actually light outside! it completely threw me off.
I have no alarm clock because...i can't figure out how to work it, which is really stupid I know! I have had it for months now and its almost the end of my freshman year like...how lame is that, but it wont work properly, anyway...i actually wake up on time! on my own! I am so proud of myself!
ok...work work work
back to work

:) :) :)

SO! I haven't written in a couple of days...and it's not that I forget...I just don't remember, if that makes sense. [If you're really smart I'm sure it does ;)]
Anyway, overall my break was good, coming back I realize that I actually did have a lot of time to rest and it was just really nice and relaxing to not have to worry about anything, anything. I feel very refreshed and absolutely ready to finish off the semester!
It is really nice to come back, I actually missed my room! it's such a lovely room and I love my house, it's not derpessing to come back to, it is the exact opposite!
I am really in the mood for coffee today and I never ever drink coffee, I don't like it and I think it's bad for the body, but today I am really in the mood for some, I think it's the weather
gotta go to class!

ashes

Yes, today is or was ash wednesday and I went to church today to receive the ashes because they are a reminder that we are mortals and with them a period of cleansing begins. After receiving ashes, the father mentioned that with them we take a stand and we are true to Jesus and God. I would like to think that if Jesus were to come to our world again, I would stand and say I believe in him, I however know that social taboos and the fear of being laughed at or looked upon as crazy would make it harder to do so, but I do believe in a higher power and divinity.
I went to blockbuster after mass, and the cashier kept on staring at me while ringing up the movies and all and I couldn't figure out why, until I walked out and saw my reflection on the glass door and realized that I had a giant cross on my forehead...damn proud!
ta-ta for now